


Sweat

by houpgedaheda, thehomiehalen



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Clexa Endgame, F/F, F/M, G!p Lexa, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Werewolf AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2018-12-02 22:18:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 61,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11518635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/houpgedaheda/pseuds/houpgedaheda, https://archiveofourown.org/users/thehomiehalen/pseuds/thehomiehalen
Summary: South of nowhere, nestled in the muggy marshlands of Arkadia, is a place known to locals as 'the glades'.  Famous for the dangers of both the environment and it's inhabitants, 'the glades' is a harsh hell that holds secrets even those that have grown up there don't know the extent of.  Most don't venture into the area, except by way of escort, but for Clarke Griffin, the glades becomes the place she truly finds herself.10 years after being taken away in the middle of the night by her mother, Clarke's best friend Lexa moves back to town, stirring up feelings the blonde never saw coming and a social circle that only few actually know exists.  What happens when secrets of Lexa's past and present come out?  Will it be too much for Clarke to handle?[ This story was originally posted by author TheHomieHeda (aka hedaofhearts). Reposted with permission from the author. ]





	1. Muddy Memories

"Clarke......"

Her friend's voice breaks through her dream - a dream she was rather enjoying. She rolls over, facing the open window with it's screen the only protection from the outside world. She hears the leaves rustling as the visitor steps closer to her window, likely trying to see if she's awake.

"Clarke...??"

It's Octavia, her boyfriend's twin sister who also (coincidentally) happens to be one of her best friends. These visits are not uncommon for the girl - or her brother - but Clarke isn't exactly sure why O is being so quiet this time. Deciding it's probably better this way and she should acknowledge the girls presence before her pleas get louder, she throws the covers back and sits up on the edge of her bed, staring out into the darkness of the night.

"Clar-"

"What?" she interrupts the third call.

"Don't be rude," Octavia scolds her.

"What do you want, O? It's 2 am..."

"Lexa's back," the brunette tells her, face appearing almost pressed against the screen now, fingernail scratching lightly. "Hey, did you hear me?"

"She's back?" Clarke asks, using her palms to rub the sleep from her eyes. "You're sure??"

"Yeah," her friend nods in confirmation. "I was with Lincoln when I saw her.."

"What were you doing in the glades after dark?" the blonde questions. "You know Bel would kill you-"

"But you're not gonna tell 'em," Octavia corrects her. "Besides, I rushed here to tell you the good news. So you can't rat me out.."

"Did Lincoln know she was gonna be coming back?"

"He said he'd heard something a while back, but he didn't think it was true," O replies, fidgeting and picking at the pieces of the screen that don't quite fit the frame. "He said his dad had told him that his aunt Liv had killed herself.......but she's OD'd before and then they find out she's not really dead or whatever, I mean........it's happened before. Family news for them is like a game of telephone..."

"But it's true this time?" Clarke stops her rambling.

"It must be. We saw her outside Raven's. Guess she's gonna be living with Indra..."

"How.....how does she look?"

"The same," her friend states, before adding, "but different. She's grown up a lot, C..."

"Are you going back to the glades tomorrow?" the blonde pushes. "If you are, I'm going with you."

"Deal, but you're driving. Now let me in, girl," Octavia pushes against the screen. "The bugs are fucking eating me alive out here."

"You know where the spare key is, O," Clarke shakes her head, standing up to pop the screen out so her friend can climb through.

"Yeah," the brunette huffs, plopping onto the floor under the window, "But Bucky is laying on the mat.."

"Fuck," Clarke groans, forcing the screen back into place. "I told mom that dad didn't get him right the first time.."

"Oh, he got him," Octavia says, choking back a laugh. "His right eye is fucking gone, Griff.."

"Yeah, but you're supposed to hit that soft spot and I told mom that dad missed, but he swore he got him and just couldn't drag him up by himself. Something about the wench-"

"Bucky's a resilient fuck," O counters, taking her boots off and setting them in the corner before removing her socks. "Your mom already knows your dad talks shit. She loves him anyway, yo."

"Yeah but not when she's screaming her head off, trying to get to her truck before she's late to work..." Clarke scoffs, getting back under her covers as her friend settles in beside her. "Don't be surprised if you wake up to her having an aneurysm at the ass crack of dawn-"

"I have full confidence in your medical skills, C," her friend says, fluffing her pillow. "Nobody dies on your watch."

"I'm not a doctor, Blake."

"Not yet," the brunette elbows her ribs. "But you're the closest thing I've got to one - except for your mom but....she's better with animals, so......I've gotta keep the faith. You lose that, you lose everything.."

"Go to sleep, O."

After a while, Clarke hears her friend clear her throat.

"Are you nervous?" Octavia murmurs. "About seeing her again, after so long..."

"Yeah," she rasps, willing her heart to beat steadier.

"You think she's missed us?"

"I don't know, O," Clarke sighs. "But I hope so."

<\---<< | >>\--->

Driving out to the glades is a mission of it's own. It's not a task to be taken lightly and that's why the authorities warn against people just heading out by themselves unless they know the area. Even then, it's not exactly safe. Plenty of people live there, but only 3 families that Clarke actually knows or is allowed to be around. The Jaha's have been friends of her parents since before she was born. Thelonius has worked with her mother for over 20 years - his second wife, mother to his youngest son Wells, was introduced to him by Clarke's father Jake. Wells' older brother Waylon graduated with high honors and went off to college the same year Clarke and Wells entered their first year of high school at Arkadia. It would have been nice to have an upperclassman looking out for them, but at least Wells didn't have to live in his brother's shadow his whole high school career.

"I heard she had surgery," Octavia pipes up from the passenger seat. "Anya said she can actually see now."

"Oh," the blonde hums, unsure of what else to say to the news.

"When Linc and I saw her last night, she looked like she was getting around just fine. They must have just gotten in, I guess. Looked like they were unpacking.."

Anya's family, the Devereux's, had lived in the area for centuries - known to all the locals as part of the original settlers of the glades. Anya and Wells had been dating since they were practically knee-high to grasshoppers, a fact their parents found comforting because at least they knew each other's background and didn't have to worry about impressing anyone. The glades was a barefoot, backwoods kind of environment. Although that was only for those that lived there. Everyone else wore layers upon layers to protect them from the threats of the southern wild. The Devereux's were thought to be into voodoo for a while - some people still believed it to be the gospel truth - but truthfully, they just had to be able to take care of themselves because living so far away from anything remotely close to resembling actual medical care......they couldn't take a chance.

"You're quiet, girl," her friend interrupts her thoughts again. "What's going on inside that head of yours?"

"Just tired I guess," Clarke shrugs off the funk she's feeling, reaching over to change the dial on the old radio of the fixed up Bronco her dad had given her to get around. "You did wake me up in the middle of the night, remember?"

"Yes but only to give you news that I knew couldn't wait," Octavia says, fiddling with the AC. "It's gonna be weird, dontcha think? I mean.........she's never actually seen any of us. How's she going to remember who we are?"

"By voice or something, I guess..." she muses, freaking out a considerable amount more now. _I used to describe myself to her_ , she thinks. _Will she remember that? Will she put the pieces together and-?_

The Landry's were one of the most dangerous families residing in the glades. Dangerous because of the hunting and fighting skills they learned as children, from the time they could walk, but also because they knew how to disappear when need be. The family was known to have a simple naming tradition -- every member, male or female, had the first and last initials L. L. Layton was Lincoln's father, a strong and silent man whom Linc and his older brother Layth took after far too much. Layton had 2 sisters - Lara who had 3 boys (Leon, Larkin, and Locke) and then Liv, the youngest of the three, who had only Lexa. Lara and Layton had done well for themselves, both married with children and a home of their own. Liv, a late-in-life child for their parents and 12 years younger than Layton himself, had gotten pregnant at 14 and was ill-prepared for motherhood. Larrett and Lyla, Lexa's grandparents, had tried to help their youngest with the new responsibilities, but a house-fire had killed them both and it had been the older two siblings who stepped up to aid in the continued care of their niece. 

Lexa had been bounced around from her aunt's to her uncle's and then back to her mom's when she wasn't on a bender somewhere. But in truth, Lexa lived mostly with Indra Harden, her aunt Lara's best friend and one of the only outsiders who was welcome into the Landry's as honorary family. Indra was never able to conceive her own children but had been in a long-term relationship with a beautiful woman named Thalia Reyes who had a daughter from a previous marriage. Raven had been forced to live with her father, a wealthy business owner from the city who refused to allow his daughter to live with her 'mother and her filthy lesbo-lover.' After Liv moved away and took Lexa with her, Thalia's ex husband Raymundo had a heart attack and died, which meant that Raven was finally able to live with her mother full-time. 5 years after moving in with her mother and Indra, Raven had made the decision to change her last name - a hyphenated version of her two mothers' last names, Reyes-Harden. 

"I called Raven before we left," the brunette beside her mumbles, picking idly at fuzz on her shirt. "She said Indra took Lexa out to get new clothes but they should be home anytime..."

"That's good. At least we won't be bombarding her first thing in the morning.."

Lexa was born with a condition that left her blind - not because she couldn't be helped, but because the Landry's couldn't afford to get her help and wouldn't submit for any assistance. That would have required letting the government get close enough to pick apart their living situations and that wasn't an option. The only doctor that was willing to make house calls to that area of the swamps used to beg Layton to get Lexa the help she needed, but Layton was a proud man and shut down every attempt by anyone else in the family to intercede on Lexa's behalf. ' _The girl's fine_ ,' he'd brushed it off. ' _Probably best she can't see the shit her mama's doing anyway.._ '

Unfortunately, that left Lexa in the dark for most of her life. 

She was never left behind though. The Landry boys treated her no differently than they treated each other - the only exception being that they didn't ask her to steer the boat through the winding channels of the wetlands they explored as kids. They watched out for her, sure. Made sure she didn't step into any pits or stumble onto any snakes - just the usual that you'd do for anybody, really. But she had to learn to take care of herself, too, and that meant letting her get some scrapes along the way. She was just as crazy as them, too. Fearless in ways that her cousins couldn't understand except to say that she just didn't know enough to be afraid -- mostly on account of her not being able to see the threats around her.

With Clarke, though, Lexa was different. Clarke had often heard her mother remark that Lexa reminded her of a feral child - dirty and wild, barely able to form intelligent speech, though one really couldn't tell much about her verbal skills because she hardly ever spoke. It wasn't the kind of thing that her parents intended for her to hear, mostly taking place in the privacy of their own bedroom after Clarke was supposed to be in bed. The blonde didn't understand what her mother had meant at the time - all of her friends were dirty and smelled like mud because that's what they played in 90% of the time. It was all around them, after all. Mud and slime, squelching the pitter-patter of the heathen children discovering the outside world when the sky wasn't gray with a summer shower. 

At any rate, when she stayed the night at the Griffin's, she was bathed and her hair was combed and she ate everything you'd put on her plate except for okra. ' _Ewwww_ ,' she would say quietly, her nose wrinkling as she spit the slimey contents out into her napkin. ' _Nassy_.' One word sentences, years behind the rest of her age-group, were about the extent of Lexa's communication the last time anyone from Arkadia had seen her. 

She was always quiet and soft with Clarke. Never rowdy and abrasive like she was with her cousins. Clarke would sit for hours while Lexa's hands worked through her hair, braiding it in tiny intricate sections, the one skill she'd been taught by her too-young mother. Lexa's careful fingers would trace over her face, memorizing her features like a map, and Clarke used to love to watch as the brunette's face would light up every time she'd notice something that Clarke had done different. Sometimes it was something as simple as a sticker she'd placed on her nose or a jewel she'd stuck to her forehead. One time she even wore fake vampire fangs (the only remaining part of her Halloween costume from the year prior), opening her mouth gently to let those skinny fingers poke and prod at her lips and jaw, laughing when Lexa would fake being scared when she'd nip at her. Clarke remembered exactly how Lexa looked the last time she'd seen her - the night Liv Landry had showed up at Abby and Jake's with all her stuff packed and demanded that Lexa get in the car. Clarke remembered the fear across Lexa's stunned face, the way her hands trembled in Clarke's grasp. She remembered her father trying to talk Liv out of leaving in the middle of the night, begging her not to just take off without letting anyone know where she was going.

' _Don't worry_ ,' Clarke had hushed her friend. ' _It'll be okay. I'll be here when you come back._ '

But Lexa didn't come back. Every day Clarke waited. Every vehicle that made it's way down her drive had her on the edge of her seat, hoping that it would be someone - anyone - bringing her best friend back to her. It just never happened.

"What do you think she's gonna say when she sees us? What do you think she'll think?"

"I don't know, O," she shakes her head, staring out ahead of her. "I'm sure she's just happy to see anything. Imagine living most of your life like that and then finally being able to see. Probably just as shocking as if it happened the other way around.."

"She was still wearing shades, though..." her friend says. "Maybe her eyes still haven't adjusted. Have you ever even seen her without them?"

"Once," Clarke half smiles, remembering as she looks into the rear-view mirror for a second before focusing on the road again. "But that was forever ago. I don't really remember..."

Green. The most vivid green eyes she'd ever seen - even to this day. The kind of green that haunts her because she can't find the name for it. In all the colors she's ever bought to paint with, all the greens she's searched through meticulously, she's never found a green to match the color of those eyes that stole her heart as a little girl.

"Would it be weird for us to take a picture with her? What if.......I mean, what if she leaves again?"

Clarke feels her heart stop at the thought. She just got her back and now she's feeling the loss all over again - the feeling of Lexa being yanked from her arms like her mother had done that night. Clarke can feel Lexa's fingers grabbing at her shirt, twisting and trying to hold on. She can see the tear fall down Lexa's cheek and hear the girl saying ' _No Mommy, No!_ ' The blonde shivers at the memory of her father picking Lexa up in his arms and carrying her, patting her back and kissing her forehead as he helps load her in the car. She remembers running to her bedroom, grabbing her stuffed raccoon and racing back to Liv's car to practically throw it into her best friend's lap. ' _Don't forget me Lex_ ,' she rasped. ' _Til we meet_ _again_!'

"I guess you can ask her," she finally answers, trying to keep her internal distress from bubbling to the surface. "The worst she can say is no..."

"Yeah, you're right," Octavia says, flipping the visor up and down over her seat. "Guess I'm freaking over nothing, ya know? It's still the same old Lexa. I mean......she can't have changed that much, right?"

"I'm sure she's still pretty much the same," Clarke assures her, hoping the sentiment reaches her eyes so the lost look doesn't give her away. "I mean.....we all are......pretty much the same. Nothing much has changed in the past 10 years. We all still live here and we're all still friends. I think that's.......enough to make her feel comfortable. At home..."

"You think she still thinks of this place as home?" the brunette questions, staring out the window as they drive farther into the outskirts of town and deeper into the area known as 'the glades'.

"Who knows, Blake," she sighs. "Who knows where she's been. Or what she's been through. But I'd like to think this place still resonates with her in some way......."

 _And maybe the people in it, too_ , she thinks. 

<\---<< | >>\--->

They wait for 2 hours, listening to old records in Raven's room while her mom cooks a late lunch of 'Swamp Bate', the nickname for Lexa's favorite childhood meal of jambalaya. Clarke sits nervously picking at the edges of the swivel chair hanging from ceiling in her friend's room while Octavia and Raven talk animatedly about how good the football team is this year. Thalia pokes her head in every so often, begging the girls to play a certain song or to 'chuck that fuckin' record out the window before Indra gets back and does it for you'. Apparently there are some songs that just will not be tolerated in the Reyes-Harden household. After what feels like an eternity, Thalia peaks through the beaded curtain hanging in Rae's doorway to let them know that Indra has returned and she and Lexa may require some assistance.

Clarke moves slowly through the house, towards the screen door where she looks out to see Raven and O pushing each other the entire way towards Indra's old Land Rover. And there, standing beside the passenger side door, is her long-lost best friend. Lexa Dalise Landry, in the flesh.

She's taller than Clarke would have expected. More athletic looking, too. Her skin is a golden tan like she's spent a fair amount of time in the sun during the decade she's been away. The beat up tank she wears shows off some of the most exquisite trap muscles and brazenly built shoulders and biceps that Clarke thinks she's ever witnessed. Loose boyfriend jeans hang low on her hips and she feels guilty, just a little, for acting like a creeper and following how the material seems to hug the sculpted body wearing them. Even worse when Thalia clears her throat behind her and motions towards the girl she's been gawking at for the past.......insignificant infinity.

"You gonna go out there?" the woman smirks, her accent the only thing that would even remind you that she wasn't actually from here. "She won't bite you, Blondie."

"Yeah, no, I just needed a minute," Clarke nods, taking a deep breath as she reaches for the wood panel of the door. "It's been....."

"Too long," the older woman finishes for her. "She's just as nervous as you, sweetie. But I know she'll be ecstatic to see you. And yes, I do mean _actually_ see you.."

"So....so she can? See me, I mean?"

"She can," Thalia confirms, glancing back at Lexa through the screen door. "She sees everything now. It's such a trip to watch her, ya know? Like a newborn baby.....she's seeing everything for the first time. She goes from smiling and watching something in just....complete awe, and then she's......quiet. Skittish, even. Maybe it's this place or a combination of everything that's happened in the past month or so.."

"You think it's overwhelming for her? Being back here? Taking all of this in and...with her mom-"

"It's a lot," the Latina agrees, rubbing her palm soothingly across the blonde's back. "But she'll make it. Those Landrys.......they're like cockroaches. Nothing ever keeps 'em down."

"Lexa's not a cockroach," Clarke huffs, fingers dancing along the screen in front of her.

"You know what I mean, sugar. Don't go getting all defensive," the woman beside her chuckles, patting her on the butt once. "Now get out there and help them or you don't eat. The day's still young and you're in good health.."

_Ah yes, the famous 'Hardenism', basically meant to say that if it's still light outside and your body ain't falling apart, you're expected to pull your own weight. Even as a guest._

She pauses to take one last look before she pushes the door open, stepping out into the sunlight shining on the porch, and finally into Lexa's line of vision. She smiles, weakly, but it falls the minute she realizes the brunette isn't smiling back. If anything, she looks scared - like an animal caught in a trap. _She doesn't remember me_ , Clarke thinks. _Not like this. She's never seen me._ Her steps falter briefly but she pushes on, her eyes set on the tightening of Lexa's jaw as she watches her approach, the ripple of flexing muscles under smooth skin glistening with a thin sheen of sweat in the summer sun. She stops, only a foot away from her target, tentatively reaching for the girl's hands. She notices Lexa tense up, but she doesn't pull away, allowing Clarke to take her fingers gingerly and place them on her face.

The blonde waits for those slender digits to roam, skating across her cheeks and her forehead, over her eyebrows and cheekbones, down along the ridge of her nose, thumbs brushing over her lips. There's a second of insecurity - a smidgen of anguish that sets in with the thought that those fingers don't recognize the feel of her. And yet, in the time it takes Clarke to release the breath she's been holding, she sees Lexa smile. It's the most disarmingly gorgeous smile, her knees going weak at the sight of it. _Does she recognize me this way? Surely that's why she--_

"Clarke.."

  



	2. The Mooche

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: This chapter mentions child abuse/neglect, drug and alcohol abuse, overdose, and mentions of a characters death. If there's anything else I've failed to mention, I do apologize.
> 
> Also, I'm a shitty proof-reader so I'm sorry for any errors in grammar, spelling, etc.
> 
> & Yes, I know that the correct spelling is 'Llyr'. I like the spelling 'Lyrr' because it kinda gives you the feeling like Lexa's mom didn't really know how to spell the name and probably just heard it somewhere, liked it, and decided to wing it. (Then again, maybe I'm just overthinking that. Don't mind me.)

**24 hours ago...**

"Indra will be meeting you at the airport," he explains, loading up her last bag into the back of the SUV. "You're sure you're okay to do this? I'm not kicking you out, Lexa, I need you to understand that.."

"I know," she nods, staring back at the house behind them - an old-style plantation home that had been in Marcus's family for almost 200 years. "I can't thank you enough for what you've done."

"Just come back and visit, okay? Make sure I know you're all right, yeah?"

"I will.."

"You remember our deal, right?" he asks her, closing the hatch. "You remember what I told you..."

"I know the deal," Lexa smiles. "I stay with Indra and Thalia, maintain my grades, no trouble, and if I need you.....I call."

"No matter what time, day or night, you got me? Just pick up the phone.."

"I will," she breathes out, again nodding her affirmation. 

"Did you make sure you packed Blue?" the man half-teases her. "I'd hate to spend a fortune overnighting a stuffed raccoon out to the fucking boondocks."

Blue, aka B.B. or BabyBlues, the raccoon plush that Clarke had given her the night her mother took her away from everything she'd ever known. The raccoon she'd named after the descriptor Clarke's father had used for her childhood best-friend's eyes - a way to remember the only person she felt really understood her. Even before she knew how to express herself in more than two words.

She knew what other kids thought about her, even back then. She knew she didn't talk like them. She was already at a disadvantage because she couldn't see to read or write like them. She had to learn numbers by counting on her fingers, learning multiplication later on by memorizing times tables by song. She knew she was delayed because of how adults spoke to her - mostly teachers or aids in the classrooms. They talked to her like she was stupid, like she didn't have a chance in the world. Kids were cruel but at least they were honest about what they thought. Adults would baby her and try to do everything, growing frustrated if she couldn't do something right and they had to wait before moving on. She couldn't see their faces, but the pregnant pauses and the changes in their breathing - little huffs and puffs of exasperation - it was enough to know they were bothered by her presence. Bothered by the 'other'. 

That was mostly why she just didn't speak at all - far more content to let others talk around her instead. There were some people that gave her a chance but it was so few and she was already so comfortable with the alternative. It wasn't like being outside, running around the swamps. Talking was scary for her - it didn't feel natural. A fact she learned was a family trait based on her uncle's lack of communication skills when it didn't come to barking orders or making threats. Layton Landry didn't do 'encouragement' or 'incentive'. Not when you were just expected to do as he said. That was how it was in her family, she remembered. Uncle Layton was the man of the family. His word was law. 

Still, even when her own family (her aunt and uncle and their kids) had made her feel like she was more an obligation than someone they actually wanted around, Clarke and her parents - Indra and Thalia - they had always treated her like she was something special. And not in that 'poor little broken thing' kind of way.

"Yeah," she chokes back the memories, the thoughts of what she's returning to. "Yeah, I packed him. First thing this morning when we woke up.."

"Listen kiddo, I wanna get the awkward goodbye hug out of the way before we head to the airport, okay?" Marcus tells her, grabbing her by her shoulders. "I love you. You know that? I love you like you're my own. And I know you're proud and you don't wanna admit when you can't handle things but.....don't be afraid to ask for help. And don't you ever hesitate to reach out if you need something. I don't care if it's homework or class projects or....homecoming or whatever it is you kids do these days. Just......call me. I'll drop what I'm doing to answer cause I know you're not a chatter so....if you call something must be up.."

"Marcus," she tries, hoping the quiver in her voice isn't obvious.

"I know, I know," he shakes his head, pulling her in for hug. "You're too emotional, just can't handle it," he jokes, before leaning back to kiss her temple. "Seriously though, I'm gonna miss the hell outta you. Who the hell am I gonna jam with now??"

"I'll come back, I swear it," Lexa clings to his shirt, nodding reassuringly. "Just give me time to do this...I-I just-"

"I know, kid. I know. Do what you have to do and take care of him, you hear me?" he squeezes her tight until she feels like she can't breathe. "Don't let them get to him - to either of you, got it??"

"Yes sir," the brunette agrees, shakily. "I got it. I'll protect him," she says, glancing over the man's shoulder into the backseat of the SUV at the little boy waiting in his car-seat. "With my life, I promise."

"Alright well.......let's get going then," Marcus announces, wiping any remaining hint of upset from his face. He runs towards the driver's side door, peaking into the backseat as Lexa does the same from the passenger side. "You ready big boy?"

"Lyrr go bye-bye?" Lexa cooes at the blonde haired, blue-eyed 2 year old in the backseat. "Lyrr go bye-bye on the plane?"

"PLANE!" the boy yells with delight, throwing his arms out to his side like wings. "ME BYE-BYE DA PLANE!!"

"Alright alright," Marcus chuckles. "No need to be pushy, squirt. Sit back, buckle up, and you'll be flying in no-time, little man."

"FLY DA PLANE!" they hear being screamed, enthusiastically, over the radio.

"God, you better hope he keeps this up so he crashes on the plane," the older man jests.

"Really Marcus?? Crash??"

"Poor word-choice," he shrugs. "I'm a little off my game today, losing both my kids and all. Sue me."

"If that plane so much as sputters, I swear to Christ, Kane-"

"See, not even at the airport and already I'm reduced to my last-name with you people," he feigns offense. "Just gut me, why don't you?!"

"If our plane crashes, I hope my restless spirit guts you.."

"I think I liked you better when your threats were blind," he quips, looking into the rear-view mirror as Lyrr laughs at nothing in particular.

"Asshole."

<\---<< | >>\--->

**16 hours ago...**

It's dark outside as they drive to the place she once knew like the back of her hand. She used to know exactly how many steps it took her to get from Indra's front door into the house and directly in front of the fridge. She knew every corner of every table or chair - every sharp edge she learned by introducing her body to it, learning it's location in relationship to other hazards she'd fought before. 

"You'll have freedom to do whatever you want," Indra offers her with a smile. "You can come and go as you please, just let me know where you're going to be and if you're going to be late getting back so I don't worry. And at least I'll know where to go looking if I sense something is wrong. The only thing I don't tolerate in my house is drugs. And I'm not talking marijuana, either. If I catch you with the hard stuff in my house, you're gone. Same as anyone else that lives there. Including Thalia."

"I don't do drugs," she says plainly.

"Yes, well...I assumed as much. But, I wanted to be clear. Anyways.....Mr. Kane told me you're well behaved, but that you have issues with authority. He said you don't like being given orders. I won't be doing that - you're plenty old enough to know what's expected in terms of being considerate and respectful of other people and their boundaries. I will warn you, though, that things here haven't changed much from when you were here before....and by here I mean Manoir de Mangroves. You know the dangers.."

 _Oh yes_ , Lexa thinks. _I know the dangers. Though I dare say I'm anxious to see what the Mangrove Manor has in store for me now._

"Yes ma'am," she nods, looking back at the sleeping boy in the backseat.

She doesn't remember the drive out of town being as long as the drive in seems to be now. But she reckons she most likely fell asleep and lost track. It's not like she can look around now and tell where she is - how close they may or may not be to home. _It is suppose to be home, right? For now, anyway. Just until..._

"You doing okay? It's an adjustment, I understand.."

"I'm fine," the brunette answers. "I just.......this can't be easy for you....two more mouths to feed-"

"Sweetheart, I tried to get you back a hundred times before - hell, maybe even a thousand," the woman explains. "I did everything short of launching my own crusade. That mama of yours wasn't having it.."

"I know," Lexa says softly. "Marcus told me.."

And he had. 

Marcus Kane, the man that saved her and her brother from becoming another product of the system that seemed designed to fail them - the man that made sure she got the surgery the doctors had promised would help her - he'd been so brutally honest with her about everything that was going on with her mother. As a child, all those years ago when it first started, she didn't understand. She was angry at her mother for practically kidnapping her and running halfway across the country, stopping here and there, all to avoid being forced to give up custody of the child she couldn't take care of to begin with. Marcus had laid out the facts for her like a jigsaw puzzle, showing her all the tiny details, from the time she was born to the time her mother died. He helped make sense of the events she remembered only partially, and explained in as much detail as he could what had been going on behind the scenes. Or in Lexa's case, right in front of her face.

Indra had filed a compliant against Liv, 4 days before the youngest Landry sibling made off in the middle of night like a criminal, forcing the states hand when it came to the almost 7 yr old in her custody. Children's Welfare cases usually were picked up immediately and the child was removed within 24 hours of the claim being made, if for no other reason than to allow time for further investigation. However, like with most cases that involved mayhem in the marshes, Lexa's case was passed right off, one uncaring hand to the next, until it was too late and they were already gone with the wind. Lexa's mother had been tipped off by an unsuspecting person who had it on high authority that 'a little blind girl' was about to be 'removed from her home' because her guardian 'failed to alert the proper authorities' after signs of abuse occurred. Knowing full well that the only little blind girl in the glades was her own daughter, Liv did the first thing she knew to do, in every case, which was run to her older siblings to fix the problem.

Layton was livid, of course, but he did his utmost to try and calm his baby sister, promising they had nothing to go on and the case would be dismissed before supper the next night. Unfortunately for Layton Landry, Lexa's doctor had been keeping records of her condition - waiting for a reason, aching for an opportunity to pull his strings - and when Indra had called him about bleeding she'd noticed when helping wipe Lexa's bottom, he'd spared no expense in trying to help the woman form her case. Finally his hands weren't quite so tied and he had enough to be able to speak up without causing himself any damage - professionally, that is.

Liv - always a live-wire, always acting spontaneously and rarely thinking of the consequences - had gone back to the scene in the hopes of speaking with her informant again. And speak, they did. Which is why she'd gone to her older sister's house tearing her a new asshole the second she'd gotten back to the glade, trashed out of her mind and relying on a guy in black and white checkered shorts to chauffeur her. This detail, Lexa recalled Kane telling her, was noted in the police report that was documented after a conversation with Jake Griffin who described the man as "shifty, at best - a real 'mollester' type". The brunette's mother, in her drunken stupor, had demanded to know what had happened to give Dr. Shaw a reason to report possible sexual abuse and/or negligence and why she'd had to find out from her new drinking buddy - the unknowing new secretary whom had never actually seen Lexa or her mother and was fired within 5 minutes of Indra's panicked phone call to the good doctor while Liv was still screaming her head off in the background from the woman's front porch.

Lexa remembered very clearly the smell of alcohol on her mother's breath that night and the unholy mixture of that stink mingling with a strong scent of cologne worn by the man behind the wheel of her mother's car. If she didn't know any better, she would have thought he just smelled like cigar smoke, but having grown up around her uncle she knew the smell that left behind and this guy's aroma was far too manufactured. His brand was expensive, in a piggish way - the kind of smell she associated with the principal from her old school. He'd always made her uncomfortable, but her mother insisted he was a peach. Looking back, the guy said next to nothing that night in the care and it could very well have been him. She wouldn't have been surprised, though she would have thought Mr. Griffin to have recognized him.

All the paperwork showed that Indra had spent ridiculous amounts of money trying to track Lexa down, while Liv had spent other people's fortunes trying to hide her. She played her game well. 

The man that drove them away that night disappeared leaving in his place a man named 'Dax'. Daxem Mills, she remembers him saying. He was a very strong spoken man, self-important and sharp, until he was around another man. Around women, Dax was aggressive - a real Alpha Male - but put him in front of another man, all that bravado shriveled. Lexa wasn't sure why her mother kept him around. He wasn't protecting anyone and he grew increasingly more violent each time Liv met a new mark. Dax liked the money that was brought in but the idea that he was sharing 'his woman' with someone else - someone he got the distinct impression seemed to handle things better than him - well, that drove him mad.

It was always the same. Rich man with a need for a young toy, someone who was willing to 'prioritize'. Oh and Liv could prioritize alright. It's just that her priority was never really what it needed to be. She could spin a story, though. Lexa learned that all too well. On the few nights that her mother spent at home, she would tuck her in and tell her bedtime stories. Stories of princesses in castles with princes fighting dragons for their hearts. She told stories about mansions she'd seen - huge houses with stair cases in the center of the house that seemed to never end and more bedrooms than she could count on her toes. Lexa wasn't sure if any of it was true, but she enjoyed hearing about it. It was the only good thing she had anymore. 

She'd been asked many times how they managed to stay hidden. It wasn't because her mother kept her shacked up somewhere, taking care of her so that no one became suspicious. Oh no, that would never do. That task first fell to Nia, a woman Dax had met and offered to pay to 'baby-sit'. Nia's services were short-lived because she had a thing for 'sadistic' punishments and that landed Lexa in the shady-as-fuck clinic too many times for her mother to let that stand. Eventually, Lexa was left at the shit-hole apartment alone and told that if she messed anything up it would be her ass. Liv, however, avoided having to get a real job, avoided having to put her name on any housing applications - any paperwork that could be traced back to the 'little blind girl' and her drug addict mother from the sticks who took off in the middle of the night to avoid CPS. She avoided having to exist, really. Outside the bottles she drained on a daily basis and the pills she swallowed by the handful. She somehow managed to live and breathe mooching everything including the fucking oxygen from those around her.

And Lexa was invisible. With her hair in a boyish cut and the clothes she work mostly masculine, her mother had taken to calling her 'Liam'. Everyone was looking for a blind 'girl', right? Masquerading her child around as a boy seemed to do the trick when it came to keep people looking the other way. 

Until Marcus Kane flew in from across the country on a weekend visit with his old high-school best friend. Trudging towards his 'home-sweet-home' for the next 3 days, he found a boney, barely clothed 14 year old Lexa with her hair buzzed short in the elevator opposite his at the top floor of his high-end hotel building in Polaris. The door to the elevator opened just as he was standing there staring at the paper to know which room and when he looked up he saw this gaunt looking figure - bent over the unconscious body of a woman approximately in her mid 30's - crying and yelling in broken sobs for the woman to ' _get up! please, wake up!_ ' Marcus told her later that when he rushed to catch the door before it closed, Lexa lunged at him trying to keep him away from her mother (something he later found to be particularly amazing considering she had to locate him using the sound of his footsteps alone) - fighting with the kind of force of 10 grown men and with the amount of courage to fuel an entire army. He talked often about what a fighter she was and how much he admired that about her.

"He's beautiful," Indra gushes, glancing back at Lyrr and drawing Lexa out of her reverie. 

"He's perfect." she grins.

"You won't have to take care of him by yourself, anymore," the woman says, thinking out loud. "You're just a teenager, Lexa. Not his mother. And you should never have been made to feel like that was your responsibility. Mr. Kane told me what happened and....nobody blames you for what you did-"

"Please don't," the brunette stops her. "Please don't talk about it like it's okay-"

"Of course it's not okay," Indra acknowledges. "I'm not saying that it's okay. What I'm saying is....I'm just sorry that you felt like that weight rested solely on your shoulder. What happened was......"

"I killed my mother," Lexa states, coldly. 

"She killed herself," the older woman corrects her. "She knew what was going to happen - you gave her all the warning she needed to back up-"

"And then I shot her," the girl replies, turning her head to look at the woman driving. "I shot my mother in the face, at point blank range. I should be in jail. Or worse, maybe....I don't know. I'm a monster, Indra.................but I had to be to keep him safe."

"You're not a monster, Lexa. You did what the system should have done for you a long, long time ago. You protected yourself and your brother. It's not right in the eyes of the law, and I'm not trying to tell you that it won't fuck with your mind, but honey........if it had been me or anybody else I know in that circumstance........there'd be no difference in the outcome."

It didn't matter. It didn't matter what anyone said she would always feel like she killed her mother. Because the fact is, she did. She couldn't take that back now - like most of her life, sadly - but she wasn't sure she would even if she could.

See, what Marcus didn't know when he stumbled upon Lexa on the older side of an elevator 'ding', was that the 'mother of the year' was already pregnant with her second child. A child that every doctor Kane talked to had told him would 'undoubtedly' be born with some kind of birth defects - mild, moderate, or 'the likes of which the world had never seen'. By sheer miracle, Liv was been arrested for a petty assault charge at the hospital she was taken to - an altercation with another patient, apparently, not that it mattered. It was a sad type of intervention, but it gave Marcus the time he needed to use his connections and secure a way for Lexa to stay with him while her mother was coerced into attending a rehab program for the duration of her pregnancy. Liv was given the option: ' _jail time or you sign over temporary custody of Lexa and let me take her while you attend rehab close by_ '. It seemed like a no-brainer, even to Liv, who signed eagerly and was then transported by private medical transport to Marcus Kane's home state where she completed her treatment.

Lexa was finally enrolled in a school that could help cater to her special need while giving her a 'touch' of normal. She learned to read by using Braille and Marcus would frequently read to her from his collection at night. During one of these nights, he read a passage talking about blues and jazz music. He decided it would be a learning experience for his new charge and got up to put on a record. The minute Lexa heard it - the sultry sounds of Duke Ellington's 'The Mooche' - she was in love. And her guardian could see it, too. That night he promised to get her lessons from a local jazz musician he knew and took her that weekend to buy her very first trumpet. Lexa ate, slept, and breathed trumpet and Kane would often let her negotiate exchanging reading for a practice jam session a few nights a week. Kane was a multi-faceted musician - a master of guitar, sax, clarinet, oboe, and, most importantly, piano. Lexa loved to listen to him play and loved it even more when she would play a few notes and it seemed to fit the key he played in. He encouraged her ad-libs all the time and would often hit certain notes with a bit more fervor trying to hint to her to chime in. 

He was the only father figure and by far one of the best men she'd ever known.

Six months later, Lyrr Heston Landry was born - perfectly happy, healthy (by the grace of the spirits), and the most gorgeous thing Lexa never knew she'd be able to see. Liv was living in a halfway house at the time, but upon his birth, she moved into a shitty cabin 10 miles away from Kane's family plantation. After careful negotiations with a surprisingly uplifting version of her mother, Lexa went to stay with her under the condition that she would stay in school and continue to be cared for, an agreement Kane thought was more than fair considering. The choice was ultimately left up to Lexa, but he set the parameters. What he didn't account for, or perhaps maybe he did, was that Liv was a backslider. She sabotaged herself around every bend - a classic 'youngest child' who needed the excitement, consequence be damned - and it didn't take long for her to fuck up again.

During the summer, Lexa stayed home with her brother while her mother left to work. To a child, time away from home is simply that and Lexa didn't understand how her mother could spend so much time away at work and not have enough money to buy food or diapers. Towards the beginning of August, Lexa was told to get in the car and not ask questions. Violating the terms of her probation and the custody arrangements for keeping Lexa, Liv loaded both of her children up and ran as far away as she could. Far enough that she hoped Marcus Kane would never find her. One crack-stop to another, they migrated back to Polaris and back to the man that the junkie-mom had left behind.

Unbeknownst to them, Marcus Kane had already started doing some digging. A wealthy man with his hand in many a market, he had influence everywhere and plenty of people reporting back to him about a woman they'd seen with a 'scrawny teenage girl' and a baby. By the time, they reached Liv's old stomping ground, Marcus was already on a plane there and he wasn't leaving until he had ensured the safety of Lexa and her brother. Liv had hiding spots the down-home southern gentleman wasn't accustomed to and never would have guessed and it took a fair amount of time but eventually it was Lexa who unintentionally led the man right to them.

She and her brother were starving. Their mother had been gone for 2 weeks and Lexa's limited rice cooking and baby cereal mixing wasn't cutting it anymore because there was not a grain of either left. Dax had been arrested during a raid at the neighbors' place down the hall and he hadn't managed to do any grocery shopping before that. It was too dangerous for Lexa to take her brother with her, leaving the only _mildly_ safer confinement of the apartment in search of some type of nourishment. She also couldn't leave him there alone and so the only thing she could think to do - she did. She placed her baby brother on the landlord's door step, rang the bell, and waited for the sound of the fat bastard opening the door. As soon as he did, he stepped out to lean over and look into the make-shift baby crib Lexa had fashioned from a box she'd gotten hold of in the utility closet down the hall. She counted the man's food-steps, his swollen feet thudding against the tile floor, and when she thought she'd counted enough space between his back and the door frame, she made her move. She rushed past him, shutting the door tenderly behind her so as to appear that the man had mistakenly locked himself out in the hurry to see what was going on outside. She thought it would give her time to rummage, feeling around for containers she recognized and knew could be used for food. 

What she hadn't thought about was the landlord's daughter being home at the time. And that opened up a whole can of worms she wasn't prepared to deal with. The police were called and Lexa begged for them to send her brother somewhere safe. _'Just send him somewhere where they'll treat him right_ ,' she cried to the male officer who held her hands behind her back as he pressed his body against hers, holding her to the side of the cruiser. ' _Please, sir, I'm not fighting! I'm not fighting! Just.......just make sure my brother's okay_.' 

One of Marcus Kane's friends was a detective on duty that night and made a phone call to his buddy when he recognized the description of the juvenile offender in question. Kane showed up and threw his weight around and got the courts to award him temporary guardianship of both children while he tried to make contact with other family members in regards to a more permanent placement. Her mother, as it turns out, served a measly 4 months in jail (once she was arrested 3 days following) before being released. 

Lexa and Lyrr moved back to their guardian's estate and waited for their mother's inevitable resurfacing. Kane often joked that for someone who didn't seem to give a shit about the welfare of her children, Liv Landry sure seemed determined to keep them close. Lexa had already recovered from surgery and Lyrr was pushing 16 months by the time her mother showed up, banging on the old screen door at the front of the huge white plantation home sitting on a beautiful 300+ acres of farmland and woods alike. ' _I want my kids_ ,' she'd demanded, not finding it in the least bit funny when Marcus answered her with a polite yet concise ' _I'm sorry, but that's not happening. You may speak to them through this screen if they wish to see you, otherwise, you can get the hell off my property the same way you came._ '

Lexa had heard the exchange. She'd heard her mother's accusations - a grown, unmarried man, being so close to a teenage girl that wasn't his daughter. She threatened him, threatened to ruin him with claims that he'd sexually assaulted his ward, and Lexa knew that a weaker man probably would have given in. 

Marcus Alistair Kane IV was anything but weak.

And Liv was anything but reasonable. She waited another week, plenty of time for them to assume she had skipped town, and then she and Dax showed up one evening while Marcus was still at work in town. Lexa was busy prepping the things they needed for dinner, chopping vegetables and marinating the pork tenderloin Kane had brought home the night before. They'd been working on different skill-sets that he'd told her she would need as an adult, including but not limited to cleaning the house, doing her own laundry, basic cooking and baking, as well as little odd jobs around the house. Lexa had been just about to put the meat in the oven when she heard something that sounded off. It was a car.........but it wasn't Kane's. Not having one of the 5 senses allows more focus on the other 4 and as a result she'd developed impeccable, almost superhuman hearing. She wiped her hands quickly and rounded the corner from the kitchen just in time to see Daxem Mills - slicing through the screen door with a pocket knife and reaching in to unlatch it so he could let her mother in.

Lexa had never run so fast in her life. She made her way to Kane's room, grabbing the gun she'd been shown was fixed just behind his dresser for quick-drawing power. She ran as quickly as she could to the playroom where her brother was with their 'neighbor/nanny'. The woman shrieked when she saw Lexa with the gun but hushed quickly when she realized Lexa was signalling that there was trouble. Lexa waited until they were situated out of sight as best they could be before she took the safety off. When Liv stepped into sight in the doorway to the room, Lexa let out warning.

' _Don't come any closer_ ,' she growled - like a dog backed into a corner. ' _I have a gun_.'

Her mother laughed - _the typical Landry thing to do,_ she remembered thinking - before telling her ' _You ain't gonna shoot me. I'm all you and your brother got, honey. Soon as you turn 18, that bastard's gonna drop you. And then where are you gonna go? You gonna run back to the glades?? You don't even know how to get there silly girl_. _Face it, sugar. You need me..._ '

Her mother was always one to use that against her. She knew that, but even now it still hurt to hear. She heard the creak of the old wood floor and knew the woman didn't believe her - knew all too well that she was calling her bluff. She also knew if she gave her that inch, she'd take the whole room. _Not another fucking step_ , she told herself.

' _I said don't come any closer_ ,' she said firmly, standing up from behind the turned over bed they were using for cover. ' _If you so much as sneeze and move your hand to cover your own face and I think it's too close, I'll shoot you. I swear I will..._ '

Again her mother laughed, albeit a little more nervously that time.

' _You've gotten better at that bat-sonar shit you do_ ,' she taunted. ' _I'd almost half-believe you could see me. Ya know, I've hardly ever seen you without your glasses. I forgot how pretty your eyes were, babygirl. Only ones in the Landry family with colored eyes....you and your brother. I fucked up a lot in my life but.....damn if I don't make some pretty babies.._ '

She always was a talker. Dax liked to think he was the brains of their little operation, but Liv Verena Landry was a fucking dream-weaver with her words.

' _I'm warning you, one more time, Mama_ ,' Lexa remembered trying, tears forming in her eyes as she watched her mother's face change and she knew the decision had already been made. ' _Please just go. Please just get back in your car and go. I don't want to hurt you.._ '

"Does everyone know?" she asks, carefully. She's been too quiet, she's been in her head too much. "Do they all-Will they all look at me differently?"

"The news they were given was that your mother killed herself," the response is definite, calculated. "That is all they need to know. With the exception of Thalia, who needed to be made aware of the circumstances surrounding your case and the length of time you needed to stay with Kane before coming to us, I don't see it necessary for anyone to know whether your mother's death was _assisted_ or not. All they need to know is that your mother is gone and you are here now. How _they_ choose to perceive you or your situation now is not up to you. What _is_ up to you is how you let those perceptions affect you."

"Oh......okay..."

"Listen to me, Lexa. Fuck what other people say about you, okay? Fuck your uncle and fuck all his 'blood is thicker than water' shit. He's an ignorant, insufferable ass. And by ignorant I don't mean poorly educated, although that's not entirely untrue. If he ever tries to approach you with that nonsense you tell him that the correct saying is 'The Blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb' and that it's meant to say that family is about a special bond, a vow to protect and love. Not fucking DNA. And then you tell him to kiss your ass and you walk away. Don't you let him make you feel like you're betraying anyone by not wanting contact with him. And don't let anyone else try to convince you to see him, either. Octavia dates your cousin Lincoln now, and I know you and her used to play together with Clarke but....don't be pressured by her. Hear me? I'm not trying to order you around, I'm just telling you this because....I don't want you letting someone else tell you about cleaning your windows when their whole damn house is nothing but smudged glass, ya understand?? They don't know your life..."

She heard the message, loud and clear. The same message Marcus had given her when she'd called him from the plantation, hysterically informing him that she'd just shot her mother and she was only sorry that she'd done it in his house. ' _Say nothing, Lexa_ ,' he'd warned her after she assured him she, Lyrr, and the nanny were all safe. ' _I'm on my way there now. Please just keep your mouth shut and let me protect you. They won't understand..._ ' 

_They would never understand. There's no sense in trying to explain.....to any of them._

"Yes ma'am," the brunette hums. "I understand."

"You'll have your own room, just like Raven," Indra tells her, reaching over to rub the back of her hand where it rests in her lap. She means for it to be comforting by it only makes Lexa flinch at the contact. But Indra holds strong and continues. "No overnight guests allowed in the bedrooms. If you have a friend stay over, male or female, one or both of you will sleep in the living room. Raven usually brings her mattress out into the living room when Clarke and Octavia stay over, so.....you may want to do that as well, either when they come or if you bring someone over yourself. But just know, there will be NO exceptions when it comes to your bedroom."

"Okay."

"Also, we do have bedroom doors but we do not use them often. Instead, we have beaded curtains that hang for a certain amount of privacy or seclusion while still maintaining an open flow of energy and air circulating throughout the home. You have the option to close your bedroom door when your doing homework or if you're changing clothes - though, I must also warn you that Raven is not modest at all so.....if nudity is something that bothers you, you might feel more comfortable staying in your room. Again, I'm not telling you what to do just....preparing you for the inevitability that she will walk through the living room naked just to get some orange juice. It's happened before..."

"Thank you for telling me." _More like 'thanks for saving me the embarrassment of being caught staring'....._

"As I was saying, you have the option of privacy when it's just you but if you have a friend over, that is no longer on the table. I will not invade your privacy, Lexa - Thalia and I don't just walk around eavesdropping on conversations or purposefully butting in to see what you're doing - but we also have developed a level of trust within the household. I'm sorry if that seems a bit much-"

"It's fine. I never closed or locked my door at Marcus' and....well I never really had a door to close with my mom so..."

"Well, I understand you may want some privacy at first - new environment and all - and I want that for you," Indra assures her, "But I want you to be aware of the rules of the household. I'm not singling you out and I'm not giving you orders. I'm just laying everything out for you to take and decide for yourself what is and is not worth fighting about."

"It's all more than acceptable," Lexa notes, eyes taking in the change in surroundings. "About my brother-"

"Thalia and I have already set up a toddler bed in our room-"

"No, I want him with me," Lexa raises her voice, her eyes never leaving the road ahead of them.

"You need your own space, Lexa," the woman tries. "A teenage girl needs-"

"I _need_ my brother _with me_ ," the girl affirms, a slight crack in her voice. "He sleeps with me - he always has....it's not about space, it's about comfort. I'm the only constant he knows, Indra.."

"Okay," she gives, sensing the brunette's distress. "Alright. We'll move the bed tonight, then. I'm not trying to take your brother away from you, sweetheart. I know you're scared-"

"I'm not scared," she objects.

"It's okay if you are. We can go at your pace with this, but we're only here to help you, child.."

"I know," Lexa concedes, letting in a shaky breath and blowing it out. "I'm sorry it's just...."

"Survival is all you know," Indra muses. "I get it, honey. I really do."

<\---<< | >>\--->

**8 hours ago...**

_5 a.m. Lexa. Jesus Christ. You're exhausted just......sleep._

But she can't sleep.

Lyrr's light breaths beside her are a lullaby she's used to but the bed is new and the room is foreign and empty still and she can't stop her mind from wandering. _Maybe I'll sleep better when my stuff is up_ , she reasons. _Maybe it'll feel safe_. She actually does feel safe. In a way she hasn't felt anywhere other than Kane's for a while. She knows that she and Lyrr are in good hands but.......part of her still screams to keep herself closed off. _Temporary, Lexa. This is temporary. As soon as you're 18 and you graduate...._

That was the plan after all:

  * Make sure that Lyrr was safe and cared for - thriving with Indra and Thalia.
  * Scatter her mother's ashes in the mangroves, her favorite place to play as a small child she remembered her grandmother had told her.
  * Maintain her grades and test well enough to impress colleges.
  * Find her music again.
  * Graduate and get accepted to South Nova, the university close to Marcus where she could live with him and study music.



All she had to do is get accepted, he'd told her. ' _Get accepted and I'll pay for everything you need, Lexa. You're so talented and you love music and......God I'd hate to see you end up doing something you hate just because nobody pushed and believed in you!_ ' All she had to do is hang on until graduation. She could have a career doing what she loved and be able to give her brother everything his heart desired. Be able to pay Kane back for everything he'd done. And given Indra and Thalia a nice 'thank you' for their giving her brother a real home and a real family. Lyrr still has a chance - still has potential to not end up completely fucked up and jaded. She's just too far gone herself to believe in anything other than music and the heartache that drives it. So why can't she play, anymore?

_Just hold on, Lexa. Steady your feet and don't let yourself sink._

But then there's the matter of Clarke.

Ah, yes. Clarke Griffin - the girl whose face she'd mapped out more than a million times with her hands. The girl who'd described her features to her like she actually knew what she was talking about.

' _Blue, Lexa. My eyes are blue like the sky. Like the ocean. Like those jeans you're wearin'._ ' she'd whisper into Lexa's ear while they laid in the blanket fort Clarke's father had built for them. And to Lexa, blue was that whisper. Timid and tired in the late hours at bedtime.

' _My hair is yellow_ ,' that sweet voice had told her, lips pressed against her jaw. ' _The same yellow as the sun outside in the morning times and those birds Miss Indra has that sing so pretty, Lex._ ' Yellow became the simmering heat she felt under her skin where Clarke's mouth once was.

Lexa didn't know about colors. It was hard to imagine such a thing but what she did know was sound, touch, taste, smell and the art of word association. To describe Clarke would be like this: Clarke felt warm like summer nights spent sleeping in a hammock on the front porch with the mosquito net around her and the cicadas singing. Clarke's laughter was like the rolling thunder accompanying a string of heat lightening - soft and shy, then brilliant and brassy. Lexa wasn't sure about taste but Clarke always smelled sticky sweet like the tangerines they used to share so if she had to guess, she'd say she probably tasted the same, too. For Lexa, Clarke was a perfect experience - a very pleasing mixture of sensory memories of all her favorite moments as a child. 

Looking at Lyrr, with his icey blue eyes and his golden blonde locks, she can almost picture Clarke in her head. The slopes of her cheekbones and her jaw, the little wisps of baby hairs at the top of her head along her hair line when her hair was pulled back, and the barely there beauty mark above her top lip. Yes, she can imagine just how beautiful the girl must be now - probably popular and hanging off the arm of some jock jerk-off. 

Lexa hadn't really had time for dating and she honestly hadn't been interested for a while. Her body had needs, obviously, and she handled them in the privacy of the shower where she could touch and learn what she liked and what she didn't without the fear of being interrupted. She'd been asked once about her sexuality by one of the girls at her old school but at the time she wasn't really sure what to say. She guessed the appropriate term would be "lesbian" - a woman who liked women. She thought girls were attractive, and she was sure that she felt not even a hint of 'stirrings' when it came to men, but she'd also have to admit she didn't really think about having sex with anyone. The truth was that she wasn't sure what it was supposed to look like - her having sex with someone else or sex in general. She'd heard the noises, unfortunately. Her mother wasn't exactly quiet. And Kane had given her a brief talk to cover the basics and the importance of using protection while extending an open invitation if she should ever feel comfortable enough to ask more 'in depth' questions in the future. She thought she had a pretty good idea of the mechanics of it but there was still plenty left to the imagination. She'd almost laughed when Indra had told her that she couldn't have 'spend the night' friends in her bedroom. _Ha, I wouldn't even know what to do if I got them there._

She could always lie though. She knew what kids at school said about virgins which was odd considering how much they talked about girls who actually slept around. Apparently, society couldn't pick a side, arguing for both the maiden and the minx. Lexa didn't really care either way. If anyone asked, she'd give a short ' _Yeah, been there, done that, got the flannel_ ' and then move on. People didn't really question answers like that. It was a quiet sort of dominance that spoke for itself with inquiring minds just assuming the best about you by your lack of needing to brag.

She doubts she'd even have a need to discuss her sexual endeavors or the absence of such. She wasn't popular among the kids here when she was in elementary and she doesn't want to assume that would have changed. She'd like to think that maybe Clarke would talk to her still. She's pretty sure that Raven would probably feel obligated in a way, with them being practically siblings. Octavia would talk to her. That much she's absolutely sure of. Octavia talked to everyone - always had - and she wished she'd had an 'Octavia' at the school she went to when she was living with Kane. 

At any rate, it's probably best she didn't worry about friends, anyway. She didn't want to have a reason to question her path. Her biggest problem now is..........she'd lost her music when she'd killed her mother. 

And she is almost ashamed to admit that only one of them she truly misses.

<\---<< | >>\--->

**30 seconds ago...**

_Fuck, she's beautiful. Oh god, she's so pretty it hurts. Can she see that I'm staring at her? What the fuck is wrong with me?!_

She fights with herself, praying that the inner monologue isn't visible on her face.

_Stop looking at her, Lexa! She's smiling at me. She's smiling---like she knows me. Oh no....she's too close. Fuck she's-_

The moment the girl grabbed her hands she felt this jolt of electricity course through her body, tingles shooting from the tips of her fingers as they touched the girl's face, all the way to her heart making it skip.

_Breathe Lexa, you're gonna pass out. Don't make yourself look weak, you idiot! Breathe!_

She traces over the girl's face, staring into blue eyes as the girl's lips curve upward slightly at her touch. Blue eyes like the ocean she'd seen in the deep sea documentaries Kane would watch with her. Silky looking blonde hair shining in the sun, as radiant as the center of the universe itself. And that precious little beauty mark above her-

_Clarke. My Clarke._

She knows it's wrong - she's been gone too long to even think this girl still cares about her as much as she might once have. But she can't help thinking of Clarke as hers, in some way. She smiles, hoping the girl can see the recognition written across her features. She just hopes she can find the words, but it's just-

"Clarke.." she sings, the girl's earth-shattering smile beaming back at her.

And suddenly all the plans she made, just like her, become merely clay in this princess' hands - her knees growing weak at the first melody from that mouth.

"Heya Lex."

  



	3. Distraction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!!! Bellarke *insert horror movie scream here*

**3 month later...**

Things at Arkadia High are just as they've always been. The same old cliques and the same old drama. Clarke's group of friends is a mix-matched bunch of delinquents made-up of everything from jocks like her boyfriend Bellamy and his friends Miller and Finn, to stoners like Jasper and Monty, and even geniuses like Raven 'the goddamn prodigy' Reyes. They're an eclectic bunch for sure and she wouldn't have it any other way.

Only now, there's Lexa.

And Clarke can't function the same when she's around. In fact, she can't think of anything else but Lexa and she's just grateful that no one else has seemed to notice, yet. Even now, as they're drinking and dancing at a party thrown in Bellamy and Octavia's house, she can't take her eyes off the green-eyed brunette across the room.

It's no secret that Lexa is attractive. She's got plenty of admirers from what Clarke can see. There's at least 5 girls that have asked Raven if Lexa has a girlfriend back where-ever she moved from or if she's got her eye on anyone at school. They're sisters kinda so...it would make sense that she would know, right? They'd share that kind of stuff, wouldn't they? But all Raven did was run back to Clarke and laugh about Lexa's fan club, telling Clarke that she wasn't even sure if Lexa liked girls or not. Even Clarke had a few inquiries from 2 girls in particular - Costia and Harper, both townees - who were interested in the new girl.

She'd tried poking around a little to find out for herself. They'd been laying in Lexa's bed one Saturday afternoon, lounging around like they had nowhere else to be, and Clarke had mentioned Costia.

' _She likes you, you know?_ ' she'd said, flipping over onto her back to stare at the ceiling fan above.

' _Who?_ '

' _Don't you give me that "who"_ ,' Clarke scolded her. ' _Costia, that's who. She asked me about you........and I know you've seen her staring_.'

' _Oh_ ,' Lexa paused. ' _Yeah I've seen her looking at me but.._.'

' _But you don't like her?_ '

' _I like her just fine,_ ' she said switching gears, ' _I just don't want to date her._ '

' _Do you like someone else?_ ' Clarke had asked. ' _Another girl. Or.....a boy, maybe?_ '

' _No, not really._ '

Just like that, Lexa had effectively shut down the subject like it was her job to keep people guessing. It was infuriating and Clarke couldn't deny how much it pissed her off that she was dying to know. _What good would it do you to know?_ she chastised herself. _It's not like it matters in the way of your friendship. It's not like......you like her. Not like that. Do you?_

And It's not like Lexa didn't know that Clarke was with Bellamy - everyone did. They were the most popular couple in school, the football star and the trophy blonde-girlfriend. It was more than that, of course, but that's what most of the school equated them to and she knew it. The thing is, Lexa never spoke to Clarke when Bellamy was around and Clarke wasn't sure if Bel made her friend uncomfortable or if Lexa just didn't want to be a third wheel.

She can see Harper making her move - coming up behind Lexa and wrapping her arms around the brunette's waist. She's not sure why but she feels her stomach knot up at the sight.

"You wanna get outta here?" Bellamy's hot breath is in her ear, drawing her eyes back to him.

"It's your party, Bel," she smiles at him, pecking his lips lightly. "You can't just dip like that."

"I can do whatever I want, Princess," he grins as his hands find her hips. "Besides, I thought.....maybe me and you could have some time alone, you know?"

She knows. It's been 6 months since they started dating and she knows what he's waiting for. He doesn't beg per say, but he's not exactly subtle about it. She's not sure what she's holding out for. All their friends have already done it so there's not really any fear of being judged. Raven and O have told her it's really no big deal and she should just get it over with. Granted, Octavia had told her that prior to her dating the girl's brother, but still. She gave the thumbs up, still, and only asked that Clarke spare them the details.

She watches Lexa turn in the other girl's arms and their faces are so close together that Clarke has to shut her eyes and look away. _Why does it bother you to see them together? It's not like Lexa is yours._ Out of the corner of her eye she catches Harper kissing the brunette's neck and there's an unfamiliar pain in her chest that she can't describe. _Stop it_ , Clarke berates herself. _Lexa's not yours_! Still, as Lexa's butt hits the back of the sofa and Harper's body seems to cover hers, Clarke can't handle anymore. _She's not mine........but I wish she was...._

"Let's go," she finally agrees, grabbing Bellamy's hand and letting him lead her out the back door to his truck.

<\---<< | >> \--->

Lexa's night has been interesting, to say the least.

She's managed to stay sober thus far and she's about to congratulate herself for not doing something incredibly stupid like making out with a random stranger or jumping off the Blake's roof into the pool like that crazy kid with the goggle's. But then she feels a pair of arms wrap around her waist and she feels her stomach drop. She's not sure of the etiquette for this situation but she's almost positive that she's got about 10-15 seconds (max) before the embrace gets awkward. _Say something charming, Lexa. For the love of-_

"Hey sexy Lexie," Harper cooes in her ear. "How you liking the party vibes? See anyone you like, tonight?"

Lexa spins in the girl's grip, finding the girl's face way too close to hers. _Not the blonde I was looking for but...._ "Maybe. And you? You seem like you're enjoying the festivities.."

"Oh I am," Harper smirks, her eyes flicking to Lexa's lips and then lower......much lower. "How bout you take me home, Tiger? My parents are gone for the weekend.."

"I uh..." Lexa pauses, feeling the girl's body press impossibly closer to hers. "I umm....I don't drive..."

"Podemos caminar, Lexa," Harper sing songs, pressing her lips to Lexa's neck.

"I didn't take Spanish, I-" the brunette pants, trying to catch her breath as her body gets pushed against the back of the sofa they've been standing beside.

"It means.......we can walk," the dirty blonde seductress hums, licking and biting her earlobe. "My house is two houses down on the right, Lex. I have a pool, and I've always wanted to try skinny dipping.."

"Fuck," Lexa huffs, swallowing the lump in her throat.

"We could do that, too," Harper laughs. "Come on, my valiant knight. Make sure I get home safely and I promise you a handsome reward."

"O-okay," she stutters out, following it up with a quick bow and cooly thrown out, "Onward, m'lady."

"You're a dork," the other girl giggles, leaning forward to kiss her collarbone and give it a light nip before grabbing the brunette's hand and pulling her towards the door. "Lucky for you, I dig that kinda thing."

<\---<< | >>\--->

This is not the first time Clarke's found herself here. Laid out on a pallet of blankets in the back of Bellamy's truck, with him on top of her, kissing her neck and chest as he grinds his body against hers. They've done this countless times, both here and in her bedroom when he's snuck in the window before, and it feels good - it really does - but she always panics before they can go any further. It's starts out with her body feeling like it's going to overheat. His skin is so hot against hers and she starts to feel her stomach roll. Usually about the time his hands find their way up her shirt and over her bra, she starts gasping for air. And this is where things go south. Literally.

She'll feel him pressing against her, just like he is now, and while physically it feels absolutely delicious - providing just the right amount of pressure on her center - mentally it's really jarring. She cares about him and she knows he's been patient with her, never pushing or getting angry when she can't (or won't) go 'all the way', but as much as she wants to just close her eyes, grit her teeth and bare it.....she can't. And tonight, she's afraid, will be no different.

She fights it off as long as she can, trying to enjoy the way his hardness rubs her clit while his thumbs brush over her nipple through the fabric of her bra. She closes her eyes and runs her fingers up the ridges of his back, scratching lightly when his teeth scrape her neck. She can still hear the sounds of the party. Bel wasn't in any shape to drive but at least he could get them to a private area behind a few houses close by. She's almost too caught up in the light thudding of the bass in the background to even notice his fingers skating down her stomach and working open the button of her jean shorts. _It's now or never_ , Clarke tells herself. _Just let it happen. It's not that big of a deal..._

<\---<< | >>\--->

By the time they make it to Harper's house, Lexa has come to one conclusion: She _might_ just lose it tonight.

Over the past 2 months she's been putting the laptop Marcus gave her to good use (with the aid of some earbuds) and she's got a much better grasp (for lack of a better word....or not) on the subject of sex, now. It's not that she suddenly felt pressured to do it. I mean, there were girls that spoke to her at school - flirting, if you will - but only recently had they become so....forward. What actually changed Lexa's view on sex was the first night Clarke slept over after her return.

It had been 2 weeks since Lexa had been back and Indra thought it might be nice to have Octavia and Clarke stay over the weekend before school started back. They'd watched movies and ate popcorn, told stories about summer misadventures, and sometime around 3 am, Raven started into an epic storytime about the first time she received oral sex. Everybody was laughing at the dramatic re-telling (despite the remarkably detailed scene she was portraying) and Raven was mid-gigglefit when Clarke announced that she had to go to the restroom or she was going to pee her pants. About 3-5 minutes later, the same urge hit both Lexa and Octavia - the latter having run to Indra and Thalia's restroom while Lexa approached the bathroom Clarke was still in.

Lexa wasn't meaning to but she realized far too late what she was interrupting. She knocked on the door and asked if Clarke was almost finished and nearly lost control of her bladder when she heard the husky tone Clarke used to tell her ' _Just a second!_ ' What may have been 3 seconds (or 3 minutes, she wasn't sure) later, Clarke appeared at the door with her cheeks red and her nipples showing through her shirt and suddenly Lexa felt like the urge to urinate wasn't the only one she was having. After everyone settled back into their spots and the girls decided they'd better try to sleep, Clarke rolled over to tell Lexa 'goodnight'. Facing the opposite way, Lexa felt the blonde get closer behind her and the very minute Clarke's chest pressed against her back and shoulder as she leaned over to kiss her cheek, the brunette felt that familiar pulsing between her legs. 

And she would have felt horrible about it, honestly, if it didn't feel so damn good.

Right now though, she feels more than a little nervous and maybe somewhat disappointed that it's Harper and not the blonde she's been thinking of as of late. She's not looking at this as a consolation prize - that's just rude and no one deserves to be devalued like that. Harper is more than attractive and Lexa considers herself lucky that any girl has spoken to her especially since she isn't really that popular (not to her knowledge, anyway). But somewhere in more than a few of her fantasies she'd pictured her first time being with Clarke. It was stupid, she knew, because Clarke probably wasn't even into girls and definitely wasn't available for Lexa to even think she stood a chance but......dreams are just dreams, right? What did she stand to lose over them? Aside from a few pairs of boxer briefs and 2 of Indra's good hand-towels from the bathroom.

"Take off your clothes, Tiger," she hears Harper say once they're outside in her backyard, standing on the patio in front of a pool that's likely the same size as Indra's house.

It takes her body a minute to catch up after the words filter through her mind, but she slowly reaches to take her shirt off as she watches the dirty blonde haired girl do the same. She stands there in her sports bra and jeans, trying to decide on whether she's actually going to be able to do this without feeling like she's either going to puke or cum at just the thought of what's about to happen, and then she notices Harper sliding off her shorts and jumping into the pool in nothing but her underwear. _I've got a girl in just her underwear_ , Lexa thinks. _Do not fuck this up! DO. NOT. FUCK. THIS. UP!_

Within 6 seconds she's flying halfway through the air, preparing to splash into the water that's probably colder than it looks, and she almost feels untouchable in that moment. Her head barely makes it out of the water before she's aware of Harper's body in front of hers and the girl's hands coming around her back to pull her closer. Their lips meet and Lexa's not sure if she's doing this part right but Harper doesn't seem to complain so she decides to press on. She's got the girl pressed against the side of the pool, getting lost in the half-moans, half-whimpers when she hears them take on a more questioning tone and then there's a muffled ' _What the -?_ '. The next thing she knows Harper's body is not as close anymore. The girl's hands are braced on her chest, pushing her back and away from her. Her eyes are wide, staring at Lexa's green ones, and the words leaving her lips sound too much like ' _'That's so freaky!_ ' 

Lexa doesn't even stay to hear the rest.

<\---<< | >>\--->

Bellamy's fingers are dipping past the waist band of her shorts, over the lacey panties soaked with her wetness, and Clarke is keenly aware of a splashing sound nearby. _Is this really how I want it to be?_ she thinks. _In the back of this truck, the harsh surface of the truck bed digging into my back from beneath the covers, within earshot of a bunch of houses that our probably filled our neighbors who have GOT to be getting annoyed by the loud music by now. Whats to stop them from coming out here? Is that how I want to remember this?_ His fingers barely press into her bundle of nerves when she hears someone yelling.

' _Stop! Lexa wait! Lexa, I'm sorry!_ '

 ** _Lexa?_** The brunette's name immediately makes her body jerk and she's pushing Bellamy off of her, sitting up to look around. _Is this a fucking sign??? Where is that coming from?_ she searches frantically. _Did I even hear that right?? God, what is wrong with me?? Am I hearing things now, too?_

' _Lexa, please!! ' she hears it again. 'I didn't mean it like that!! Just let me explain!_ '

That's Harper's voice, Clarke would know it anywhere after having to hear her rehearse lines for 8 months when they worked on a school play together. _Lexa was at Harper's house_. The thought makes her cringe but not nearly as much as her entire body tenses when she sees a figure running through the grass behind the line of houses and only about 50 yards from the truck she's currently sitting in. She tries to focus but it's too dark out and she can't make out who it is until whoever it is falls to their knees and Clarke can't find it in herself to sit still any longer. She rushes to the side of the truck bed, slinging one leg over and then the other as she drops down to let her feet hit the ground. She turns to see if she can spot the figure again before taking off in the direction she thought she saw it last.

"Clarke! Where the fuck are you going?! Are you crazy??! There are snakes-Jesus Christ, if you get yourself killed I'm gonna have to explain this to your mom and dad...FUCK! Clarke!!"

She can hear Bellamy hollering for her but all her mind can process is the very real possibility that the figure in the grass might be Lexa. And that she might be upset or hurt or......or.....

"Lexa????" she calls out, running as fast as she can without losing her balance. "Lexa!!" 

She's not sure she's going to get an answer, not even sure that what she saw was real and not just her subconscious trying to create a diversion, but then there's movement in front of her and she stops dead in her tracks, eyes locked on the very person she was searching for. Lexa is crouched down, elbows on her knees, green eyes shining back at Clarke. She's wearing a heather gray sports bra and jeans, but she's soaking wet with her shirt and her shoes in her hands. Her chest is heaving in an attempt to take in as much air as humanly possible and Clarke can tell she's shaken up.

"Lex...." the blonde tries, taking a step closer. "What's wrong?"

Her breath hitches when Lexa stands up, arms down at her sides, revealing her bare midsection - perfectly sculpted, dripping from either pool water or sweat or honey-nectar of the Gods. The brunette seems to be gathering her thoughts to speak before Harper interrupts, bounding towards them through the high grass.

"Jesus Christ Lexa," Harper rasps, "Will you just......come back to my house.....and we can talk-"

"Clarke!!" Bellamy practically growls when he finally makes his way up from behind them. "What the hell were you-LANDRY?????! 'the fuck are you doing out-Harper??? Hold on hold on hold on, what the fuck is going on here??"

"Lexa and I were swimming," Harper rushes for her explanation, "She took off and I came out here after her."

Clarke gives Lexa a look that says she doesn't believe the other girl's story, but Lexa's gaze immediately falls to the grass between her toes. Her shoulders slump and she won't make eye-contact, and Clarke starts to get the feeling that she's embarrassed by something that happened while they were swimming. _Were they....?? Did they....??_

"Damn Lexa," Bellamy chuckles, "You must be the only Landry that doesn't try to stick it to the closest available-"

"BELLAMY!" Clarke slaps him. "Shut the fuck up, alright??! You're not funny."

"Whatever," he bites back. "It's true and she knows it. Fucking marsh-rats will hump anything that moves-"

"Like your fucking sister???" Harper shoots back at him, hand on her hip all 'OK-Corral' style like she's just waiting for his next move.

"Don't talk about my sister!!" the boy seethes. "She was a good kid until this bitch's cousin brain-washed her!"

Clarke tunes out the rest of their arguing because all she can see is Lexa's uneasiness, her shifting her weight from one foot to the other. Clarke watches as she lifts her head to look around - likely trying to find a way out of this mess - but the sound of the brunette's phone is what shuts everyone up. Lexa answers with a quick, ' _Raven._.', appears to answer a series of questions involving her whereabouts, and then hangs up with a quiet, ' _Yeah, I got it. 2 minutes_.' Clarke waits for her to speak, trying to let the girl calm down, however Harper isn't as polite.

"You're really leaving??" she asks.

"Raven is waiting for me. She called Thalia to pick us up..."

"Don't go. Stay at mine," Harper tries, reaching for Lexa's hand and ignoring Clarke's mouth hanging open. "We can just talk. We don't have to-"

"I should get home," Lexa cuts her off. "I'll see you guys on Monday."

Clarke feels Bellamy's arms wrap around her as Lexa disappears into the darkness in the direction of the Blake house.

"Want me to carry you back to the truck?" her boyfriend asks, his body feeling like it's melting into hers from behind.

"Actually," she says, tugging her lip between her teeth, "I'm gonna catch up with Lexa. Make sure she's alright."

"What??" he says as she pulls away. "You're seriously gonna go with them?? Clarke....."

"I'll call you later, okay??" she yells back to him as she picks up speed.

She makes it just in time to see Lexa getting into the back of Thalia's car, her shirt on now and her face still sullen. The brunette's about to close the door when Clarke's hand stops her and their eyes meet. They don't say anything - it's not really necessary. Clarke can see the silent plea painted in the way Lexa's green eyes blink tiredly and the corners of her mouth turn up slightly. She may not want to talk about it tonight, but she's grateful that Clarke wants to be there to listen -- when she's ready. She scoots over for the blonde to get in beside her, humming gently when the door is closed and Clarke's head finds purchase on shoulder. 

Clarke is surprised when Lexa's hand brushes against hers, flipping it over and spreading her fingers, the girl threading them with her own. She should be worried that Thalia or Raven or both might turn around and see. She should be concerned about what Bellamy might think if he could see them. But all she can think about right now - when the brunette is being more carefree then she's ever seen her since she's been back - is how comfortable it feels for Lexa to hold her hand like this, how the girl's steady breathing is lulling her to sleep, and probably most importantly, that she doesn't really care about anything that exists outside this moment.

In the split second she feels Lexa's hand squeeze hers, she decides that tonight - if only for tonight - she'll give in to this beautiful distraction.

  



	4. A Little Bit More

Clarke is jolted out of her sleep sometime around 6 am to the feeling of something digging into her ribs accompanied by the sound of sniffling. She has a vague recollection of the night before - being in the truck with Bellamy and then taking off with Lexa - but she's not sure exactly where she's at now. And who or what is disturbing her sleep. She's about to grumble a few choice words when she hears a soft voice and a pitiful cry.

"Lessa.."

It's Lyrr, and it seems he's making an attempt to crawl over her to get to the lump - whom she can only assume is Lexa - laying next to her. He stumbles, wiping at his eyes and whimpering with every failed attempt, and finally Clarke rolls herself over enough to grab hold of him and flip him over with her the rest of the way. With this movement, he's now laying between the two of them, and Lexa's long arm wraps around him almost immediately even though her eyes never open. It must be instinct, Clarke thinks. She knows the two of them share a bed. As many times as she has stayed over since Lexa has been back, she's seen him cry when Indra or Thalia tried to carry him to their room so the girl's could have a late movie night in the living room. She's watched Lexa sit and try to get comfortable, shifting anxiously, and eventually getting up to storm into Indra's bedroom only to return carrying him to her room. Clarke has walked to Lexa's doorway and observed through the beaded curtain as Lexa with lay on her back with him on her chest, her fingers scratching lightly at his back to get him to fall asleep. She knows it's a habit - one that Indra and Thalia are trying to break because they know that Lexa isn't going to always be around. But the brunette is always so gentle and sweet with the toddler. She never raises her voice or seems to get frustrated with him. If he wakes up and gets sick, Lexa never complains about having to clean both him and his mess up. Clarke has watched her get up with him before Indra and Thalia ever even open their eyes and she has watched her stay up with him, on nights when he is restless and can't sleep, past the time that everyone else is already in bed. 

Maybe it's moments like that which make her that much more fond of Lexa. The way she seems so happy to care for him, so content to just be able to watch him play or listen to him babble on about things that no one really understands. Clarke watches the way that Lexa loves him and she knows that anyone who is lucky enough to be loved by Lexa must be one of the luckiest people in the world. Because Lexa doesn't love lightly. Clarke can see it in the way that Lexa lights up when she's around Lyrr. Lexa loves like fire - burning and consuming everything and ruining you for anyone else whose love will never feel as strong.

It occurs to her as she feels Lexa's hand grasp her hip, pulling her closer as her thumb rubs the skin peaking out from under Clarke's shirt. She's not in the living room with Raven. She's not sure how she ended up here, but she's in Lexa's bed. It's a very precarious situation she's found herself in, because if Indra and Thalia were to wake up now and find her here....both she and Lexa could be in trouble. 

She remembers leaving with Raven, piling into the backseat with Lexa and holding her hand. She recalls waking up briefly during the drive with her head in Lexa's lap and the girl's fingers running absentmindedly through her hair as she staired out the window. The sound of Raven and her mother singing along to the radio comes to mind and then........all she remembers is rolling off of Raven's mattress sometime around 1:30 AM when she couldn't sleep and sneaking into Lexa's room. There are flashes of hooded green eyes looking at her from above and wild brown curls cascading down and being moved away as their lips meet - hers and Lexa's - and suddenly all Clarke can think is, _Oh god, what have I done?_

She kissed Lexa. Just hours after leaving Bellamy with what she's sure had to be a raging 'semi', she'd somehow ended up in bed with Lexa. Her best friend, Lexa. The girl she couldn't seem to remove from her mind - no matter what else she tried to put in the girl's place. She'd kissed her. And that was just the parts she could remember. She knew she wasn't totally trashed, but she'd had enough to drink that there was a possibility she might have done something more. She hopes not, considering she had just stopped her boyfriend mid-panty-dive and she still wasn't sure what had happened between Lexa and Harper. _Did they have sex?? Maybe it was Lexa's first time and that's why she was embarrassed. What is she going to think about me, then?? I just cheated on my boyfriend with her. Right after finding out she hooked up with someone else. God she's going to think I'm such a slut, now._

The sun isn't shining through the window yet, but she knows she needs to get back to the living room before Indra and Thalia wake up. She moves Lexa's hand from her hip, rolling back over to the edge of the bed. She doesn't even chance a look back at the brunette as extricates herself from the covers and lets her feet carry her back to Raven's mattress on the floor. She's barely pulling the covers back when Raven rolls over and looks at her with one eye open and a scowl present on her face.

"You might _seriously_ wanna reconsider the next time you decide to pull a stunt like that," her friend whispers with a hint of annoyance.

"I...." she tries to deny it, but the look on the Latina's face tells her she has a very clear image of what happened. More so than Clarke herself, probably. "Raven, I honestly don't know what happened.."

"Would you like a re-cap?" the girl says sarcastically. "Well, what had happened was....I woke up to pee and heard some _pretty_ _intense_ shit going on. When I didn't see you here, I went to Lexa's room.."

"Were we.....?" Clarke is cautious with her question. She doesn't want to assume but she always doesn't want to leave room for misunderstanding. "I mean.....could you see?"

"All I saw was the covers moving," Raven tells her, rubbing her eyes with one hand. "I walked in and saw Lexa practically on top of you and the sheet got pulled over both of your heads - by you I'm assuming because her arms were the only thing holding her up -but...yeah. I saw your heads disappear and I heard you say ' _Look at me, Lex.._ ' and that's when I walked back out."

"Oh my God," she gasps, covering her mouth with one hand. "Rae, I swear I don't think we did anything more than just kiss..."

"Hey, not my partner, not my problem, Griffin. All I'm saying is.....you're lucky it was me that heard that shit and not my mom or Indra. Or Octavia for fuck sakes. What are you gonna tell Bel??"

"I don't know. I can't believe I did that," Clarke groans, shaking her head. "What the fuck is wrong with me, Raven??"

"Like I said....no judgement here, just trying to caution you a bit considering the circumstances. You guys are like best friends, Clarke. That shit gets messy.."

"I know..."

"So what.....you like her or something?" Raven asks.

"Rae...."

"I've seen the way you look at her, Clarke....."

"Rae, I love Bellamy.."

"And I love Finn," Raven responds, sitting up to make eye contact. "But that doesn't mean that we're meant to be together. We both know that. We're having fun right now - enjoying whatever time we have left in high school, making memories and shit. That's just our deal, ya know? He's a riot and he's good in the sack and I feel really free with him. I will always remember the good times that we've had together. But we also know that when it's over.....it's over. I don't look at Finn the way you look at Lexa. You don't look at Bel the way you look at Lexa..."

"But Raven..."

"Don't be _that_ person, Clarke," the other girl continues. "I know you don't wanna hurt him and maybe you think that what you have with him is a sure thing. And Lexa.....well.....Lexa's kinda unreadable sometimes but.....it's not fair to either of them to drag them along. Or to you, for that matter. Decide who you want to pursue and then do it. If you try to maintain both, if will only end up worse and you may end up losing both of them in the end..."

"I know," she agrees, crawling under the covers and rolling over to hide her face along with the tears she feels coming. "I just.......he's been my friend for so long, Rae. I don't want to lose him.."

"I get it. You care about him. He's been there, always. But face it, Clarke -- you haven't. Not since Lexa got back. You haven't been in that relationship since the day you find out she was in town, as painful as that may be to admit. You've been holding it back but.....I see how you stare at her. I've heard the way you two talk to each other and your bodies just seem to........fucking gravitate towards each other. You're like magnets when you get together. Start out an entire room apart and somehow end up attached at the hip - or lips, as it were. You like her. Like.... _LIKE_ her. You've just been too chicken-shit to act on it."

"Because I was afraid of ruining everything, Raven," the blonde tries to explain. "And because I'm with Bellamy.."

"Well guess what? Too late! Last night, you acted. And now you gotta make a decision and I think you and I both know what that decision needs to be. It's going to hurt at first - he's going to feel betrayed, hurt, and probably pretty fucking angry. And he's going to say some shit you're not going to want to hear, too. But eventually, he'll realize that the signs were there all along and it just took one of you finally saying something."

"They're both my friends, Rae..." Clarke sniffles. "Bellamy has been one of my best friends........the whole time while Lex was gone..."

"Yeah, you two are great as friends, Clarke. You've always had each other's backs. But sometimes you should just stay friends and leave it at that.."

"What if that's what I should be doing with Lexa?? Just......staying friends?? God, Raven, she's never even made a move before........what if she was just drunk and...."

"You really wanna know what I think about Lexa??" her friend says. "I think Lexa is complicated. I think Lexa has been through some fucked up shit that you and I can't even begin to comprehend. She won't tell me - my mom and Indra keep shit on lock - but....I can read people, Clarke.....and home-girl is all kinds of kaleidoscope crazy. In a really tragically beautiful way.."

"And that's exactly why I don't want to complicate things for her, Raven. I want to be her friend. It's simpler that way, I think...."

"I think the only thing stopping you from pursuing something with Lex is the fear of what people might think. Tell me I'm wrong, and I'll drop it. But I swear to God, I feel like you look at her and you want so much to just tell the world to kiss your ass.......but then somehow you always end up just swallowing shit again.."

"You cannot be serious right now," Clarke argues, rolling over to face her friend. "You're really gonna lecture me with that 'townee'..........fucking.....'wetland woller' bullshit. God, Raven.."

"Whatever. You know that what I'm saying is true, Griffin, so shut it." the Latina hisses. "Bellamy and all the others like him - they all think it's cool to make friends with marsh-rats like me and Lex. They'll drink with us, party with us......come to our cook-outs and shit. But being involved with us like....that......it's like crossing a line, somehow. You know that. And you know they're gonna say shit to you about it......just like they did with O."

"I had O's back - I still fucking do!" she defends.

"Yeah but it's different isn't it?? It's one thing for your friend to do it and for you to tell her how brave she is but....it's entirely different if its YOU being the one called a 'swamp slut' huh??"

"STOP IT RAVEN!!" Clarke yells, feeling fresh hot tears streaming. She wipes her eyes with her shirt, hoping that she didn't manage to wake anyone up with her outburst. "You're right....I am scared, but not because of that. I'm afraid he's going to take it out on her. You know the things they did to Lincoln....."

"I know," Raven says, laying down besides the blonde and pulling her into a hug. "And you're right. They're not going to be quiet about it. But don't you think you should let Lexa have a say? If she says she doesn't wanna deal with it....then.....you know, whatever. Fuck it. But if she thinks you're worth the bullshit...........isn't that what matters?"

"I don't think I could handle it if she didn't, though...." she finally admits. "I'm ready Raven. Last night....it hit me like a slap in the face. I've been in limbo with Bellamy for what feels like the entire time we've been together. I've tried to move forward, because I do love him and I did want to make him happy. I just always got stuck. Stuck in this head-space of not knowing if I really wanted to take the next step or if I wanted to jump shit and run. I never knew what to do, Raven. No matter what decision I made, I was never ready to act on anything. But....I'm ready for everything with Lexa. And I just don't know how I'd take it if she didn't feel the same about me.."

<\---<< | >>\--->

"I'm ready for everything with Lexa. And I just don't know how I'd take it if she didn't feel the same about me.."

Lexa hears the raspy, tear-filled confession as she lays in her bed watching her baby brother sleep. This is not something she was prepared for. This is a complication she had only ever dreamed of being a possibility. Clarke had feelings for her. Real, passionate, 'I want things with you' kinda feelings. And Lexa had the same kind.

She remembers kissing Clarke in the wee hours of the morning. She remembers waking up to the blonde shuffling to get into the bed beside her - her blue eyes fixed on Lexa's like she was afraid the brunette was going to turn her down. She remembers being beyond thankful for the body pillow she slept with being between her and Clarke's body because had it not been.........she would have been mortified by her own body's reaction to the girl sharing her sheets. She can still hear the echo of Clarke's words against her skin - ' _Do you like what you see or do you miss being able to use your hands?_ '

Yes, Lexa has to admit she adores being able to see Clarke. Everything about her is perfection and Lexa has dealt with many a headache and eye-strain just to be able to look at Clarke for a little while longer. She's supposed to wear her shades still. She's supposed to let her eyes rest and give herself a break after studying hard or after watching a movie or staring at a computer screen. But when Clarke's around, Lexa doesn't even question whether she should put her glasses on her not. All her thoughts are melted away as she soaks in the sunshine of Clarke - completely unfiltered. 

Oh but Lexa does wish that she had a reason to touch Clarke. She'd never say it to anyone else, but she once a fantasy that she was still blind and Clarke had grabbed her hands and put them on her body, letting them roam around of their own accord. A lesson in human anatomy, Clarke had called it. A study of the female form. _How very artistic_ , Lexa blushed at the memory. She often wished she could get away with touching parts of her friend, just for the sake of knowing how they felt. Was Clarke really as soft all over as she looked?? Lexa had desperately wanted to know, and then she finally found out that YES, Clarke's skin was the softest thing she thought she'd ever felt. And her lips were so smooth and sweet, so wet and hungry. Kissing Clarke was not like kissing Harper had been. Lexa didn't remember how long she and Harper had locked lips before her body gave away it's secret, but with Clarke.......the tingles had been instantaneous. The second their lips met, Lexa had felt all the blood rush from the rest of her body straight down and the first little moan of delight she heard from Clarke had her pulsing and jerking - straining against the pillow between them.

Clarke was scared but Lexa.........Lexa was terrified. What if Clarke couldn't accept her? What if she freaked out like Harper had? Lexa knew she was built differently. She hadn't really been aware so much as a child, but she'd been educated since then. Especially on the way the world dealt with people like her. She'd watched the videos -- she'd read the tags. It wasn't like people like her were 'unfuckable'. It was just that nobody wanted to talk about it. There'd been one girl at her old school - Tris. She'd befriended her in gym class after said girl had walked in on her changing and was awe-struck. ' _Can I take your picture for my photography class?_ ' Tris had begged her. ' _I'll leave your face out, I promise, I just.......God, your body is magnificent. I literally have chills I want to photograph you so bad..._ ' She'd agreed and actually let the girl shoot an entire series and was surprised at how comfortable it made her feel in her own skin. But somehow she'd forgotten until Harper's face reminded her that not everyone handles 'different' well. And Lexa wasn't sure how she'd feel if Clarke found out and rejected her. 

_I'll tell her when she talks to me about all this_ , Lexa decides. _When she talks to me about how she feels - if she talks to me about it - then I will tell her about it. Until then.........there's really no sense worrying over it. If she's ready, I'm ready, too. But.....if she's not..........._

Then the thought hits that maybe Clarke won't talk to her about any of it. It's not like she has to. It's not like Lexa would ever force the issue. Truthfully, Clarke could just decide to leave it be and continue being with Bellamy. It would be......upsetting, of course, but Lexa knows it's a possibility she has to confront. Monday could roll around and Clarke could decide that leaving Bellamy isn't worth it and that she's fine right where she is. Happier, even. And Lexa will be left to watch them together. All while trying to avoid anymore run-ins with Harper. Although, who is she kidding, the girl could have gone and spread her secret to everyone by now. _Stupid Lexa_ , she cringes. _How very fucking stupid?!_ By Monday, Clarke and every other student matriculating at Arkadia High could be staring at her like she's a freak. And she really only had herself to blame for that.

_That's what happens when you lose focus, Lexa. That's what happens when you show someone your weakness. NEVER SHOW WEAKNESS._

<\---<< | >>\--->

Lexa wakes for the third time that morning to the bed moving. Lyrr has already left her and now there's only Clarke sitting on the edge of her bed looking at her. Lexa reaches with one hand to grab Clarke's, their fingers intertwining for a second before the blonde squeezes and then takes her hand back into her own lap. She watches Clarke's eyes flutter closed and then open again. So this is what it looks like, she thinks. This is rejection. She's somewhat shocked that the twinge of pain she feels is not even response to that rejection, but more to the struggle that Clarke seems to be going through.

"It's okay," the brunette whispers, turning her head back towards the window and away from Clarke.

"Lexa," the other girl tries, her words catching in her throat when Raven appears in the doorway.

"Clarke, you ready to go?" the Latina asks, throwing Lexa a head bob and a "Morning, Lexacoon."

"Morning," Lexa returns with a yawn.

"I'll be out there in a minute, Rae," Clarke says softly. She waits for the girl to leave before she turns back to Lexa. "Lex.....last night...."

"You regret it," the brunette asserts, not giving her time to finish. She hates that she let herself think for even just a minute that Clarke might choose her -- that Clarke might actually be hers. 

"That's not it, Lex.....Please just..."

"Then why? Why are you so different with me, now?"

"I don't-I don't think we're on the same page....." Clarke fumbles her words. "I don't know what last night was for you but.....I'm not-whatever happened with Harper is your business but.....I just....I'm not..."

 _Ahh,_ Lexa thinks, knowing for sure that Harper must have sent out a mass text to oh, let's just say the whole world - at minimum, everyone in her contact list. _Word travels fast here if I recall correctly..._

"Just go, Clarke," she says, turning over onto her side away from the blonde.

"What?"

"Please just go," Lexa repeats, clenching her jaw to keep from letting any tears fall.

"So that's it then??" Clarke rasps, her voice cracking. "I'm not ready to give it up like Harper and you're done with me?? God, you're just like him- "

By the time Lexa understands what Clarke meant, the blonde is already off the bed and almost to her door. Lexa jumps up and catches her by the arm, spinning her around and pulling her into a hug.

"STOP IT!" Clarke fights. "GET OFF ME LEXA!!"

"Clarke, please. I didn't mean it like that. I......I thought Harper told you about me-" she argues, holding the blonde still. "I don't think that way about you Clarke. I thought you knew and that you couldn't-"

"Knew what??" Clarke yells, pushing against Lexa's chest. "You thought I knew what, Lexa?? What is it that you thought Harper told me??"

"That I have a dick!!" Lexa fires back, letting go of her. "I thought she told you-you and everybody else.......That's what happened last night, Clarke. We didn't have sex. We were kissing and she felt it and....I ran. I ran because I was embarrassed and I felt like she was calling me a freak. I knew she was going to tell people, so when you came in here acting.......different......I assumed it was because you knew now and.....that you didn't see me the same. I thought you might have......regretted last night. Like you thought I....took advantage of you - lied to you..."

Clarke stands there - staring at her with her mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. _It's nothing new,_ Lexa thinks. If for nothing else, 'Lextra' (as Tris had so graciously dubbed her penis) was definitely good for shock value. 

"Wait.........You what??" 

  



	5. This is Trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Some mentions of Bellarke as well as some pretty skeevy sexual moments where Bel's an ass. Brief mention of or inference to rape, also.

Clarke is starting to get the feeling that Lexa is avoiding her. She texts and calls but Lexa gives one word replies and never picks up, texting shortly after to say she's busy with Lyrr. She knows the brunette takes on a lot of responsibility with the toddler but she also knows that Indra and Thalia are more than happy to help and that Lexa was never too busy to text her back before. Clarke knows a lame excuse when she hears one.

Granted, Clarke hadn't handled the conversation about Lexa's 'private parts' very well. Her first response after Lexa had repeated herself, telling the blonde ' _I have a penis_ ', was to ask ' _Have you.....always had it?_ ' It was a ridiculous question and Clarke could have kicked herself for being so stupid. But Lexa had simply laughed and said ' _Yeah, I'm pretty sure._ ' What had made the conversation awkward was that Clarke had stood there for a full 2 minutes staring down at the front of Lexa's pants. For what reason? Who the fuck knows, but when Lexa cleared her throat Clarke got the distinct impression that the brunette was a little more than upset. And then Raven had honked the horn outside and Clarke had to rush out, giving Lexa the old ' _I gotta go but....We'll talk._ '

They haven't talked, though, and now Clarke is feeling like the distance is unbearable. She knows Lexa probably feels like things will be weird between them now, but Clarke doesn't want that. She wants things to be like they were. She wants Lexa to stop pushing her away. She just got her back for crying out loud.

To make matters worse, things with Bellamy have heated up considerably and she can't help feeling like things are moving in the opposite direction from what they should be. It started with a text that he sent her the Monday after the kissing thing with Lex. It was a dirty text, something they hadn't really being doing yet, and Clarke wasn't sure how to respond. Then came the picture, which he sent Friday morning, of his erection (in his pajama shorts, of course) with a caption that read ' _I dreamed about you last night._ ' The next text requested that she respond in kind. She snapped a picture of her bra, and even though it wasn't particularly naughty and probably not what he was looking for, she still felt the knot in her stomach growing with every second it took to send. By Saturday night, Bellamy had decided it was time to quit being subtle and start dropping major hints. On the way home from their date, he used his left hand to grip the wheel while his right hand reached into his pants and rub himself. He was talking while he did it and Clarke realized he was trying to get her to talk back. Or participate. He pulled his hand out and undid the button and zipper of his jeans and reached into his boxers to pull out his dick. 

It shouldn't have been a shock. It's not like Clarke hadn't felt it before, it just always seemed more impressive tucked suggestively in the front of his pants. The way he'd rub it against her while they made out, the blonde would have imagined it being huge. Even in the picture, the angle made it look like a monster. And it's not that it was small, _really_ \- maybe about the size of a 12 oz Redbull can, Clarke would guess because they looked about the same in his hand. He gripped and stroked as he drove, making side glances at her from time to time. And then he decided to be more forward, asking her, ' _You wanna help me out? It'd feel better if you did it..._ '

The events that followed were not some of her finer moments. She leaned over and pumped his dick a few times with her hand, until she felt his hand pushing her head down towards his crotch and she got the idea of where he was going. Feel the pressure to perform, she opened her mouth and gave a tentative lick on his tip and then wrapped her lips around it. She wasn't sure what to do. She'd watched porn but the girl's always looked so thrilled and right now, she was feeling anything but. He must have been able to sense her hesitation because he placed his hand on the back of her head and gave a gentle push to tell her to go further, take more of it into her mouth. She repeated the action all of 6 times, as rapidly as she could until he groaned and forced her head down - holding it in place - as she felt him shoot his load onto the back of her throat. She tried to breath through her nose, gagging with each and every jet of cum she felt spurt out of him. And when he let go, she jerked her head upwards and proceeded to throw up into the floorboard of the passenger side. He didn't yell or get upset about it, but he also didn't apologize or rub her back or help hold back her hair. Instead, she heard him zipping his jeans back up before calmly asking ' _You alright? Was it too much for you?_ ' 

For 3 days after that, she was the one who didn't even attempt to text or call Lexa. On the one hand, she wanted someone to talk to. But on the other hand, for some reason she felt like Lexa was the last person she could talk to about this. Lexa still avoided her at school, ducking into classrooms and single stall bathrooms that only people with special allowances could use. She guessed Lexa's anatomy gave her that privilege. She couldn't exactly walk into a boys' bathroom could she? And God forbid she get caught peeing standing up in the girls'. Some ignorant bitch would probably run and tell her parents and then Lexa's secret would be out to the entire school. She was already surprised that Harper hadn't opened her mouth about it. 

Friday night comes and Bellamy is on her to come drink with him. What Clarke really wants to do is stay home, pig out, and watch movies. Correction: What Clare really wants to do is stay in bed with Lexa, pig out, cuddle, and watch movies. What Clarke really wants to do is anything Lexa wants to do. What Clarke REALLY wants to do is just fucking be with Lexa. But she goes with Bellamy anyway.

Not surprisingly, Raven, O, and Lincoln are there, with Lexa in tow. Clarke doesn't see her at first, searching the room with lightening speed looking for the green-eyed devil (or angel, depending on the dream Clarke was having at the time). Just then, Lexa rounds the corner with a drink in her hand and.....she's got a fan, too. And Clarke watches as Costia buzzes around the brunette, hands touching her and eyes flickering to her lips continuously. Lexa isn't paying her any attention, however, because her eyes are now, solely, on Clarke. And the blonde can practically feel the heat coming from her. Lexa's green eyes stare her down, barely blinking, as Bellamy's arm wraps around her back, sneaking down to grab her ass, something that makes the brunette's eyes narrow just a tick and her jaw clench. Lexa looks like she's ready to rip his throat out and the closer he presses himself into Clarke, the more restless the girl appears. Clarke decides now may be as good a time as any to try and talk to her -- especially if its only to calm her down, ya know? _Can't have her starting fights_. She turns to Bellamy, telling him she'll be back, before crossing the room and grasping Lexa's forearm as Costia watches with her lips pursed in annoyance.

"Come with me," Clarke says, and Lexa's eyes lock with hers, pupils dilated.

They walk quickly through the house, trying to find an empty room but the only thing they can find is a bathroom. Convenient because Clarke has to pee, though she's not keen on having Lexa in there while she does it. _Cross that bridge later_ , she mentally checks herself. They walk inside and the blonde locks the door behind them, turning around just in time to have Lexa slam her against it. There's no time for talk with Lexa's lips smashed against hers and their tongues doing things that resemble an Argentine tango. She feels her hands being lifted above her head, wrists crossed and held in place as Lexa's body presses against hers and for the first time Clarke can feel her. She can feel the bulge, soft and warm on her thigh as the girl's leg slips between hers.

"Lexa," she gasps, breaking apart from the brunette's mouth. "I can feel you.."

Lexa freezes, her chest heaving, as she releases the blonde's wrists and steps back and away from her, panting. "I'm so sorry, Clarke.."

"No, no," Clarke shakes her head, bringing her hand up to cup her friend's cheek. "It's okay. I'm okay. You just surprised me is all.."

"I shouldn't have done that."

"Hey, look at me," the blonde pleads with her. "I liked it. I probably shouldn't say that, I know. Fuck I-I should feel bad but...I don't.."

"It doesn't make you feel....uncomfortable?" Lexa asks.

"No, Lex," Clarke says, giving her a gentle kiss. "It's you. I'm never uncomfortable with you." 

Lexa doesn't say anything, but as her eyes drop to the floor Clarke knows that's the reason for her distance.

"Is that why you've been avoiding me? Because you think it bothers me?"

A knock at the door interrupts them, and Costia's voice can be heard in the hall.

"Lexa? You in there?"

Clarke can't help but frown imagining Lexa in here by herself, with Costia waiting outside - waiting for the door to open so she can invite herself in. It shouldn't bother her. Lexa isn't hers. And that's mostly her fault because she hasn't done what she's been meaning to do since the night they kissed. She's still with Bellamy and that leaves her without a leg to stand on when it comes to fighting for Lexa's attention. But the brunette stays quiet and Clarke watches her head turn away from the door, their eyes meeting. Lexa's hands come up on either side of Clarke's neck and jaw, holding her head still as the girl leans in for a passionate kiss. It's slow at first, lips teasing and then her tongue barely poking out to ask for entrance. Clarke lets her lips part and Lexa readjusts her position, giving her a better angle to with which to use that tongue, her hands sliding down the front and then the sides of Clarke's body. 

"Clarke..," she exhales, her lips dipping to the blondes neck, finding her pulse point. 

"Lexa," Clarke answers her, fingers tangling in the girl's hair.

Another knock. This time it's Bellamy, obviously concerned about his girlfriend's whereabouts.

"Clarke??? Hey, Princess, are you in there??"

She'd answer, if she could. Honestly. But Lexa's mouth is back to exploring hers, her fingernails raking up from her knees to her waist, her palms slipping around and down her backside, squeezing her ass cheeks. The action has Clarke's head spinning, her own hands reaching to pull Lexa's shirt up, asking permission to remove it. Lexa grants it, lifting her arms to let Clarke yank the garment off and then bringing her hands to the hem of Clarke's tank. The brunette's thumbs make tiny circles on the bare skin of Clarke's hips, just above the edge of her jeans. Clarke nods, hands trembling slightly as Lexa pulls her tank top up and over her head. She feels naked - way more naked than she actually is, but with Lexa's eyes taking in the milky white expanses of her chest and abdomen, she feels.....vulnerable. In a way she's never felt with Bellamy. Her blue eyes study every cut of Lexa's abs and the dip of her V, the way the muscles of her abdomen tighten up each time she exhales and the thinnest layer of sweat from the heat of all the bodies mingling tonight. She's exquisite and Clarke feels suddenly like she pales in comparison. 

Lexa moves forward and it startles her, making her step back just a hair before she corrects herself and holds still. The comfort she feels the minute that Lexa's body is on hers again - their skin touching and Lexa's nose and mouth ghosting over her chest - it's overwhelming. The tip of the brunette's nose skips from one side to the other, barely touching her as the girl seems to be smelling every inch of pale porcelain skin she passes over. It's animalistic and reminds her very much of the way Lexa used to smell her hair as they drifted off to sleep when they were kids. There's a little growl that forms in the back of Lexa's throat and it makes everything in Clarke's body stiffen.

"Clarke......???? Lexa......??" Raven's voice snaps them both out of their haze. "Look, I know you guys are in there. Bellamy's gonna flip his shit if he sees you together so one of you - I don't even care _which_ one of you - needs to step out now. You have 30 seconds to decide."

Clarke looks to Lexa, mouthing the words _'I'm sorry'_ as she puts her shirt back on. Lexa, looking a tad bit stunned, says nothing but does the same with hers.

"Red Rover, Red Rover," the Latina sings on the other side of the door, "Send a gay over. Come on, you two. 10 seconds or I'm taking this doorknob off with a nail-file and I'm breaking in. So help me Christ, I'll do it! Don't test me!"

Clarke reaches for the handle but Lexa stops her. _'I'll go first'_ she whispers into the blonde's ear. Clarke pulls her in for one last kiss before they hear the knob start to jiggle and Lexa breaks free, turning it and stepping out, shutting the door behind her. Clarke locks it, not wanting any company right now, and sits down on the closed toilet seat to think about what just happened.

 _What were you going to do?_ she berates herself. _Have sex with her here in the bathroom???! Jesus Clarke!_

What had she planned on doing?? The moment she grabbed Lexa's shirt there must have been something going on in her head, some way she saw this going. What had gotten into her?? It took 4 months before she ever left Bellamy even put his hands up her shirt and even then she was not comfortable letting him see. After 5 months of dating, he managed to convince her to go without the purple T-shirt she always wore over her bikini when she went swimming. It wasn't that she'd been raised to be a prude or anything. It was just a habit, one she'd formed when she was 9 and started her period earlier than all her friends and her boobs had started growing before everyone elses. At that age, the only thing she knew was that she wanted to hide them. Anything that made you different was embarrassing. The art of covering up her ample breasts was something she'd perfect over the years and so it felt kind of...foreign to be taking off a shirt in front of someone instead of making sure hers was covering everything. She could only imagine how Lexa must have felt growing up. _Did Lexa even know the difference?_ she thought _. Had her mother ever explained it to her? Or did she just roll with the fact that Lexa couldn't see it and so it was better to just pretend it didn't exist?_

Clarke had wondered about their interactions as children. After Lexa had told her, she'd tried to go back in her memories and find a time when she would have been aware or when it would have been obvious. She remembered how they'd taken baths together and marveled at how she'd never seen it, peaking through the bath-bubbles on the surface. They'd both gone into the girl's bathroom with her mother when they were out and about, and Lexa had always sat down to pee, just like her. Different stalls, of course. Clarke could handle herself but Abby always accompanied Lexa just to make sure she was okay. And then Clarke's thoughts strayed to wondering if Lexa still sat down to pee or if she learned to stand like boys did once she had recovered from her surgery. That led to Clarke asking herself if Lexa was happy with what she saw in the mirror or if she hated her own body. 

She wished they'd had more time to talk about it before she had to leave with Raven. She wished Lexa felt comfortable telling her before. Because now it just felt awkward. Every time it was mentioned, Lexa turned into a small, shy little bean. It was adorable in a way and sad in others. Clarke had found herself lost in thought several times debating if Lexa had ever had sex, if she touched herself like all the boys at school probably did, or if she just didn't want anything to do with that part of her body. Probably the most odd thought of all was that Clarke wanted to paint her. She hadn't picked up a brush in over half a year but every fiber of her being itched to paint and draw the girl she couldn't keep her hands or lips off of.

<\---<< | >>\--->

At some point during the evening, Lexa realizes she is completely shitfaced. She doesn't really like to drink, maybe or or two here and there but only socially and just enough to get a buzz and enjoy the good vibes. Tonight is different. Tonight she's spent way too much time watching Bellamy put his hands all over Clarke and the only thing she could do was drink until she either couldn't see straight or didn't care anymore. Whichever came first. 

Unfortunately, right now, accompanying her altered state of awareness is a tsunami of anger building up inside of her. Instead of being able to relax and have fun like every other party-goer on the premises, she's having to ball her fists up in her jean pockets and keep from punching the living shit out of Bellamy fucking Blake.

It's not that she's done anything to him - not that he knows of, anyway. What Bellamy is ranting about (with his finger in her face, mind you), is the differences between townees and marsh-rats - a subject very near and dear to his heart, apparently, and something he can't let go of. It had started out with him talking about it with Finn who had been hanging with Raven all night. Raven had whispered into Lexa's ear that she hoped Bellamy would choke on his own dick one day, which caused Lexa to laugh, therefore drawing the boy's attention to her. This prompted him to yell out something along the lines of ' _What so funny Landry?_ ' to which she responded with ' _Your dick_ '. She didn't mean it, really. She'd never seen his dick (and didn't want to, either) so she couldn't say if it was indeed laughable, but she was tired of him thinking that he owned everything and could talk to people however he wanted. And that's how he ended up in her face.

If Clarke were there, she'd put a stop to this display of machismo. If Clarke were there, Lexa wouldn't give a fuck what Bellamy was doing right now - at least she'd have someone else to focus on. But Clarke's not here and neither is Octavia. Despite Raven and Finn, who she's pretty sure would have her back, Lexa feels outnumbered by Bellamy and his 'better than thou' friends. She knows if she throws the first punch, she's fucked, so she keeps her hands tucked into her pockets and prays that someone intervenes. On Bellamy's behalf.

Because what he doesn't know is that Lexa trained with Marcus 4 afternoons a week learning self defense. What Bellamy doesn't know is that she could take him down in less than 10 seconds with her eyes closed. She's really just waiting for a fucking reason because she's BEEN tired of his shit. Still, her fears are confirmed with him getting a little too close and his friends taking too many steps forward. In an instant, Lexa feels large hands on either side of her, grabbing her biceps and holding her in place.

"If I wanted a marsh-rat, I could have you right here and right now," he tells her.

She feels the grip on her arms tighten as he leans impossibly closer. "Hell, we all could.."

"Back the fuck up, Bel," Raven hisses. "You're drunk and I know you don't mean it but you're seriously putting off some 'rapey' vibes here. Now step back."

"Nobody asked you," he growls. "How bout you just go back to that cesspool you call home? Both of you, actually.."

"Bel, man, chill-out," Finn steps up. "Let's go do shots, bro. Come on."

"I'm fine right here," Bellamy states, puffing out his chest. "Landry and I are having a meeting of the minds. Aren't we? Besides," he adds, "I wouldn't touch her. I'd let the water-wolves have her. They like the stench of swamp slime, anyway.."

"Bellamy, what the fuck is wrong with you??"

Immediately, Lexa's eyes are searching, hearing Clarke's voice breaking through the crowd of people watching this happen. She pushes past people, stumbling slightly but regaining herself as she walks up and shoves the boys holding the brunette's arms.

"Get the fuck off her, you neanderthals, Jesus fuck!" the blonde yells before turning her attention to her boyfriend. "And YOU!," she seethes, "We're so fucking done."

"What the--Clarke! Are you fucking mental?? You're seriously choosing HER over ME?!"

"No," she corrects him. "I'm choosing right over wrong, and you're wrong Bel. Everything you said to her, how you treat her and Raven and Lincoln.....you're dead wrong. And I can't just stand by and not say anything anymore."

"Oh please," he laughs, "Like I'm the only one?? I'm just the only one who says what everyone else is actually thinking."

"And they're no better than you!" Clarke yells at him. "They're just cowards and expect you to take the lead. You could be leading them to something better, but you're too fucking stupid to see anything other than the fact that you're privileged and they're not. It doesn't make you better than them, Bel. It makes your life easier than theirs. And personally, I'd take being friends with someone who's had it hard but came out of it still smiling than someone who starts fights having never known what it's like to actually have to survive one."

"Are you fucking her??" he asks, stepping closer to the pair. "God, you clam up on me every time I so much as put my hand between your legs, but you take it from this piece of trash?? Really??"

"Don't do this Bellamy," she begs him, placing her hand on Lexa's chest to try and calm her. "Please just.....shut your mouth and walk away. For once..."

"Come on, Clarke! Answer the fucking question! You are, aren't you??? She's turned you into a swamp-slut!!" Bellamy exclaims. "Well fuck, thanks for pushing me away then, I guess. I'd hate to know I was getting sloppy seconds from that-"

His words are cut short by Lexa's fist flying towards his face. She connects, expertly, hitting the sweet spot that sends him crumpling to the floor with his eyes closed. His friends move towards her like they mean to do something but they stop quickly, rethinking getting involved and possibly ending up like him. Lexa hears Clarke speaking but the words aren't sinking in - she sees the blonde's eyes sparkling, feelings the girl's hands pulling her, trying to get her to run. 

So she does.  
  


<\---<< | >>\--->

"I haven't painted since Bel and I've been together," Clarke confesses as she lays on her back, in the hammock on the small back porch at Lincoln's, with Lexa laid on top of her.

"Why not?" the brunette mumbles against Clarke's chest where her head is resting.

"I don't know," she shrugs. "I guess I just didn't feel like it. It's like......he sucked everything out of me. All my energy, all my 'happy'-"

"All your awesome," Lexa murmurs, causing the blonde to laugh.

"Yes, all my awesome.."

"I haven't played my trumpet since my mom died," Lexa admits.

"Is it because you miss her?"

"No," she says with a small shake of her head. "It's just that....she was...in some really fucked up way...my inspiration."

"Why is that fucked up? She's your mom.." Clarke offers, her fingers trailing through the other girl's hair. "I'm sure she would have loved to hear you say that."

"No she wouldn't," Lexa tells her. "Not the way I mean it."

"How do you mean it?"

"She broke my heart," the brunette says in the tiniest voice Clarke has ever heard from her. "Time and again, she let me down. All that hurt.....it came out in my music. Marcus used to say it was why I was so good at playing jazz and the blues."

"Well yeah, but, now that she's dead you should be hurting even more-"

"I should be but I'm not," she stops the blonde. "It was like.....as soon as I--As soon as she died, I felt relieved. For me and for Lyrr. I wouldn't have my heart broken by her anymore. And he'd never have to know what it felt like to see her the way I had....to remember her the way I always will..."

Clarke rubs her back, the legs tangling together in the hammock. It's the first time Lexa's really opened up about her mother since she's been back - the first glimpse that Clarke has been given into what Lexa's life was like while she wasn't here. She's heard Lexa talk about Marcus, though she never said who he was or why she was with him. For the longest time, Clarke thought Marcus was her stepdad or her mother's boyfriend. But now Clarke gets the feeling that Marcus was someone Lexa had to stay with, though she was probably thankful for it, and most likely because Liv's parenting skills hadn't changed much from what they were when she lived here.

"I wish you had better memories of her," Clarke whispers. "Everyone deserves to have beautiful memories of their parents."

"I have beautiful memories of other people," Lexa reponds. "I don't need any of her."

"She was still your mother, Lex. And as much as you might hate it......there's probably some of her in you."

"Sometimes I wish I knew who my dad was," the brunette rasps. "My mom used to tell me that he was handsome and that he was a good guy, he just......had a lot going on and he couldn't be the dad he wanted to be for me."

"Do you believe that?"

"I want to," Lexa nods. "But most days I just think he's probably some stupid kid she met at school or maybe some older dude who had a thing for young girls but didn't wanna take responsibility and risk going to jail.."

"I never thought of that," Clarke says. "It's weird that like.....my parents were 27 and 29 when they had me and.....you're mom was younger than we are now."

"Yeah I know.."

"Do you think your dad has other kids?? You may have brothers and sisters out there somewhere."

"My mom told me once that he did. I used to think that.....maybe he just didn't want me because I was blind," she admits. "Or because of......well you know..."

"I'm sure that wasn't it, Lex," Clarke comforts her. "I'm sure he wanted you, but like your mom said.....he just couldn't be a good dad. Better that he didn't disappoint you like her, I guess."

"Yeah, I guess you're right about that..."

"Let's go to bed," the blonde hums. "Lincoln said we could take Layth's old bed."

"Alright.."

"Hey Lex?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't let what Bellamy said get to you," she tells her. "Although he was right about one thing."

"Wha-?"

"I chose you over him," Clarke concedes, her arms hugging Lexa close to her.

"I didn't ask you to do that," the brunette tells her.

"No, you didn't," she concurs. "But it doesn't matter. I'd do it again. Over and over..."

"Why? I have nothing to offer you......I'm a nobody, Clarke."

"You're not a nobody. You're..... _you_. And I will always choose _you_ , Lex."

  



	6. I've Got You Under My Skin

The great thing about Lincoln's house is that his dad is hardly ever home. When Layton Landry isn't busy in his backwoods distillery, he's at the bar playing cards and drinking whiskey. The only time he comes home is just before dawn, long enough to shower and change, and then he's off to his shed in the deepest parts of the marshes. The problems you'd have getting there are not on land so much as they are in the water. Floating islands of thick grass and reeds, lily pads, and all kinds of shit that moves around in the water and changes the way you get from one side to the other. It's like a maze - you know where the finish line is but you gotta figure out how to get there and the course could change in an instant. Layton is a master at navigating his boat in and around every obstacle, finding just the right route to get to his job-site. But all that time he spends navigating, is more time spent away from his homestead, and for Lincoln, Octavia, Clarke, and Lexa.....that's perfect.

They've started making a habit of coming to Lincoln's after school. It's quiet and they can do whatever they want, which most of the time is actually just sitting around on the porch listening to Lincoln tell stories about delivering his daddy's moonshine after curfew when all the Arkadia PD officers leave for the night. If the boys stories are to be believed, Layton has some very colorful customers and Lexa is glad she doesn't have to deal with them.

On one particular evening, just before the sun went down, Clarke and Lexa were on a walk and had stumbled onto a small python making its way through the watery mush. ' _They breed out here now_ ,' Lincoln had told the brunette when she grabbed it and brought it back to his house. ' _People brought 'em out here to let 'em go cause they got too big and they didn't want 'em or couldn't handle 'em anymore. Now they breed out here and there's getting to be too many. It's rare to find a ball, though. Usually it's all Burmese.._ ' Lexa takes it home to Indra's, almost giving Thalia a heart attack in the process, but Indra allows her to keep it on the condition that it stays in her room and Indra never has to feed it. When Clarke asks her what she plans to name it, Lexa replies with a toothy grin, ' _Chicken. 'Cause he doesn't strike or anything....he just balls up when he gets scared. He's a chicken!_ '

The next Friday, Lexa finds herself in Clarke's car, parked by the pavilions in the state park that no one ever goes to because it's just a bit too close to the glades for comfort. She doesn't know how they went from talking in the front seats to Clarke laying on her back in the rear seat with Lexa hovering over her. This seems like a pattern. Every time they're alone, Lexa can't keep her hands off Clarke. Even when they're at Lincoln's, Clarke will pull her back while they're hiking through trails, shoving her against a tree and kissing her hard and fast before Lincoln and O notice they're not following anymore. Lexa doesn't know what they are or what them kissing means, but she does know that she likes kissing Clarke. A LOT. And if they're going to keep this up, she's going to have to learn some self-control.

It's not as hard (pardon the pun) when they're around other people. All they get in is a few quick tongue swipes and then they break away. But times like this - times where Clarke lays down and looks up at her, blue eyes shining and hands pulling her down to meet quivering lips, lips that are saying ' _Kiss me, Lex_ ' - those times are very difficult for her. And that is because about the time that Clarke's hips cant upwards to meet her pelvis, Lexa's control-center shuts down and her body turns stupid.

This is the second time it's happened, the first time being Monday during lunch period when Clarke had walked past her in the halls and the only thought on Lexa's brain was ' ** _MAUL HER_**!' The brunette had turned so swiftly on her heels that she almost gave herself whiplash. She'd rushed up behind the blonde, grabbing her by her waist and leading her into an empty classroom. She'd slammed the door shut with her foot and immediately picked Clarke up to set her on the unknown teacher's desk, lips pressing against the other girl's furiously. Clarke had let out this whimper - a noise that drove Lexa crazy, _rabid_ even - and the brunette had quite literally shoved her so that her back was flat on the desk as Lexa climbed on top of her, body dragging along hers as she worked her way up to Clarke's eagerly awaiting mouth.

She wasn't sure what she thought she was doing but the minute the door opened and a substitute teacher gasped having caught them like this, Lexa realized exactly what it looked like they were about to do. She'd been meaning to talk to Clarke about it, actually. She wanted to explain that she didn't understand why she kept attacking her like that but that she would try really hard not to let it happen again. So why hadn't she? Well, because Clarke didn't seem to mind these attacks.

If anything, she might have instigated them a little. 

Yes, Clarke had spent the last week giving her these.... _looks_. Fourth period, just before lunch, the English teacher's reading a rather risque excerpt from a novel Lexa can't even remember the name of because Clarke's eyes are on her and her bottom lip is tugged between her teeth. Lexa doesn't look at her. She can't make eye-contact or she'd risk losing every last shred of sanity, hopping over desks and chairs and people just to get to her. But Clarke doesn't need Lexa to look at her to know that she sees. Lexa can feel her pants getting tighter, her hand reaching down to try and situate herself so it's not as noticeable. And yet, Clarke notices, making a point to tap the end of her pen against her pretty pink lips - letting her tongue tickle the tip gently. Oh yes, Clarke Griffin is doing it on purpose - teasing her like a mouse teases a cat - and Lexa wishes she wasn't so good at it.

Not that Lexa's complaining. Really. Especially at times like this when she's pressed against Clarke's center, feeling a warmth she thinks she'd die if she ever actually entered, and listening to the blonde say things to her that short-circuit her brain. Lexa's choked-back grunts are anything but grievances and if she could just keep herself from popping a boner and staining her jeans, that would be lovely.

She manages, but only after having to hold Clarke's hands down at her sides so she could get up and move away for some fresh air. Or space. Or whatever it was she was hoping to gain from being miserable on the other side of the back seat. She wishes she knew what Clarke was feeling. Her face is a little flushed but.....other than that....she's not showing any signs of having just been locked at the lips. Lexa can't tell if Clarke's feeling the same burn or if it's only her feeling it - if this is just fun for Clarke and maybe nothing more. She told Lexa she enjoyed it -- that she wanted it, no less. But does that mean......she wants Lexa?? Or.......she just likes the excitement of making out?? _She told me she'd choose me_ , Lexa thinks. _Choose me for what, though?_

<\---<< | >>\--->

That night, Anya throws a party at her place and invites Lincoln, Lex, and Raven, which in turn, extends an invitation to Octavia, Clarke, and Finn, the only townees she really cares for. It's a different crowd of people from the parties in town. No suburban style houses - so close together your neighbors can hear you peeing. Instead, it's a large cabin in the middle of nowhere, and a smaller one - a house Anya's dad built for her last year claiming she needed a place of her own. They all mingle, making friends with a few people that they don't recognize. Anya's older sister had invited some of her friends, a few of whom are go-go dancers at the club in town. One of the girls, a gorgeous olive-skinned girl named Gavin, pays very close attention to Lexa. And Clarke can't stand it.

The way that girl smiles and bats her eyelashes at the brunette, the way she asks Lexa to dance and presses her body against hers. The way Gavin cooes and whispers into Lexa's ear and the way she calls her Lexie. ' _We make a hot couple_ ,' the blonde hears her yell over the music. ' _And our couple name would be Galexie, which is rad as fuck!_ ' Sweet Jesus, Clarke wants to rampage. _Galexie??? What kinda shit is that?!_ Still, Gavin's really pretty and Clarke can't deny that she and Lexa do look good together. _Not as good as us_ , she thinks. _But what if Lexa doesn't think that? What if she doesn't want us to be anything more than just friends who kiss ~~occasionally??~~ Okay, maybe more than occasionally. And maybe we get a little bit heated when exchanging said kisses...but....does she feel the same way I do?? _

Midway through 'Galexies' dance, Lincoln interrupts, making his rounds and circling up the gang to coax them to the vehicle. Clarke is the first to head out the door and find her seat in his truck. What she couldn't have foreseen is Lincoln agreeing to get Gavin and her friend Josilyn a ride home. And now Clarke is left with a decision to make - force Lexa to sit by her or wait and see how it plays out. She's about to open her mouth when she hears Lexa say, ' _Clarke, do you mind riding in my lap?_ ' No, no she doesn't mind that at all.

With every bump and dip of the truck tires down the unpaved roads, Clarke can feel Lexa's grip get tighter and the loosen. Instead of facing forward, Clarke decided to sit sideways in the brunette's lap - facing her opponent, Gavin, who's features might be permanently stuck with that 'stank glare' she's giving the blonde. Lexa's arm is around her back, her hand holding Clarke's hip, while her other hand is in Clarke's lap, positioned over her thigh with her fingers falling just inside and so close to an area Lexa's never had her hand before and might freak-out a bit if she knew she were there now. And Clarke is in heaven with the contact and how natural it feels for Lexa's hand to be there.

After dropping off the two dancers, Lincoln offers for the other three to stay at his place, with Clarke and Lexa sharing his brother's old bed again. The blonde turns to Lexa, a silent look being given, asking what she wants to do. She knows Lexa will probably want to get home to Lyrr. Even though he's most likely already in bed with Indra and Thalia, Lexa likes to be close by in case he gets up in the middle of the night and needs her. And yet, Lexa smiles sleepily and says, ' _Your place is fine_.'

<\---<< | >>\--->

"What the fuck are you doing in my house?"

The booming voice wakes both the girl's up, causing Lexa to throw herself between Clarke and whoever is in the doorway of her cousin's old room. Once her eyes focus, she realizes it's her Uncle. Drunk and a little disoriented, he's positioned with his hand holding the door open and his other hand holding a large hunting knife pointed towards them. It's still dark outside and Lexa would have to guess that he'd probably just come home from the bar, ready to pass out, until he'd found them. _But why had he even thought to check this room?_ she wonders.

"Uncle Layton," she starts off, "I was with Lincoln earlier....at the party. He brought us here to sleep it off-"

"You can stay but she leaves," the man orders, the tip of the knife moving in Clarke's direction. "Now. You ain't nothin' but trouble for us.."

"Mr. Landry," Clarke's voice scratches out, thick with sleep. "I don't mean you any harm."

"Uncle Layton we'll leave as soon as Lincoln wakes up and can take us, I swear," Lexa tries.

"All these fucking rick kids coming in here," he grumbles, "Acting like you own these lands, too. You don't own shit! These lands belong to my people, little girl! Your kind ain't welcome here!"

"I'm not trying to take anything from you, sir," the blonde says, hands in the air. "You know me, Mr. Landry. I'm Clarke. Dr. Abby Griffin's daughter.."

"I know who you are," Layton growls out. "And you got 'til I wake up to be out of my house, you hear? Both of you and that little Blake friend of yours. I know she's here too, Lexa, I can smell her.."

"Alright alright, we'll be out before you wake up," Lexa agrees, still holding her position between him and Clarke. "I swear.."

"Good," he says, turning to leave. He stops and looks back at the brunette, throwing out a casual, "You look good Lexie-loo. Look just like your mama..."

With that, the door closes behind him and Lexa feels the air being sucked from her lungs. She doesn't realize she's shaking until she feels Clarke's hand on her back, right at the junction of her neck and trap muscle.

"Lex," the girl calls softly, her free hand tugging at Lexa's side. "Lay back down with me."

How can she argue with that? She gives in, laying back so Clarke can cuddle into her, but she doesn't sleep. She lays awake remembering the sound of gunshots and trying to ignore the metallic taste in her mouth.

<\---<< | >>\--->

Early that afternoon, Lincoln drives them to Indra's, dropping off Clarke and Octavia so that he and Lexa can go fishing. Raven borrows her mother's car to chauffeur her friends home, stopping at the diner for their favorite milkshakes. She notices midway through them that Clarke and Octavia both are uncharacteristically quiet. They exchange glances and occasionally one will whisper to the other but then they both fall silent again. It's not like them and Raven's not having it.

"Alright, spill it," the Latina demands. "Something's up with you two and I wanna know what it is. Right now."

"It's nothing, Rae," Clarke shrugs. "Just...Lincoln's dad scared the fuck out of us this morning. Well, not O. Just me and Lex, but-"

"I'm guessing you two were in bed together again," Raven quips.

"Again???! Octavia cries out. "This has happened before and I was not aware of it?? -- the hell, Clarke??"

"Ugh, It is not even that serious," the blonde huffs.

"Oh yes, because we all make out with our best friends," Raven deadpans. "And sneak into their beds in the middle of the night."

"Jesus Christ, Rae!" Clarke yells, slapping her shoulder from the backseat.

"HEY!" Octavia turns back to her from the front passenger seat. "Don't hit her, she's driving. I don't feel like dying today, Griffin. Besides, you're the one at fault for not clue-ing me in. Bitch."

"O, how was I really supposed to tell you? I was afraid you'd be mad," she admits. "I was with Bel, and I felt bad about the whole thing and I knew you'd probably give me a lecture-"

"Yeah," her friend nods, "About breaking up with him. Look, he's my brother and I love him. But he's a fucking asshole and you're too good for him."

"And that wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that he set Lincoln's pirogue on fire that one time, would it?" Raven asks. "Cause, listen, O.....I'm all for not wanting a certain person to have something they want after they ruin something for you but.....damn..that's savage."

"Uncalled for," Octavia challenges. "This has nothing to do with my boyfriend's little boat-"

"Oh so...it's little? Really?" the Latina teases.

"Shut your mouth, Raven! You know damn well it's not little!! I told you about-"

"You told her and not me??" Clarke feigns offense. "Now who's keeping secrets."

"Not my fault you're a prude," O counters with an arched brow. "Besides, if I told you about Lincoln's, I'm afraid you would have tried to tell me about my brother's. And that's just fucking gross."

"Well now she can tell you all about Lady," Raven cackles, causing both of the other girls to stare at her confused.

"Alright, Raven," Octavia snaps and twirls her finger. "I'll bite. Explain, who's Lady?"

"Lady Landry," the girl explains, looking around at the blank faces of her friends. "Seriously?? You guys don't-oh for the love of--Lexa's dick, people. Come on. Can we please try and keep up, here?? 'Lady' is what I call her. It's short for Lady Deathstrike which I think-"

"You named her-" Clarke starts.

"Lexa's got a-" Octavia begins at the same time.

"-is funny because all the Landry's have L names," Raven keeps going, with a giggle, not even paying attention to them. "Personally, I think Lady suits her."

"Wait," the blonde grabs her shoulder. "You've seen-"

"Well, I mean yeah, I live with her so-"

"WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOING ON?!" Octavia raises her voice over them. "Since when the fuck has Lexa had a dick?"

"She grew it over the summer," Raven says sarcastically, "What do you mean, 'since when'?? She's had it since birth O.."

"I never saw it!"

"Neither did I," Clarke assures her, "But my mom confirmed it. She used to give Lex a bath with me and I still never noticed or saw. I don't know how.."

"Wait so...you both knew already?? For how long???" O gasps. "I can't believe she didn't tell me..."

"Maybe she was scared or....embarrassed," the blonde offers.

"Maybe it's not the kind of thing you share over tea and crumpets," Raven rants. 

"Well, yeah but.....I told her about my 2 and a half inch monster-clit!"

"Yes," the Latina smiles at the memory of that particular movie night, "And what a joy it was to watch her shoot Dr Pepper through her nostrils and turn about 300 different shades of pink and red, too."

"But seriously, O, what do you do with a clit that size??" Clarke rambles in the backseat. "The possibilities must be endless-"

"It feels really good when Lincoln sucks on it," O whispers, blushing slightly.

"HAHAHAHA, you suck his dick and he sucks yours!" Raven bursts out laughing, tears streaming down her face.

"Are you making fun of my body, Reyes!!??"

"No, I swear I'm not," the Latina says, catching her breath and wiping her face.

"Because we seriously do that!" Octavia asserts. "69 is a great position-"

"Oh fuck," Raven says, throwing a hand over her mouth while barely keeping the other on the wheel.

"That's some romantic shit, right there," Clarke adds.

"Isn't it, though?" her friend turns to her. "I mean...I can't help how my body looks. Everybody's coochie looks different and......Lincoln loves me just the way I am.."

"So you understand where Lexa's coming from, then?" the blonde questions.

"I totally do!"

"Good then. So you're not mad at her anymore for not telling you?" Raven asks.

"Now, I never said that.."

<\---<< | >>\--->

Lexa sits on the weathered dock - legs crossed, pole in her hand, and her line in the water. It's been a long time since she'd done this. Not fishing, really. Fishing here. Marcus had several ponds on his property, and a river, too. He took her fishing when he wanted to talk about life and it's hardships. He'd taken her fishing when he gave her 'sex talk'. It must be a guy thing, because she gets the feeling that Lincoln has brought her here for the same reason. She can see the appeal. It's peaceful and practically deserted - a great place to talk about your feelings or things that you feel like shouldn't be heard by a fly on the wall. The last time Marcus had taken her fishing, he told her about contacting Indra and how the woman had come to meet with him to discuss giving Lexa and her brother a 'permanent home'. Marcus had told her very bluntly that she was in no way obligated to go back there, but that the option was available if she wanted to. He also told her that there was always room at his estate for her, Lyrr, and for Indra and her family if they wanted to visit.

She can tell Lincoln is deep in thought by the way he's dark eyes scan over the water, passing up the bigger picture to stress each tiny little bob of a floating patch of grass or every string of bubbles from the huge snapping turtles that were known to live in these waters. She can almost hear the thoughts whirling around in his head, thoughts she's sure he's planning to unload on her. She wishes she knew what it was about. She wishes she could prepare. Conversations with most people are scary because she feels pressured to say or do the right thing. She feels like if she gives a wrong answer that person will hold it against her for eternity, and while angry Lexa cares much less about pissing people off, normal Lexa just doesn't want to stir anything up if she can help it.

"You gotta be what.....16, 17 now, right?"

It's the first thing he's said to her since they got to the dock. She's surprised how easy-going the question is having expected it to be more like ' _what was it like the whole time you were gone?_ ' or ' _what did you're mom look like when you found her?_ ' Lexa knew the story that had been passed around. Her mom had come looking for them, high and delusional - demanding that she take her kids with her. When Marcus told her he couldn't let her do that, she was distraught and she killed herself. That was the story. The records were sealed for anyone who wasn't law enforcement or her caseworker - Indra and Thalia only knew because they had to. But there was always a fear in her. A fear that sat, hitting nerves every now and again telling her ' _You didn't get him. You got her but you didn't get him._ ' She wasn't sure why but the idea that Dax had gotten away plagued her, like a nagging little ache or pain, reminding her that someone out there knew the truth. Someone who didn't give a fuck about her or her brother and would tell his story to whoever would listen. 6 degrees of separation, Lexa always thought. All it takes is the right time, the place, and the right set of ears listening.....and her Uncle would know that it was her that killed her mother. And she had a feeling that it wouldn't sit well with him.

"About to turn 17," she finally answers, reeling in her line to recast. "2 weeks.."

"Hmmm, 2 weeks," her cousin mumbles, eyes still focused on the water pensively. "This is gonna sound weird and....I know it was a long time ago, but....you remember the stories PopPop and Grams used to tell us?"

She knows the stories. She'd heard them a lot growing up - from her grandparents before they died, then from her mother, her uncle, and even Indra from time to time. The Trimani had taken to telling people stories about wolves that roamed around the mangrove campsites - wolves that oddly enough were fond of the water and would sneak up on you in the middle of the marsh. In some stories, they were spirit animals that would protect natives from gators or poisonous snakes while in other stories they were actually native Trimani that shifted into wolves, whether by choice or after being antagonized. Either way, the stories say that if you were a townee, these wolves would stalk you until you left the glades, playing tricks on you and using their calls to mimic human voices, speaking in the old Trigedasleng, to drive you insane in the night. Her Uncle had often told her that she was a descendant of those wolves. He told her stories about his great grandfather who shifted in front of him once - told her that's where the scar on his left leg came from. It was a huge, gnarled piece of flesh - just the right size to pass for a dog bite, she'd reckoned. She'd never believed any of it, but it always made for interesting stories, anyway.

"Some," she nods, waving her arm and using a flick of her wrist to send the line back out. "Why??"

"What would you say..." he turns, setting his pole down in a small hole in the wood, made specifically for holding up the old style cane poles, "..if i told you....they were real??"

"I'd say.....that you've been drinking too much of your daddy's moonshine," she replies with a shrug and a half-giggle.

"The stories are real, Lex," he tells her, his face so earnest she's not sure whether he has lost his mind and is having a heat stroke or if he's being serious.

"What are you talking about, Lincoln? That stuff was made up to keep people out of the glades and off Trimani land.."

"No, Lex, it wasn't. They're real," Lincoln repeats, "The stories were told to keep people off the land - keep 'em from finding out the truth. But the wolves are real.."

"Where's your phone?" she asks, dropping her pole to reach towards his pants pocket. "The sun is fucking with you, Linc. Your mind's not clear right now. I'm calling Ind-"

"Lexa!" he stops her. "Will you listen to me, please??! In a week, there's gonna be another full moon. But this one....it's special. It's called the Hunter's Moon. Or to our people, the Blood Moon. You need to tell Indra that you're sleeping over at my place and you need to come here that afternoon right after school so we can prepare before dark. In fact, you know what, just bring your bag to school and ride home with me after-"

"What the fuck Lincoln?? You're really starting to weird me out.."

"Just trust me, okay? Pack a bag and ride home with me that day. Pack enough clothes to last you a whole weekend.." her cousin instructs. "Tell anyone that asks that we're going camping - alone - and that we're gonna be trying to survive off the land. That'll discourage Raven and Clarke from wanting to come."

"What about O?"

"Actually," he murmurs, rubbing the back of his neck, "She already knows. About all of it..."

"What exactly is....'all of it'..??"

"The members of our family are the descendants of the Trimani. However, they are also the descendants of a special tribe of the Trimani - a separate group of people called the 'Wodapak' or......as people call them today....the water-wolves.."

"Whatever," Lexa huffs. "If you're not gonna be straight with me, then you can forget about it. I'm not going on your little camping trip just for you to try and scare the shit out of me with some fucking wolf stories from when we were kids. I may have been gone a while, but that hasn't made me soft, Lincoln. I'm not scared of this place.."

"We're wolves, Lexa," Lincoln tries to tell her. "You and me.."

"Oh yeah?? So why not everybody else, then??" she says, pushing his chest. "How come they're not wolves like us??"

"They are but....their wolves are....dormant. Like....they're sleeping inside them. They're not like us. They don't shif-"

"You're fucking crazy," Lexa laughs, walking down the dock to head back towards the truck. "I'll find my way home from here.."

"Lex, I'm serious!! You need to know this or you're gonna hurt someone!!" he yells after her. "YOU COULD END UP HURTING INDRA OR THALIA - RAVEN OR YOUR BROTHER. YOU COULD HURT CLARKE IF YOU'RE NOT CAREFUL!!"

There's a part of her that worries about what might happen if she doesn't listen to him. What if he's telling the truth and she does hurt someone? She hates the thought of that, the idea that she would hurt someone close to her and that she wouldn't be able to control it. But the rational side of her says this is a big hoax that she just needs to wave off like she waves off everything else. The rational side of her says there's no way that people turn into animals and there's no way that she - of all people - would be one of them if they did. _I mean, did I really hit the gene-pool lottery with this shit or what??_ she cracks up. _Born blind, with a penis, a crackhead for a mom (whom I shot right between the eyes), and now....I'm a fucking werewolf, too?? What are the fucking odds of that??_ It's the rational side of her that prevails and keeps her walking in the direction she believes Indra's house to be in. She makes it about a half mile before she hears the roar of Lincolns truck and turns to see him coming after her.

"Get in the fucking truck," his words are almost drowned out by the loud rumble. "Come on, Lex, I'll take you home just get in. There are moccasins everywhere out here, will you just-"

"No," she screams, shaking her head exaggeratedly. "I'm done listening to your insane ramblings about fucking......wolves or......shape-shifting people or.....whatever the fuck you were going on about. My life is pretty simple now, Lincoln. I go to school, I come home and take are of Lyrr. Repeat, repeat, repeat. I don't need......full moon, blood thirsty beast.....'chain me up' kinda drama. Sorry, but....no thanks."

"You don't have a choice, Lex!" he yells, stopping the truck and shutting the engine off. "The curse is triggered by someone's death at your hands. My mom died giving birth to me.." he pauses, "And I know you shot your mom to protect your brother."

Lexa freezes. _If Lincoln knows_ , she tells herself, _then Uncle Layton knows_. "Who told you that??"

"My dad has his ways," the boy answers. "He's not mad. He doesn't blame you. He's just worried about you now. When we realized the Blood Moon was close, he told me to talk to you.."

"Why?? Why is the Blood Moon important??"

"Blood," Lincoln states. "Blood is what wakes your wolf, gives it a taste of something it craves for the rest of it's days. But you don't actually shift until the first Blood Moon after. Full moons make you irritable but the Blood Moon.....it calls to you. To the wolf inside you. Forces you to shed your skin and run wild in the night. After the first time, you can change when you want, mostly. But the Blood Moon will always play tricks on you. It will always tempt you.."

She thinks about it, mulling over the details and swallowing down the questions she still wants to ask but is too afraid to let out. This doesn't seem real. None of seems possible in her mind. _But why would he make it up?_

"You can feel it," he says. "I know you can. It's this...buzzing inside. Almost like what you feel when a cat purrs when you pet it. That's the wolf. It can feel the Blood Moon. It knows.."

"I don't want to hurt anyone," Lexa forces the words out feeling the ache in her lungs from holding her breath so long.

"I'll help you," Lincoln reassures her. "I won't let you hurt anyone, Lex. But you gotta to trust me. Even if you don't trust my dad, you gotta trust _me_.."

"Okay," she resigns herself. "I trust you."

  



	7. Bad Moon Rising

"Lexa, you know we've been friends for a while," Clarke says. "And....we've been doing this....kissing thing for-Oh Jesus fuck, Clarke, Really?? Kissing thing?? Shit. Okay....restart.."

She stares into the mirror, resetting her features and trying to recall the point she's trying to make despite having mis-spoken. She's been at it for a good hour almost, rehearsing the way she plans to tell Lexa how she feels about her. She's not sure if the feeling is mutual but she knows she has to be honest and maybe then she'll know where she stands with her best friend.

"Lex," she tries again, "We've been friends for a long time and, recently, we've been doing things friends don't necessarily do and-Fuck, that's not right. Come on Griffin, get your shit together!"

She doesn't want the fact that they've been practically dry-humping to influence Lexa at all when it comes to how she's feeling. Clarke knew before then but....did Lexa? Did Lexa have the same kind of attraction to her before they kissed? She _had_ gone with Harper and only kissed Clarke after that crashed and burned. Maybe Clarke was just too available to pass up...

It's her hormones, she knows. She'd planned on having a heated make-out session after their discussion but had let those thoughts go because now she just felt icky. The cramps were killing her and she felt like she was caught somewhere between a scream and cry almost all afternoon. The Midol hadn't helped and Jasper had eaten her entire candy bar save for the one bite she took right after opening it, but that wasn't the point. Not now. Not when she was this close to having this all figured out. Damn Mother Nature's timing.

"We've known each other a long time, Lex," she smiles down at her hands, no longer able to watch herself deliver this confession. "You've always been someone I could be myself around...someone I trusted more than I trust anyone else. The way you defend me and encourage me, the way you look at me now.....I just feel like there's something undeniable here."

 _Undeniable?_ she pauses to think. Well yes, she can't deny that she feels a chemistry with Lexa. She'd be surprised if the girl didn't feel it, honestly. But is that the right word to use? Doesn't that create a lot of pressure -- create a sort of 'back you into a corner' kind of situation, where Lexa either has to admit she feels it or burst Clarke's bubble completely but saying she doesn't? Would Lexa lie to her, saying she felt it even if she didn't? But how could she not....??

"Lexa, I-" she stammers, taking a deep breath, "I just want to know if you feel the same way I do..."

It's now or never, she decides, giving herself one last look-over in the mirror. She's not perfect but.....all she can hope is that Lexa doesn't want perfect.

<\---<< | >>\--->

Lexa stretches out on Clarke's bed waiting for the blonde to use the bathroom. It's the first time she's been over to the Griffin's since she's been back in town but she's feels strangely comforted by the fact that not much has changed inside. Other than newer, more grown pictures of her best friend placed everywhere, it still feels very much like the home she remembers which she's grateful for. Clarke had asked her to come over after school and since Lincoln was going to be in town until curfew, she thought a little time together wouldn't hurt - especially since this weekend they wouldn't be seeing each other at all.

Clarke had seemed almost excited about hanging out earlier in the day but by the time Lexa met her after their last class, the blonde seemed anxious, snappy, and slightly paler than usual. She wasn't sure what she'd done, if anything, but she wanted to make it better. She'd managed to swipe candy bar in the gas station while Clarke wasn't looking, running to the counter to pay for it as quickly as possible while the other girl was getting her Slushie. She had put it in her bag and was waiting until they made it to the Griffin homestead to produce it and, hopefully, see a smile reappear on her best friend's face again.

She falls asleep waiting for Clarke to come out and make her way back to the room. Her dreams for the past few days had been somewhat eery - stuff you'd see in sci-fi suspense flicks. Those kinds of dreams alternated with dreams of a very naked and way too familiar blonde in her bed. But she choose not to give too much thought to the meaning of either. It's not like she was worried about turning into a hairy, half-human that went after people like a blood-thirsty beast. She also wasn't worried about her uncomfortable and maybe unhealthy obsession with her best friend. 

They didn't talk about it and Lexa wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. But kissing Clarke in private and having to maintain her distance in public was becoming very difficult. Clarke didn't necessary tell her to back off, but she also didn't let herself get put in a position for anyone to say there was anything going on. They didn't sit close to each other at lunch and Clarke always kept a foot or more of space between them when they walked together. More and more she was getting the feeling like making out was just fun for Clarke - something she did when she was drunk or when she just wanted to touch and be touched. And it hurt, sure. It hurt even worse because in Lexa's dreams, Clarke wanted her. Dreams like the one she was having when she was so rudely interrupted by Clarke entering the room.

"Did I take that long?" Clarke chuckles, standing beside the bed.

"'m just tired," Lexa mumbles, eyes fluttering open and closed.

"Lay down," Lexa instructs, patting the bed next to her.

"Lex, I wanted to talk," the blonde tells her.

"You can't do that lying down?"

"Yes, but....it's significantly more difficult," Clarke states, reminding her, "Because anytime we do that, if we're not sleeping, we're doing something else...."

"Hands to myself," the brunette promises. "Scouts honor.."

"You were a scout?"

"'kay, you caught me," Lexa laughs, "But I swear I'll behave myself.."

"I'm gonna say this and I need you to just......be quiet," Clarke admits, pink coloring rising up her chest and neck. "Okay?"

After a long pause Lexa opens her eyes fully and gasps playfully, saying, "Oh I'm sorry, am I allowed to answer??"

"Jerk!" 

<\---<< | >>\--->

They don't make it to the conversation she'd been meaning to have. It was her fault entirely because she'd slapped Lexa after that joke and that had led to the brunette pouncing on her, pinning her to her mattress. In a flash, their lips were mashed together - their hands clasped on the pillow above Clarke's head. Clarke feels her body reacting, the heat building in her lower abdomen and the uncomfortable feeling like all this excitement was causing her to leak through her panties and onto her jeans. This is exactly what Clarke didn't want to happen, though it's not like she's going to stop it now. It feels too good and she has zero self control when it comes to denying her body what it wants. And it wants this -- it wants Lexa.

She's surprised how quickly things progress. Usually Lexa is the one pulling away or pushing her back, trying to slow things down. With the exception of that day in the empty classroom, Clarke's not sure she's ever seen Lexa so aggressive. The brunette is slowly rolling her hips, her pelvis meeting Clarke's center, and for the first time since they've been making out, Lexa isn't trying to hide the fact that she's getting hard. If anything, she seems almost proud or....cocky about it right now, using long careful strokes against the heat of the blondes core, followed by short rough thrusts that leave Clarke digging her nails into the back of the brunette's neck. The friction feels so fucking good against her and she's feeling a little touch-drunk with Lexa's body on hers and her lips everywhere there's bare skin.

Clarke hears a truck pull into her driveway through the screen of the cracked window. The rumble is familiar, a sound she hadn't expected to hear outside her house again, and she's about to push Lexa off so she can make it to the front door before he even has a chance to. Catching her by surprise, Lexa gives a particularly hard thrust and bites down on Clarke's neck so hard it causes her to yelp in pain and scrape her fingernails down Lexa's arms. The brunette immediately releases her, jumping up and putting distance between them. The knock on the front door of the Griffin home startles them both, though they knew to expect it, and Clarke has to break the stare off to answer it.

"Just let me get rid of him," she says, subconsciously bringing her palm up to meet the spot on her neck that burns where the brunette's teeth were.

Lexa doesn't answer - not verbally - and only lowers her gaze to the floor before looking back up and then around the room, anywhere she can to avoid looking at Clarke.

<\---<< | >>\--->

 _Run._ It's the single loudest thought in her mind. _Just run._ As soon as Clarke is out of sight, Lexa runs to the window, sliding it open wider and popping out the screen. If she left now, would Clarke be mad at her? Probably. And she definitely didn't want to leave her there with Bellamy. But she's scared, something she didn't want Clarke to know, and for reasons she couldn't expect Clarke to understand.

Why had she bitten her? She'd given love bites before, they both had, but this bite was different. This bite was selfish, her mind not considering if Clarke would enjoy it. The only thing she cared about when she let her jaws clamp over the blondes pulse point was the voice in her head telling her 'Mine.' It could have been worse - she could have drawn blood. Still, it bothers her that she hurt Clarke, one of the people she cares about most in this world.

And so the next thought that crosses her mind is Lincoln. He's got to know what to tell her and if he doesn't, at least he can talk her down. She shimmies through the blonde's bedroom window on the side of the house, listening to the voices in the front. She knows she shouldn't be eavesdropping, and honestly, she's not even trying. Their voices are just too loud. Bellamy is apologizing. _Very unusual for him_ , she thinks. _Will Clarke forgive him_? _Will she go back to him_?

' _I love you, Bellamy_ ,' she hears Clarke say.

She doesn't need to hear the rest. She knows it was stupid to get attached. She had a plan when she came back here and Clarke had thrown a wrench in that plan. More like, Lexa had thrown the plan out the window the first time Clarke's lips brushed against hers under the covers. However, Lexa is more determined than ever to get back to the way things were supposed to be. _Good grades, no trouble, keep your distance, get accepted, and get the fuck out_. That's the mantra she repeats as she runs through the wooded by the lake right next to the Griffin's house. She doesn't stop running until she makes it to the point where the paved road cuts off to the gravel road that leads home. She stops just long enough to catch her breath and then continues walking, waiting for Lincoln to answer her text and pull up and get her.

 _Stay on track, Lexa. Find your music and get out of here_ , she tells herself.

<\---<< | >>\--->

"What the fuck is wrong with me, Lincoln?"

Lincoln looks over at her from the driver's seat, eyes narrowed and brow furrowed.

"I don't understand the question. Are you sick? Did you say something you shouldn't have? I mean....I need context-"

"I fucking bit her!" Lexa screams causing them both to wince at the shrill noise inside the small cabin of the truck.

In the 10 minutes it had taken him to read her text and then get to her, she'd gotten 4 texts from Clarke, 5 missed calls, and 2 voicemails. None of which had helped to calm her down. Everything swirling in her mind. Now that she'd bit her, was Clarke a werewolf, too? Was that only in movies? What if she did turn into one and then she blamed Lexa all her life for making her into a monster??

"Is she gonna turn into a werewolf?" the brunette tentatively begs the question. "Now that....I bit her...??"

"It.....doesn't really work that way with us, Lex."

"Oh Thank God!" she heaves in relief.

Lincoln stares back at the road, grip tightening on the steering wheel as he takes a deep breath in, holds it, and then releases.

"Okay.........we've got a pretty good ways to go so I'm gonna give you a quick run through, alright?"

"Please, give me something. Anything. Because right now, I'm freaking the fuck out.."

"Alright look, some of this is going to sound......crude. But it's the only way I know to tell ya, so, you'll have to excuse that.."

"Okay..."

"The couple weeks before a Blood Moon are hard on everyone," he starts. "Your body feels....unsettled. Your hormones rage and you get a little.....uhh...frisky. Any moon will do it to you but the Blood Moon amplifies it, makes it 10 times harder to resist the urges."

"What urges?" Lexa asks.

"Well that depends on your wolf. Everybody's wolf is different and the way the moon affects them is unique to them, but some of the urges are the same. Like the urge to fuck."

Lexa sees him blush and feels her own cheeks getting hot.

"There's gonna be a part of you that's gonna wanna hump anyone and everyone," Lincoln explains. "It's.....not about 'sexuality' - not the way we think of it. The wolf wants to fuck, or be fucked, depending on the parts you have. And no, I don't need a refresher. I remember what you're packing. What I'm trying to say is--You know I'm straight. Not because a dick scares me, but because I like femininity. Dudes don't get me going. I mean, I've never met an overly feminine dude so...I don't know if I'd be down for that but...that's not really the point. During a Blood Moon, the wolf doesn't care about dudes or chicks. The wolf cares about a warm body and even I have felt myself getting hard when I'm on the field and I'm tackling some guy I don't even know. The important thing is that you don't act on it.. "

"Why?"

"Number one, you're barely in control of your own mind during that time. Pushing yourself to that point would be dangerous. Number two, your body is going to go through a number of changes. One of those changes, depending on your dynamic, is going to be your uh....'genital situation'. If that specific change takes place, it would be hella painful for any 'human' girl you tried to have sex with."

"I don't understand. What's a....dynamic?"

"Okay so....you know how there's like....classes? So like...we're low class because we're poor as fuck and we live in the glades. Clarke is middle class - upper-middle but still middle - because her parents aren't rich but they ain't hurtin' either. The Blakes and the Collins'....they're what we'd call upper class. Maybe not in some areas but....for here....they're the highest we got. With wolves...it's kinda the same. Your dynamic is your class."

"Oh great," Lexa deadpans. "Another way I can be put down. Fantastic."

"Not necessarily," he shrugs. "Money doesn't count for shit when it comes to dynamics. It's more about the wolf inside you. How strong or weak they are - how dominant or submissive."

"Well.....what am I then?"

"I don't know," Lincoln explains. "Not yet. Gotta wait until you present. That's what your first shift is called, 'Presenting.' It's when you show your wolf for the first time - letting the pack know who and what you are."

"There's a pack?" she asks. "Do they know about me?"

"They do. And trust me, there's no judgement, Lex. Every saint's got a past and every sinner's got a future.."

"What's gonna happen to me, Lincoln?? What is this moon doing to me??"

"Clearly it's.....already affecting you. For you to bite Clarke that's......a very dominant move. Which is why it's even more dangerous for you to give in to any sexual urges you might have. If you're an Alpha, you could seriously hurt her."

"What do you mean?"

"You've had sex before, right?"

"Of course," she lies. "Why??"

"So you know how a girl gets wet and that helps your dick slide in better...??"

"Yeahh.."

"Okay, the thing is......an Alpha's junk is.....special. There's this......thing that forms at the base of your dick. It's an extra little pocket where blood goes and it gets....bigger - more girthy than the rest of your shaft. Kinda looks like this....donut around your dick."

"A donut?? Really, Lincoln?" she questions.

"Look, you get the picture, right?? Basically, it's meant to hold your dick inside her so that once you cum it doesn't....escape? I don't know how else to explain it but......it's for breeding."

"Breeding?"

"Making babies, Lex," the boy corrects. "Shit you don't even need to be considering at this point."

"No, no...I'm not. I just.....I just wanted to make sure I understood.."

"I know but that's why you can't fuck during a Blood Moon. Because even if you don't shift entirely, your dick still forms that knot when you're fucking. Sometimes even when you're not..."

"Does it hurt?" she asks quietly.

"I wouldn't know," he confesses. "I'm an omega. I've never popped a knot before."

"Popped a--Wait, what's an omega?"

"Omegas are the lowest class of wolves, because they're naturally submissive. They're usually more nurturing in a relationship than an Alpha. During this type of moon, their urges manifest making them want to fuck or be fucked and then cuddled. It makes them....needy and overly affectionate. Omegas are far less aggressive and less likely to hurt anyone, unless you threaten their mates or their young."

"Pause," she stops him, "What's a mate??"

"Wolves are.......somewhat different from humans. Not too much, considering our kind have human characteristics, obviously. Humans pretty much fuck whoever they want. They fall IN love and OUT of love, but with wolves....it's different. Wolves can fuck whoever but....they also experience something called 'pair bonding'. Kinda like marriage only.......way more serious. When wolves pair-bond, it's for life. If your mate dies, you don't ever have another. That's why it's.....dangerous for us when it comes to mingling with the townees. They're not like us.."

"But...........what about Octavia?" Lexa prods, unsure of what he's trying to tell her. "You love her..."

"Octavia and I are bonded," he concedes. "But it's not easy. My dad......he doesn't recognize the bond. He says she's going to break my heart when leaves me.....or get me killed trying to protect her."

"How does the bond work?"

"Well wolves don't tend to wear jewelry because....if we shirt unexpectedly....that would mean losing whatever clothes we're wearing or jewelry or...whatever. If it's something worth having, it's not worth losing during a shift. So using like....rings or something, that would never work out for us. Wolves use 'claim bites' as their way of showing their bond. The alpha bites their mates neck hard enough to draw blood and leave a scar-"

Lexa gasps, turning to him and quickly as she remembers a certain mark on Octavia's neck. "That scar on the side of O's neck....towards the back...usually she covers it with her hair-"

"Yeah," Lincoln nods. "That's my claim bite showing that we're bonded. If any wolf tried to attack her, they would smell my scent on her and see that mark. They would know that she's someone's mate and it's forbidden to attack another wolf's mate."

"They would smell you on her?"

"Yeah....it's called 'scent marking'. You pretty much just....rub yourself all over them and it puts your scent on them. You do it for protection but also just to mark them as yours. Let other wolves know that she's taken so they better not try. Once you present, you'll be able to smell it. You don't smell other wolves scents until you shift and your own scent becomes known."

"Does it stink?" she asks.

"Only if you're an Alpha," her cousin answers her with a laugh. "Omegas smell good. Even to other omegas. But especially to Alphas. Betas don't really have a scent and....they don't really react to other wolves scents either. They smell them but....it doesn't really affect them the same way. When an un-mated Alpha smells an un-mated Omega......it turns them on. Nature designed it that way, I guess, to make the alphas seek out omegas to mate with. Procreation."

"Humans don't smell it?"

"No, they don't smell it," he chuckles. "But we smell them. Anytime their mood changes or their hormones are going haywire.....we can smell it. If they're sick....their scent changes and we'll know. It's weird, but....cool. Everytime O's about to start her....uh....monthly cycle.....I can smell it. I always make sure she's got chocolate and pain killers."

"Hold up. What does it smell like? When she's about to start or like-Like when she's already on it?"

"You're seriously asking me that?" Lincoln says with his eyebrow quirked. Lexa nods and he obliges. "Alright.....well, it smells exactly how you'd expect it to. It smells like blood. Which for a wolf, wouldn't be nearly as offensive as it would for-"

"So it would smell good? Like.....semi-sweet??" Lexa interrupts him, nervously.

"Yeah....depending on their diet, why?"

"I think Clarke's on her period. I think that's what I was smelling when I.......when I bit her.."

For what seems like an eternity, Lincoln doesn't say anything. His eyes stay fixed on the road and Lexa is starting to worry that she's either grossed him out or he's really having to think about what he's going to say next. Judging by the way his jaw keeps tightening and releasing, she's guessing the latter is true.

"You need to stay away from her," he finally says, startling her a bit.

"I go to school with her Lincoln, that's......gonna be hard to do since we share classes."

"Stay home," he insists. "I'm serious, Lex. Tell Indra you're not feeling well and stay home. Keep yourself away from Clarke until the moon passes and I'll tell O what's going on so she knows to keep her busy. If you could smell her like that......even before your first shift, I don't even wanna know what could happen if you're around her when it gets closer to time.."

"I would never hurt her!" Lexa raises her voice at him. 

"Not intentionally, you wouldn't. But like I said.....this weekend....you're not really going to have a great deal of control over your mind and body."

"What does that-What does all that mean?? What exactly are you implying, Lincoln??"

"When Alphas give into their natural instincts during the Blood Moon allowing themselves to rut, it brings out the need to claim. Basically, if an un-mated Alpha has sex with someone during the Blood Moon, it's not uncommon for them to force a claim bite on the person they're with. If that person happens to be another wolf like us, then that bite forces them into a life of captivity."

"I don't understand..."

"They're stuck, Lex. Because trying to go against the bite is like a death wish. The bite, for wolves, is so much more than just a bite. The act - the significance of that act - it's buried deep in your wolfs spirit. It means a lot to them even if it doesn't mean shit to you as a human. If you sleep with someone that isn't your mate, you get sick. Violently ill to the point you'll wish you were dead. Doesn't matter if you're Alpha, Beta, or Omega. Once you're mated, you're mated, and that person is it for you. Your wolves are connected. However, if you were to bite a human..........it's not the same. Not for the human. The wolf inside you might bond with that human but for a human.....the significance of it doesn't root itself in them. They don't understand it and they don't feel the same pain of being away from a mate or having them die. They don't feel the same sickness if they were to cheat on you. It's just......not the same. And that's dangerous because when you're emotional, the wolf controls you. If you're an Alpha.....the wolf inside you demands submission. It demands respect. It demands ownership. And if the Alpha feels like the human they've claimed is unfaithful or if someone else tries to take them away.....they become very angry - jealous and enraged. If you lose control and claim her, there will be consequences you can't even imagine, Lexa.."

"But...what if I'm not an Alpha? You claimed O and you're not.."

"It doesn't have to be an Alpha that does the biting but.....based on your reaction to Clarke's 'time of the month'....you're definitely not omega or beta. Your instincts were telling you to mate her. Your instincts were telling you to claim her, that's why you bit her. It sounds crazy gross but.....it's kinda like dogs. The girl goes into heat and she bleeds for a bit. The males can smell her and they show up because her heat means that she's receptive to mating. You smelled her and your wolf told you she was ready - ready for you to take-"

"Pull over," Lexa yells.

"Lexa we're-"

"Pull the fuck over Lincoln, I'm gonna be sick!"

<\---<< | >>\--->

Lexa doesn't come to school Wednesday. Clarke doesn't mention anything to Raven or anyone else, only sending a text to ask if she's feeling okay. She gets a short replay: 'feeling a little sick. just need to rest.' She tries to call after school but Lexa doesn't answer and Clarke thinks maybe the brunette is sleeping it off. If it's just a bug, she'll be over it soon enough. But Thursday morning, Lexa is absent again and Clarke is starting to feel like Lexa is once again avoiding her. She had re-rehearsed her speech to include an apology for Bellamy showing up and a subsequent bitching at Lexa having just taken off like that. But clearly, Lexa was trying to hide away until she felt like enough time had passed and Clarke would probably be over it. Which she most certainly would not be. By the time Friday morning comes, Clarke is pissed the hell off because Lexa hasn't answered her texts or calls and she's STILL not at school. Clarke finally asks Raven what is going on and all her friend does is shrug and offer her a ' _Not my monkey, not my circus_ ' line and then walk away with Finn. Clarke immediately finds Octavia, in need of a good rant, and the minute she starts she gets cut off.

"She's really sick," O says, staring at her phone.

"You've seen her?"

"No, that's what Lincoln said.."

"How the fuck does Lincoln know what's going on and Raven doesn't," Clarke blurts out. "She fucking lives with-No, you know what?? This shit makes no sense. I'm going over there."

"What-Clarke wait a second. What the fuck are you doing?? You're gonna catch whatever cooties she has!"

"Oh, what, like Raven has caught it?? Yeah....nice try, O. I know she's avoiding me!" the blonde states. "Stop covering for her and text her to let her know I'm taking the rest of the day off and playing sick with her."

"Clarke you can't!" Octavia says, grabbing her wrist. "She's really contagious! Raven's been staying at Lincoln's and that's why she hasn't-"

"Save your bullshit, O. Tell Lexa she's got 45 minutes to make herself presentable before I get over there. At least if I kill her, she'll already be dressed for her funeral.."

She spends the drive working herself up into a tizzy, thinking and rethinking exactly how she's going to give Lexa Landry a piece of her mind. She pulls into the driveway of Indra and Thalia's house and notices something's off. There's clothes scattered from the porch along the ground leading to the dock by the mangroves. A sock here, a shirt there, shorts just up from there, and then a sports bra, and underwear. If Clarke didn't know any better, she'd think that Lexa was out here with someone....maybe doing something Clarke didn't want to imagine her doing. The closer she gets to the water, the more horrible scenarios run through her mind. _What if she is with someone?? What if it's that Gavin girl?? What if they've been seeing each other since--?_ She stops in her tracks when she sees Lexa, submerged shoulders-deep in the water beside the dock.

"What the fuck are you doing, Lexa??" she yells, running towards the edge of the water. "Are you trying to get yourself killed?! Are you really willing to go to those lengths to avoid me??"

When Lexa doesn't answer, Clarke tries again, reaching her hand down to slap the water. The splash draws the attention of a few small fish that swim over to see what the commotion is, but Lexa doesn't turn around. Doesn't even acknowledge that she hears her.

"Lexa!" Clarke calls to her. "Are you listening to me?? Get out of there! If something gets ahold of you I won't be able to get you to the hospital quick enough, you crazy little shit!! Get out!! Right now!!"

Again, her pleas seem to fall on deaf ears. And that's really the only reason why Clarke would ever even consider doing something so reckless - something so fucking stupid - like getting in the water and going after her. She starts taking off her shoes and her socks, pulling her shirt over her head, leaving her bra. She unfastens her pants, looking up to see Lexa's head disappearing under the water. She shucks her jeans off and slowly makes her way out, into the strangely clear water. She'd always loved the way the glades had two distinct types water. The murky marsh water of the southern swamp and the clearer gulf water by the mangroves. She kept moving, trying to make her way towards the last spot she'd seen the brunette when a large shape swam towards her - fast approaching and so scary she tried to swim backwards to get away. Lexa's head shoots out of the water and her arms are out, hands grabbing Clarke and pulling her close.

"Lex!" she shrieks. "Don't ever do that again! You fucking scared me!"

She notices only after settling in her captor's arms that Lexa's eyes aren't their usual color. As a matter of fact, they almost seem like they're glowing - shining this beautiful opalescent color. The brunette's breathing is quick and shallow, like a dog hassling, as her lower body presses against Clarke's. Suddenly, the girl's nostrils flare and the look on her face changes, a look of fear and then anger taking over her.

"Hey," Clarke says softly, bringing her hand up to cup her friend's cheek. "Lex, what-"

"Get away from her!" Clarke hears Lincoln screaming from the path to the dock. "Clarke! Get out of the water!"

He's stripping his clothes off before Clarke can even blink and almost as far, Lexa spins her around, one muscular arm slung around her ribs and the other resting on her hip. When Lincoln comes closer, Clarke hears a growl and feels a low vibration against her back, a noise that makes her feel like passing out and makes the boy stop where he's at.

"Lexa," he says cautiously, reaching a hand out for her Clarke to take. "Let's go for a run. Let Clarke go back to the house and you and me.....we can go run. Take out some of that frustration."

"Don't touch her," Lexa growls the warning.

"Lexie," the boy tries, wading just a touch closer so his hand can finally reach Clarke's. "You can trust me. You know that."

As soon as his fingers are within mere inches of Clarke's arm, Lexa lets out another rumble, deep and low - so powerful that the water around them ripples.

"Don't...touch....her," the brunette repeats her threat, clacking her teeth at the end, snapping out a definitive "Mine!"

"Okay," he nods, pulling his hand away, placating her. "I hear you. It's okay, I hear you, Lex. I know what you're feeling.....but this isn't the way to do it. You're scaring her. You don't want that, do you?"

Clarke feels Lexa's grip loosen and the faintest of whimpers bellowed against the back of her neck and the damp hair slicked against her skin.

"No," Lexa answers, and it sounds a little like a whine - a choked out whine.

"Alright so....how about you let her go and you and me go take out some energy in the marshes? Yeah?"

As soon as the arm around her disappears, Clarke feels Lincoln's hand yanking her towards him, his arms sweeping her legs out from under her as he carries her out of the water.

"Go." he tells her. "Get your shit and get out of here. O's waiting for you by the house."

She hesitates, looking back at Lexa whose eyes are definitely glowing now as they watch her. Clarke doesn't understand. She doesn't know what is going on but for some reason she's not as afraid as he's making her feel like she should be. And, apparently she's not moving fast enough because Lincoln picks up her clothes and slams them against her chest, yelling at her.

"I said GO! NOW! Get out of here and don't come back!!"

It kills hers, walking backwards up the bank and watching as Lexa moves forward, trying to follow before Lincoln pushes her back, holding her as she struggles to go after her. She hears the raspy ' _Clarke!_ ' leaving the girl's mouth and it breaks her heart to have to leave. 

"Just go!" Lincoln tells her again. "It's only gonna get worse if you stay, Clarke! Go! Now!!" 

She turns and runs back to her car, sobbing as she makes her way back up towards Indra's house, falling into Octavia's waiting arms. The last thing she hears as her friend pushes her into her card is a loud, broken howl.

"Clarke!!! _"_

  



	8. Black Sheep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know what warnings to use for this anymore, honestly....*throws hands up in defeat*
> 
> Descriptions of bones breaking and such....pain...implied non-con (no real details)....and I think that about covers it.

_Werewolf._

_Blood Moon._

_Shifting._

_Presenting._

All words that swam through Clarke's head as she laid in bed next to Octavia, fingers idly running over the spot on her neck where Lexa had bit her. Her mind flashed back to Octavia sitting on her bed in front of her, legs crossed Indian style, leaning her head down and to the side showing a scar on her neck in the shape of a bite mark. Lincoln's bite mark, she was soon informed.

'Mates' was the word Octavia had used to describe it - 'bonded' another. She couldn't help thinking about the moment Lexa had bitten her, how intense things between them had become, how frantic the last thrust of her hips was and how rushed the bite had seemed. Lexa had been so slow and purposeful, why would she all of a sudden become so harsh? So rough?

Was she upset?? Clarke wondered if Lexa might have been frustrated with her not moving fast enough. Maybe she had hoped that Clarke would give her the okay to go further. Maybe she had hoped Clarke would take the initiative - take matters 'into her own hands' so to speak. Or maybe it was just the moon.

Why had Lexa not told her? Why had her best friend felt the need to hide this from her? How long had she known this would happen?

Headlights shining against the trees outside catch her attention and the sound of a truck pulling up and movement in her house has her awake quickly. She sneaks out of bed, leaving a sleeping Octavia behind, as she quietly makes her way through the house, following the voices of her mother and father and someone she doesn't recognize.

"Get her in the shed and onto my table," her mother says. "My stuff's in my car, let me get it out."

"Sorry to wake you Doc," a gravelly voice calls to her from behind the tailgate of a old Chevy, fixed up, and sitting on a huge set of mudd tires. "You know how it is. These young ones get into all kinds of trouble.."

Clarke watches in the doorway as her dad holds the door to the shed open while a man almost twice his size carries in the lifeless body of a small, adolescent wolf. Her mother is shuffling through the back seat of her GMC extended cab, rummaging for her travel bag. She slams the door shut behind her, heading into the shed as Clarke watches her father shut the door behind them. 

<\---<< | >>\--->

"It hurts, Lincoln!"

The boy watches his cousin writhing in pain, her clothes covered in mud. He wants to help her, but there's nothing he can do. She has to shift. It has to hurt. _The pain is the curse_ , his father's words ring clear in his mind.

"I know, Lex," he tries to soothe her. "Your body is trying to rebuild itself in a completely different shape.."

He hears her bones cracking as she howls into the night. "Make it stop, Lincoln, please!"

"I can't, Lex, I'm sorry. The pain is the curse," he mimics, "You have to feel it. You have to let your body break to become the wolf inside. I know it hurts like hell but....there's no way to stop the process once it starts."

"I need-" her pleas are choked up as her throat constricts, her back snaps and her body contorts. "I need Clarke.."

"No you don't. You just have to do this. There's nothing she could do if she were here. You just have to try and relax as best you can. Don't fight it, Lex. You'll make it worse."

"What's wrong with me Lincoln?? Why is it taking so long??"

"I don't know," he shakes his head, hating that he doesn't have answers for her. "It's never taken this long before.."

"Is that bad?" she asks, her jaw slamming shut as she growls. She looks at her fingers, changing their shape, her nails lengthening into claws.

"Lex....I-I think I need to get my dad...I....I don't know. This doesn't--your eyes don't look right...your teeth....they're-"

She can feel her teeth aching, the stretch of her jaw. The pain shoots through her entire body, head to toes, and back again.

"Lincoln, I can't breathe! The clothes-I can't breathe!!"

"Here," he says, pulling her shirt over her head quickly. "Let me help you get 'em off.."

"I can feel it," she pants, her lungs expanding to the point her ribs pop, and she struggles, still, to catch her breath. "Fuck!"

"It's gonna be okay, Lex. You're gonna be okay," He says, rubbing her head gently. "Think of something you want more than anything. Think of some happy place - anywhere else you'd rather be. Just think about it and let your mind go there. okay??"

She thinks of Clarke. She imagines Clarke sitting in her bed, sketch pad in her lap, earbuds in and her head bobbing. She imagines sneaking up behind her, pulling the earbuds out, and placing a big wet kiss on the back of the blonde's neck. She imagines her scent, the way Clarke smells with Lexa's nose pressed against her skin, and the sound of the blonde's heartbeat, drumming in time with hers. She imagines the covers pulled over their heads, Clarke's husky laugh playing in her ears, and that breathy moan she does when Lexa sucks on the right spot of her neck. Her mind plays the words like a broken record, over and over - ' _I want you, Lexa. Take me._ ' She knows it's not real but it helps with the pain; it helps keep the illusion alive better than the image of Clarke walking away from her.

She tries to forget it, tries to block out the anguish she felt when Clarke turned her back and ran towards the house, not even turning to look back. She knows she'd scared her. It was the most unexplainable thing, like an out-of-body experience. She could feel the blonde against her, feel her hand on her cheek. She could smell the sweet smell that just _was_ 'Clarke'.....and then there was someone else's smell. A smell she didn't know and couldn't understand. Even once she saw Lincoln, associating him with the new odor filling her nostrils, her mind still ran wild with images of someone taking Clarke from her, someone or something stealing her away....and hurting her. She didn't mean to growl like that but it was like the wolf had control. She tried to see reason, fighting doubly hard fight the possessive hold she had on the blonde's body. She was thankful that Lincoln had managed to calm her enough to get Clarke away from her before something happened, but she felt so empty the moment the girl was out of her arms. She hated that she needed Clarke so bad - hated that even after leaving her and knowing she was probably back with Bellamy by now, she still burned for her like her lungs burned for air right now. ' _Mine'_ her brain replays like a skip. _'Mine, mine, mine!'_

' _Yours_ ' she hears echoed back to her.

The next thing Lexa knows, she is running - fast, free, and wild under the light of the moon. 

<\---<< | >>\--->

It's not uncommon for Clarke to go with her mother and even assist her in different procedures. She's seen enough blood, guts, and gore to make her pretty much immune to horror flicks and their fake shit. She closes her front door, bare feet stepping carefully across the dirt and leaves on her path to the shed. She can hear them talking, her mother asking questions and the man seems reluctant but he answers.

"What happened to her, Gus?" There's a pause, followed by her mother's softer tone. "You know I'm not going to report anything, but I need to know so I don't miss anything.."

"It's her first shift," the burly man says. "Just got her period last month. Now this. We were out running and I was showing her the trails when....this alpha came out of nowhere and attacked her."

"Did he-?"

"No!" the man answers abruptly. "I was able to fend him off, thank the spirits. But he caused plenty of damage trying."

"She's already healing," Clarke hears her mother say as she walks around the side of the shed, to the window to look in. "I'm going to have to re-break this and set it properly. Should be healed by the afternoon. Do you want me to give her something for pain?"

"Won't do any good," the man replies. "Do what you gotta do, Doc. I'll hold her down."

"I'll help you," Clarke hears her father say.

The blonde stands on her tip-toes, peering into the window only to find the three adults standing around her mother's table. And a human girl, 12 or 13 at the most, laying on top of it. She's naked, with only a sheet wrapped around her mid section, and Clarke sees the caked on mud and blood, the bruises that cover her skin. She watches as her dad lays over the girl's legs, the large stranger falling over her torso, as her mother reaches to hold on to the young girl's wrist. Her movements are quick, precise, and Clarke hears the snap of the bone breaking. The girl screams and Clarke's knees buckle, her imagination getting the better of her as she sees Lexa's long, lean body laying on that table. Her curly brown hair splayed across the pillow and those green eyes hidden, her face scrunched in unimaginable amounts of pain.

 _That could have been her_ , she tells herself. _That could have been Lexa_.

She's not even sure that it's fully sunk in that these people - these....beings - are living two different lives, in some sense. The walk around in the day like normal human beings, working or going to school, carrying on their business like it's nothing. Like the fact that their body cracks and contorts itself however often isn't even something out of the ordinary. And maybe it's not, for them, she reasons. But for her, the thought is.......unsettling? That's the best word she can think of at the moment.

"Take her home and put her to bed," her mother tells the man. "She'll need a good breakfast in the morning and plenty of milk. Light lunch, early dinner, and give her this tea after it. It will help with her heat tonight."

"Thanks Doc," the man hugs her, turning back to the girl on the table to pick her up.

Clarke turns to rush back into the house before her parents see her, but when she rounds the corner she notices something in the dark where the trees sit on her parents property beside the lake. Red glowing eyes. They're watching her. Each step she takes, they move, too. She lowers her head in curiosity, quirking it like a puppy trying to figure something out. A breeze hits her neck and she watches the red orbs coming closer, a tall dark figure appearing in the shadows. She cranes her neck to look back at the door to the shed, but in doing so, she exposes her neck causing a growl to be emitted from the creature lurking in the night.

And then, the growl cuts off as the red eyes disappear and then reappear as if whatever it was had turned it's head to look at something in the distance. In a fit of bravery, Clarke takes a few steps forward as she watches the glow steadily retreating into the pitch black of the trees. It's still watching her, still honed it as it pulls away. The door to the shed swings open and the mountain of a man steps out with the young girl in his arms, sleeping soundly.

"Someone followed us here," the man says, with his head raised and looking around. 

He catches sight of Clarke, offering her a gentle smile and a curt head nod, before taking the girl to his truck. Clarke eyes the man, noting her mother approaching her from the side as she watches him load the girl into the seat and hop in.

"We need to talk," her mother says and the blonde nods her head in agreement.

"You make the cocoa and your father and I will be in in just a second, okay?"

"Okay."

<\---<< | >>\--->

"How long have you known?"

Her mother asks her the question without even needing to be told that Clarke was watching them. Her mom has always had a knack for reading people. It's not surprising that she can tell that none of what just happened is surprising to Clarke. Even so, the blonde kind of wishes her mother would give her just a little bit more time to be in denial.

"Tonight," she answers, staring down at her cup.

"How'd you find out?" her dad wonders aloud.

"It's a long story," Clarke says, taking a sip of her hot chocolate. "I don't even know where to begin..."

"Let's start with Lexa," her mother offers, with a knowing smirk. "I'm guessing your discovery had something to do with her."

"How did you know?"

"You two are always together, Clarke," Abby reasons, "But tonight, you came home with Octavia and you left your phone downstairs. Clearly you weren't anticipating a text or call from her. I think we both know why that is.."

"Why didn't anyone tell me before?"

"Honey, we were hoping it would never affect you," her dad tries to explain. "But when Lexa came back......we knew there was a chance. We just didn't know how to bring it up.."

"Is she going to be okay?"

"The girl from the shed?" her mom asks.

"No, Lexa. Is she going to be okay tonight? What if the same person that did that to that girl does something to her??"

"It's a possibility," Jake says carefully before adding, "But Lexa is much older and much stronger than that little girl."

"Why did he attack her?"

"The same reason why a man would attack a young woman if he wanted something she wasn't willing to give," Abby tells her. "For them, though, it's.....different. It's not okay - not by any means - but it's something their bodies almost......can't help. it's in their nature, sweetie."

"Could Lexa be like that? Could she attack other wolves like that?"

"Yes," her dad nods, sadly. "She could."

"But you don't know for sure??"

"No, not until.....not until she presents," Abby states, giving her a clear answer. "Tonight is.....just a precursor. Some may present, some may shift halfway but still maintain most of their human features. Tomorrow night will be the worst of it."

"Tomorrow there may be more girls like that one?? More girls that get hurt?"

"There might be," the older woman nods.

"I saw red eyes in the trees tonight," Clarke tells them. "Before you came out of the shed, there were red glowing eyes watching me. I was trying to focus to see what it was, when I turned my head back towards the shed, it growled at me."

"You showed your neck," her mother says. "It's a sign of submission."

"What does that mean?"

"It means it will come back here," her dad announces, standing up to go look out the window of the kitchen towards the lake and the surrounding trees. "When did they start coming this far out, Abby?"

"They're not supposed to. It's a violation of the treaty."

"It seemed scared," the blonde mentions. "It was coming closer to me but then....it turned to look at something - something I couldn't see on the other side of the house maybe - and it started backing away."

"What does that mean?" Jake queries. "Why would it leave if it saw something it wanted? Not that I'm not glad...it's just....it doesn't make sense. That alpha that attacked Gus' kid--Gus is a big man. And the Alpha still put up a fight.."

"It means there's something bigger out there," Abby says staring at the door. "The only reason an alpha backs off is because a bigger alpha stepped up. An alpha it didn't wanna tangle with.."

"You think they came for the girl? The girl on the table?" Clarke questions them.

"It wouldn't be a stretch. Alpha's have covered longer distances tracking the scent of an omega in heat. Or about to be in heat."

"Heat....like....dog heats? Like.....female dog bleeding kind of heats?"

"Yes," her father replies. "The female dog will bleed at the beginning of her heat and then she will be ready to mate. The males can smell it, sometimes over great distances, and they'll come find her to try and mate with her."

"It's the same with them?? The Alpha is the male??"

"Not necessarily but....same premise, yes," her mother concedes. "The Alpha doesn't have to be male. Lexa could be an alpha, for example. Alpha is just a term given to the more dominant of the dynamics. Omega, is given for the more submissive, and would be the role you'd associate with the female dog in heat. Alpha's can smell when an Omega is in heat and they hunt them, like wild dogs hunt deer to eat. The Blood Moon brings it out in the them."

"So if.......if Lexa were an alpha......she would be hunting an omega right now??"

"Most likely, yes. It's what their nature tells them to do. Hunt and mate, hunt and mate.."

Clarke thinks about what her mother is saying, feeling the words sink into her brain as her heart breaks at the thought of Lexa being anything like the person who attacked that poor girl and beat her so bad. Lexa wouldn't do that, would she?? Lexa wouldn't hurt anyone. But what if it wasn't forced? She remembered the times she'd tagged along with her mom and heard her talking about the effects of a heat. Female dogs who were normally defensive against males would turn their tails, almost as if they were enticing them. They were receptive to it - dancing and rolling and trying to capture the males attention. Did Omegas do this? Would an Omega in heat try to tempt her and would it work?? What if her mother was right and their biology - Lexa's biology - was working against Clarke? What if there was some Omega right now, dancing and rolling around in the dirty, tempting Lexa with her smell? She hadn't even been able to figure out what human Lexa felt about her, now she had to figure out what the wolf was feeling too?? Alphas want Omegas, right--So what if the wolf didn't want her at all?

She'd just made it back to bed, somewhere around 2 am, when Octavia rolled over asking if she was okay.

"You wanna talk about it?" her friend asks.

"What's it like? Being with one of them?"

"Are you talking...relationship or.....doing the dirty??"

"Both.."

"Depends," O says, sleepily. "Linc's an Omega. He's kind and affectionate, but still strong and protective. We took our time, ya know? Getting to know each other beyond just a...friendly sorta way. Nothing was rushed.."

"Was he your first?" Clarke mumbles. "You never told me.."

"We were each other's first," the brunette tells her with a yawn. "He had already explained everything to me - told me about the bite and all that.."

"Was he.........gentle? I mean...like...did it hurt?"

"He was really sweet," O recalls. "We actually didn't plan it at all. It was during a full moon.....he'd been sorta antsy all day, I could tell. I asked him what was up and he told me the moon made his body feel funny. He asked if I could stay the night with him, just so we could cuddle. He said it helps just to be close, ya know? It just happened. His body was so needy and.....I wanted him so....i figured...why not? it hurt a little.....a lot actually. But.....that's just....his size. Not tryna paint you a picture or anything but...yeah. You know I've never believed in that traditional "roses and candles" kinda bullshit anyway. A hot summer night, moon high in the sky, cicadas chirping outside. Sweaty and sticky and....lost in it. That's my idea of perfect.."

"That actually sounds really nice to me.."

"Of course, you're a swampie like me," her friend laughs, teasing her. "You know....I love Lincoln, with everything I have. But.......it's not easy. Being with them.."

"You and Lincoln always look so happy.."

"That's because we choose not to let other people see our struggles. People around here.....if they smell even a hint of weakness, they go in for the kill."

"What makes it so hard?? The moons??"

"When young people Linc and Lexa's age present, the seers in their pack arrange for them to be matched with another young wolf. It's a more civilized way of doing this, they say, but.......it still takes away a person's choice about who to be with. Some people go by what the pack elders say and some people don't. Sometimes they just.....can't control themselves and they go against what they've been told to do. With Lincoln and I.....it just happened, but....at the same time we knew it would. We knew he wasn't going to agree to the elders' terms."

"So like....they pick out mates for them?"

"Yeah," O nods with a sigh. "They like wolves mixing with wolves more than wolves mixing with humans. My issue is.....what if the human is a wolf and just hasn't presented yet...you know?? They just....like certainties. An alpha for an omega....a beta for an omega. They like the controlled aspect of it. Linc was supposed to be with this...beta girl. I met her - once or twice. She seemed really nice, actually."

"But my mom said that Alpha's hunt during the moon?"

"They do.."

"But that doesn't make sense if-"

"The counsel sets it up, Clarke," her friend divulges. "Lets say the alpha presents on the first night...like tonight. Now that they have confirmation of alpha status, they send the omega they've matched the alpha with out to wander on the second night -- the night of the actual Hunter's Moon. It's sick. They leave this defenseless omega - vulnerable as hell in their heat - out in the middle of the words, closest to the area that the alpha would be in. Basically like a sheep to the slaughter. Alpha catches their omega's scent and.....bam. Done deal."

"What the fuck?! That's crazy!" Clarke gapes. "I can't-I can't fucking believe that.."

"It's true...."

"And the omega's agree to this??"

"When an Omega wants to be fucked, the idea of an Alpha is like.....the ultimate fantasy," her friend says. "I mean....don't say anything but...when Lincoln goes all submissive and shit around this time....he likes for me to dominate him. He likes for me to play the Alpha. It wouldn't be difficult to get an Omega in heat to agree to seducing their intended mate.."

"Octavia, Lexa's out there tonight! And she's gonna be out there tomorrow night, too! What if they did that to her??"

"That's why Lincoln's with her, Clarke," Octavia comforts her. "He's gonna keep her safe, I promise you. He said we can go see them during the day today. She'll be tired from the first night's run so....she should be pretty docile. We'll have to leave around mid-afternoon though."

"We better get to sleep then. It's like 3 am now!"

"HA," the brunette laughs, "Someone's eager.."

<\---<< | >>\--->

Lexa wakes to the sound of the birds chirping. She can feel the sun on her face, smell the fresh morning dew and the---shampoo?? One eye opens carefully, taking in her surroundings before focusing on the source of the freshly clean scent. Oh God! She'd lost track of time last night. She'd been so tired after the run and then she'd stayed just to--she must have fallen asleep. She thought she'd be safe staying just until sunrise - Lincoln had told her not to get caught out after 6:30am. And now, she's been caught. And not even by some fucking Arkadia cop in the glades. No, she's been caught in town, in broad daylight. AND she's naked, as if the spirits couldn't curse her enough. How is she going to explain this? Sleep-walking maybe? It sounds logical. _Might work_ , she thinks. She opens her mouth to try it out but doesn't get a chance.

"Heya Squid," Jake Griffin greets her with a half-cocked grin. "Guessing you had a long night?"

"This is....not what it looks like.." she stutters.

"Oh yeah?" he chuckles. "Try me, kiddo."

  



	9. Reckless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Mentions of physical abuse and scars relating to that.
> 
> I think that's it but if I missed something, let me know.

Everything hurts. Her whole body's sore, her head throbbing as she steps into the shower. She stands under the spray of the water allowing it to run over her skin. The heat from the near boiling jets is unbearable in some ways but it's the only thing to soothe the ache. She remembers when Nia used to punish her, she'd make her shower before her mother and Dax got home. 5 minutes in burning hot water, 5 minutes in ice cold. Repeat two more times. Apparently it kept the soreness from being anything excessive, which any parent would see as a red flag. It also help to keep her from bruising for the most part. It had only been the couple times where Lexa had tried to fight back that she'd ended up with something more serious that no 'shower routine' could fix. A broken clavicle once, dislocated elbow twice - same arm, sutures for a wound caused by a belt buckle with a sharper edge. She turns the cold water on quickly shocking herself enough to kick those thoughts out of her head.

She'd been so angry with herself for staying last night, falling asleep in the small clearing just behind the Griffins' home. But she had to. There was someone there when she got there - a large figure that appeared mostly human, brawny and menacing, stalking through the trees towards the house. She heard the man growl and something in her snapped. She ran as fast as she could towards the house and he must have sensed her because he turned his head, red eyes taking her in. He looked back towards the house for a moment and then started backing away, something Lexa wasn't sure what to make of. He didn't put up a fight, didn't even give a snarl of discontent. Just simply....bowed out. Turning the heat back on, she hopes she'll remember to ask Lincoln about that later.

For now, she's here - far from where she actually needs to be at this moment - lathering her body up with Jake's 3 in 1 shampoo/body wash/face wash which had been the only thing she'd found in the guest bathroom. Well, at least she assumed it was Jake's, though it didn't smell like him. Not how he'd smelt today. It was a new thing for her. She'd be able to smell things before but never anything really discernable or anything particularly strong like his scent had seemed this morning when she'd first woken up. Nothing like his shampoo and the dab of cologne or aftershave on his neck, the sweet smell of his signature creamer-filled coffee that he always made with what Abby said must be 'a pound of sugar'. She liked the smells, but they were almost overwhelming, and she wondered if it would always be like that or if she'd get used to this one day. At least he didn't stink, reeking of sewage or cigarette smoke, maybe even alcohol like she imagined that her mom or Dax probably would have if she could smell them now. 

She smells the soapy concoction again, wondering if this is what Bellamy smells like - if he'd stayed here before and had left this behind. Her head jerks back from the suds, reeling with the knowledge that she might be stepping out of this shower smelling exactly like the person that was stealing the affections of the girl she wanted. She feels a sudden fire building inside her - fast and all consuming - causing her to slam her fist into the tiles of the shower wall.

"FUCK!" she cries out.

She expects to hear Jake knocking on the door, asking if she's okay, but nothing comes. She's thankful he didn't seem to notice. Though she's got a much bigger problem on her hands. The tile is cracked now, and she's not sure if she should inform him that she damaged the shower he so graciously let her use or if she just keep it to herself and pray he doesn't notice. _Maybe they never use this shower_ , she thinks to herself while turning the water off. _Maybe they won't realize_.

As she's pulling back the shower curtain and stepping out into the rug, she hears a knock at the door.

"Jake?"

 _Fuck, I woke Abby up_ , she curses. She shuffles across the floor, cracking the door to find a very surprised Abby Griffin on the other side.

"Sorry, I-" she stammers, getting interrupted by the matriarch of the house.

"Oh, Thank God," the woman sighs exasperatedly. "Clarke will be so happy to know you're safe. When did you get here, sweetie?? Are you okay?? You hungry??"

_Where is all this coming from? Do they--do they know?? Are the Griffins.......?_

"Yes ma'am," she forces herself to speak. "I'm okay, just....a little sore is all."

"Well come to the kitchen when you're finished and I'll have a good breakfast for you. I've got some Arnica Montana that you'll need to take to help with any pain and stiffness. Don't forget to hang your towel up so it can dry."

"Yes ma'am. Thank you."

"Not a problem, sugar, just come find me when you're ready! Don't take too long, though. The girls are already getting up and they'll eat everything before you even get a chance to taste it."

Lexa nods and Abby disappears down the hall, setting about her task of preparing the morning meal for everyone. Lexa shuts the door and begins to dry off, not getting far before hearing another knock. She opens the door carefully, finding Jake in the hall with a stack of folded clothes.

"T-shirt, one of Abby's sports bras, athletic shorts...they have a string you can use to tighten the waist if they don't fit...and a pair of boxer briefs I've never worn because Abby bought them. Different brand, slightly more snug in the waist area than my usual so....yeah. I wasn't sure if you were a boxers or briefs kinda gal so...I picked a happy medium. Convenient that I still had these..."

"Thanks Mr. Griffin," she says, accepting the clothes.

"You know," he says, looking down at the floor for a moment. "I remember when you used to call me Dad. I know you probably don't remember and.......maybe you're not that comfortable anymore. But Mr Griffin is way too formal for a member of the family so....how does Jake sound to you?"

"Oh I........." She's at a loss for words. He's right - she doesn't remember calling him that. There's a lot she doesn't remember, really. "Umm...I could do that. I could call you Jake, I mean.."

"Okay, good. Alright, well, go ahead and get dressed," he smiles, turning to walk away. "I'll see you at the table, Lex."

"Yes sir, Mr--...Jake," she grins shyly, shutting the door.

She finishes drying off, throwing the towel over the towel rack. She slips the sports bra over her head, pulling it down and adjusting. She grabs the boxer briefs, bending down to step into them and slide them up her long legs, letting the waist band snap against the skin of her hip bones. They're loser than she normally wears but they'll work, she nods surveying herself. A third knock at the door just as she's pulling up the basketball shorts has her feeling like she'll never be able to finish getting dressed in time to get any breakfast. This time when she cracks the door, Clarke's cerulean eyes make her freeze, unable to fight back as the blonde pushes her way through the door, shutting it behind her.

She doesn't talk, her hands cupping Lexa's cheeks and jaw instantly as their lips lock. To Lexa, this kiss feels different than any of the ones they've shared before. It's soft and sweet, slow and meaningful. She feels Clarke's hands move down, under her arms and around to her back, holding her in place as the girls lips trace down her neck gently. This doesn't feel as sexually charged as Lexa remembers Clarke being before - the way she usually licks against the brunette's skin and uses her nails to scratch lightly. No, instead, her palms are flat against Lexa's upper back, fingers spread to cover as much ground as possible it seems. Her nose brushes against Lexa's collarbone, her mouth pressing deliberately feather-light kisses against the top of Lexa's chest. Lexa feels the blonde lift her head, nudging her chin up with the bridge of her nose. She places one open-mouthed kiss to Lexa's throat, making her swallow shakily against the tender pressure of Clarke's lips there.

It's almost too much, the way Clarke is worshiping her, and the feel of the blonde's body against her. She smells like summer, like the sun shining and the light showers that only last a few minutes at most. Clarke smells like the kind of happiness that could pass you by if you're not careful - too busy or stupid to appreciate it when it comes along. Lexa smiles, ducking her head to press a kiss of her own to the blonde's temple. She feels Clarke squeeze her, trying to pull her closer - trying to pull her in so much that they might turn into one person. Lexa feels her wolf purring on the inside, and hearing a giggle from the girl against her, she realizes that the noise and/or the vibration must be something the blonde is experiencing too.

"Never heard that sound from you before. I guess that means you're happy to see me, huh?" she teases.

"Are you okay?" she asks, pulling back and looking Lexa up and down, eyeing her for what the brunette thinks is probably any signs of a scuffle. "Are you hurt anywhere?"

"I'm okay," Lexa informs her with a soft smile. "I'm just a little sore. Your mom's gonna give me some vitamins or something that should help with that.."

"Turn around," Clarke orders. "I need to inspect you to make sure you're not hurt."

"Clarke, seriously?"

"Fine," she blonde huffs. "Be stubborn. I'll just go around yo-"

"Don't," the brunette stops her, grabbing her arm. "Let me just....put this shirt on so we can go eat.."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Lexa says. "I'm just tired. And hungry."

"Okay," the other girl gives in, her hands lingering on Lexa's sides. "You'd tell me if something was wrong, wouldn't you? You'd let me help you?"

"Yes Clarke," she promises with a kiss the girl's lips. "I would tell you."

"Lex....I-"

"Hey you two," Octavia calls out, barging into the bathroom without even a warning knock. "Breakfast is ready. You coming?"

"We'll be there in just a sec, O," Clarke answers, watching her friend walk out. She turns to Lexa, pressing a kiss to her jaw. "You should stay."

"For breakfast?"

"No silly. I mean, YES but I was talking about _after,_ " she blushes. "Stay with me - here - for a little while. O's going to see Lincoln and my folks are going grocery shopping. We can go upstairs after we eat and just.....chill out. I'll let you sleep in my bed while I draw..."

It's not a hard choice - not even one she has to think about. She wraps her arms around Clarke, her lips finding the blonde's pulse point. 

"Okay," she agrees, mouth moving along the pale skin there. "I'll stay. Just let me finish up here and I'll be out in a minute, okay?"

"Don't take too long," Clarke says, kissing her and then pulling away to shut the door behind her.

<\---<< | >>\--->

"Hey, you got a minute?"

Clarke had almost fallen back to sleep in her bed next to Lexa when Octavia had poked her head in asking if they could talk. She nods and holds a finger up, signalling to her friend to give her a second to get up without waking the sleeping brunette. Once they're out in the hallway, O grabs her wrist and tells her ' _Not here. Outside_ '. They make their way out the door, dodging a rat snake on their way to the dock by the lake. Octavia doesn't say a word until they're standing at the very end - staring out as the sun rises further in sky. 

"Whats going on O?" Clarke asks, unable to contain her anxiety any longer.

"I talked to Linc," her friend says. "His dad got word from a few of his patrons - members of the council. They've already picked an omega.."

"You mean...??"

"For Lexa," Octavia clarifies. "Linc said his dad told him they witnessed her shift."

"You.....what are you not telling me, O?" the blonde questions. "I can see it in your eyes, there's something else..."

"Lincoln said they're bringing an elder here. An elder from farther north. One of the oldest living wolves."

"Why?"

"Something about Lexa," the girl tries to explain, fumbling her words. "She's.....different. Linc said the person who watched her change was...scared, I guess. Supposedly they went back and reported to the council that Lexa needed to be assessed for....I don't remember the term he used but...maybe it's like rabies for their kind."

"What the---Octavia, Lexa is not rabid!" Clarke argues having to quiet herself down quickly. "Don't you think," she whispers, "If she were rabid she would have attacked me or you....or my parents--- _ANYONE_ \--by now??"

"I'm just telling you what they said. Something's not right with her and everybody's up in arms about it.."

"What about this omega?? Who is it?? Do you know??"

"Nope. Didn't say," O supplies, "Linc only said that his dad told him it was some girl and she'd be out there tonight waiting."

"What am I supposed to do, O?? I can't just let her do this."

"You may not have a choice, C. I mean....Lincoln said he couldn't catch up to her last night. Which is hard for me to fathom cause....he's fast as fuck. You've seen him on the field, Clarke. He's no Usian Bolt but...he's quick. That Lexa must be fast as a jack-rabbit!"

Clarke can't respond. The only thing her brain processes is the fact that Lexa is going to be back out there tonight and there's a possibility that the next time she sees her, she will probably have a mate. What does that mean exactly when it comes to their relationship? Can you have a mate and still be with someone else?? 

"He also said her fur is like.. _pitch back_ which is.... **very** uncharacteristic for one of them-" her friend blabbers on, interrupted by an outburst from the blonde.

"What if I let her claim me??"

"I'm.......not following.."

"What if I let her claim me? Like....if she bit me," Clarke rambles. "Mated alphas don't hunt for omegas, right?? Or does that even matter?"

"No, they don't," Octavia reasons, "But Clarke....I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why?"

"Well, number 1, you and Lexa don't even know what you and Lexa are. You've been doing this make-out thing for....I honestly don't even want to know how long. Why complicate shit further when you don't even know how serious this is? And 2, it's not just about the bite, Clarke. I mean....I'm sure it requires the umm......the other stuff, too."

"Other stuff? Like a ceremony?"

"No, other stuff like sex."

"Oh.."

"Yeah. I mean....I'm not sure of the specifics because...ya know....only been with an omega BUT....sex might be like....a part of the package, you know? We'd have to consult someone to know for sure-"

"I don't know what else to do, O," she shakes her head. "But I'm so scared that if I don't do something, I'm gonna lose her."

"We'll figure something out, Clarke. Don't go doing anything stupid."

"Like what you and Lincoln did?" Clarke argues. "You didn't think it was stupid then..."

"Lincoln and I were in a serious committed relationship and we had talked about this prior to it happening. We just didn't plan it," O makes her point. "YOU TWO aren't even a real....'thing' and you're over here talking about claiming bites. Clarke, you're not ready to have sex-"

"I.....I might be. You don't know.."

"I _do_ know because you dated my brother for half a year, remember? And you never even let him put his hand in your panties-"

"That was different!" the blonde announces in her defense. "I always felt like......" she pauses, "Like he _expected_ it from me. I was always worried about what he was going to say to his friends about me. Finn told Raven all the things he said about Echo when they did it.."

"Oh yeah, I heard about that.." Octavia hums.

"Yeah, see??! Plus, I always felt like he was comparing me. Like he was sizing me and my body up against other people he'd be with. I don't know if you know this but...your brother is kind of a man-whore."

"Well yeah but..... _you_ dated him. And...how are you gonna feel with Lexa??" her friend asks. "Linc told me she's done it before..."

"He told you that? What else did he say?? Did she tell him anything else??"

"Down kitty," O giggles. "Jesus, you're seriously freaking out about this. Look, just ask Lex about it yourself. I'm sure she'll tell you. Or better yet.....just be honest and tell her that you haven't-"

"Haven't what??" a voice cuts into their moment and both girls look to see Bellamy walking up the length of the dock.

"Morning beautiful," he directs to Clarke, turning to his sister. "Hey sis-"

"What are you doing here?" Octavia asks, dismissing his greeting.

"I came to talk to Clarke," the boys smiles. "Didn't think you'd be here, though. I figured you'd be with that bottom-feeder of yours."

"As a matter of fact, I was just about to leave to go see that 'bottom-feeder'. I have something warm for him to feed on-"

"Shut your mouth!" Bellamy orders.

"Maybe I'll ask Lincoln to shut it for me," Octavia replies with a smirk.

"Why are you here?" Clarke interrupts them. "Is there something you needed?"

"I was hoping to talk to you," the boy tries again.

"Yeah you said that before," his twin interjects.

"I thought maybe we could....go upstairs and talk. Like we used to.."

"You can talk right here," his sister shuts him down again.

"I just wanted to apologize!" he fusses at her before looking back at the blonde. "Jesus. I'm sorry, okay. I miss you, Clarke.."

He pulls her in for a hug, pushing his lips against her neck before she shoves him off.

"Stop, Bel," Clarke tells him. "It's over. Alright? We're over. I told you that before. I accept your apology on my behalf because....I know you're an ass. And I love you,anyway. But not like that."

"Not yet anyway-" he mutters

" _ **And**_ you still owe Lexa an apology as well, and you and I can't be cool until you deliver that apology to her face."

"You want me to go to the glades just to say I'm sorry to her??"

"You could do it at school," the blonde offers.

"Fine," he concedes, throwing his hands up and walking back towards his truck. "I'll be a big boy and tell her I'm sorry. But don't be expecting us to 'kiss and makeup'.."

 _Touch her and I'll murder you_ , Clarke grumbles in her head. 

<\---<< | >>\--->

This dream is vivid. A hundred times more vivid than any that she's ever had, even recently. She can smell the honey and jasmine of the blonde's shampoo, the light citrus smell of her body soap. It wasn't a new scent, but it was stronger. So much stronger. Like it was burned into her sensory memory, clouding her mind from picking up on anything else. She could hear the girl's heart beat - slow and steady, and then a gentle race, before she relaxes again. She can practically feel the fabric of the girl's shirt between her fingers as she lifts it over her head, lowering her mouth to adorn the pale flesh with kisses. She could kiss that skin forever.

And then there are hands on her, fingers in her hair and she nuzzles her face against the blonde's chest. ' _Lexa_ ,' she hears her say, her breath hitching as Lexa nips at soft and supple mounds where they poke out from the top of her bra. It feels so real when Clarke's hand slides down, cupping her through her boxer briefs. Her hips jerk, her dick jumping with excitement at the contact. ' _You're so sexy_ ,' that husky voice tells her. She starts to rock her lower body forward, a piston-like movement as the girl's hand wraps around her shaft, working up and down the length of it which each roll of her hips. She hears a whimper and then, as if my magic, Clarke is naked under her - blue eyes fluttering as her mouth falls open. Lexa thrusts and her wolf preens as Clarke's face scrunches up and then relaxes, enjoying the feel. She pumps harder - faster - feeling her groin burning and tightening, her toes curling as she feels herself getting close to the edge.

"Lex," the same voice says, only this time it's closer, if that's even possible.

She'd been so close anyway and then Clarke was-- _Wait?? Clarke is here??_ Her brow furrows and her eyes squint, straining to open. She feels a hand on her back, alternating between rubbing and scratching. The same hand leaves her back and travels to her hair, tucking a wild curl behind her ear, palm coming to rest on her cheek and jaw. _Fuck_ , Lexa panics. _Was I humping her bed?? Did she see me??_

"Baby," she can hear Clarke whisper, lips tickling her ear. "Let me see those pretty green eyes."

She feels her dick twitch, stuck between her body and the mattress of Clarke's bed. She tries to open her eyes and focus her vision enough to at least access what time of day it is. It's still daylight, she can tell that. But how late in the day? Does she have enough time to get back to the glades before dark?? _I can't shift here_ , she tells herself. _I can't let Clarke see that. It's bad enough I had to have Lincoln help me strip-OH shit,_ she remembers the blonde on the bed beside her, _Focus Lexa!_

"Clarke...?" she breathes out.

"Hey," the blonde greets her with a kiss to her pouty lips. "I hate to wake you but.....I wanted to talk. Do you mind if I cuddle with you?"

"Mmm," she murmurs, nodding and giving not nearly enough thought to the boner she's sporting.

"Can I be the big spoon?"

"Mhmmmm, please.."

The absence of Clarke's weight is only momentary, returning again behind her as the blonde crawls under the covers, using one arm to turn the brunette on her side, securing her body up against Lexa's back. It occurs to Lexa in that moment that the sensation of Clarke arm against her is different - the feel of skin to skin contact jerking her out of her sleepy state. She's not wearing a shirt or a sports bra - shorts either. _When did I take my clothes off?_ she ponders. _Is Clarke looking at--_ She doesn't think on it long as Clarke's arm shifts again, her hand running up Lexa's sternum and splaying over her chest where her heart pounds against its cage. 

"You feeling better?" Clarke whispers, mouth moving over the muscles of her back. "I'm really worried about you being out there again tonight."

"I'll be okay. I'm not scared, Clarke."

"You never are," she replies, kissing a rather large scar on Lexa's back.

Lexa squirms a bit, remembering that this is what she was trying to avoid. The scars, big and small, littered across her back from Nia's abuse. She hates them but they've never been a big issue until now. Tris had seem them but they weren't exactly showcased in her photos. Kane had seen them, but he never mentioned them to her, probably afraid it would make her even more self conscious. The clinics and the hospitals had seen them, taken their pictures to chart, too. Thankfully, Harper hadn't gotten a good look at them during the brief dalliance they'd had. But now they were on fully display to the one person she hadn't planned on ever showing. She had always tried to be so strong in front of Clarke - so brave and fearless. She hated the thought that these etchings across the canvas of her back made her look weak. She didn't want Clarke's pity. She didn't want anyone's , really.

"I think I'm becoming addicted to the taste of your skin," Clarke husks against her shoulder and Lexa's glad she doesn't mention the marks. "I think your body might be my favorite place to put my lips."

Lexa's wolf purrs at her words. The brunette can't help turning over to bury her nose in the blonde's neck. She takes a breath and then pulls back. Clarke smells different. She smells.......like something or someone else. Lexa can't make out the scent but she doesn't like it. Not at all. She can feel the anger boiling up, slowly, with every huff of air she takes in. Until it explodes.

"Where have you been?" Lexa growls.

"I was outside....at the dock....with Octavia," Clarke answers, shocked at the girl's sudden shift. "I was letting you sleep. You looked so tired-"

"With O and who else??" the brunette cringes as she hears the accusation escape. _Why the fuck are you acting like this?_

"Just O," the blonde says softly. "I mean...Bellamy came up but he left-"

"You smell like him.."

"I'm sorry..." Clarke frowns. "He hugged me.."

"I don't like it." Lexa says coldly.

Clarke sits up to leave the bed, turning away from her when Lexa growls again, grabbing her and holding on. She sees Clarke's watery blue eyes as her head whips around and she has to catch herself, make herself be kinder....gentler. _You're scaring her again, Lexa. Stop doing that!_

"Take it off," she whispers, moving her hands to the bottom of Clarke's shirt.

"My shirt?" the blonde questions her, brows shooting up in confusion.

"Your clothes," Lexa replies, quickly recovering to add, "His smell is......it's on them. Lincoln says it stays in clothes longer than on skin..."

"Lex, I...."

"I w-won't look," she stutters. "I mean...I'll close my eyes until your covered.."

"It's not...it's not that. I just....I'm on my period and--I mean, I don't wanna gross you out or anything-"

"I don't care," the brunette shakes her. "I just.......I don't want you to smell like him."

"Okay," Clarke agrees. "But under one condition."

"What is it?"

"I want you to mark me. I want your bite..."

......

.........

"W-What??" 

  



	10. Unsteady

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Brief mention of rape and murder. Nothing explicit, though.

"I want you to bite me," Clarke repeats. "Like you-Like an alpha would bite an omega.."

"Clarke, I....I don't know what I'm doing," Lexa admits, backtracking so Clarke won't make fun of her for being inexperienced. "I mean...with this wolf stuff. They didn't exactly give me a guide or like....a 'how to' for any of it and-"

"Just bite me, Lex," the blonde asserts. "You did it before-"

"I wasn't thinking then-"

"And now that you are you don't want to?" the girl asks, sounding offended.

"That's not it, Clarke. I just...I should have asked before I-"

"Okay but I'm giving you permission now. Bite me."

"Clarke it's not that simple," Lexa tries to explain, mid-way between aroused at the blonde's request and yet growing agitated by the still-lingering smell of the boy that keeps reappearing, reminding her of what she can't have.

"It seems simple to me," the blonde states. "Just...do it. Let your wolf take over and bite me. Yesterday, I saw-"

"I know what you saw, Clarke. I know I was....aggressive yesterday, and I'm sorry if I scared you. The other day when I bit you, I never meant to--what I mean is....I would never want to hurt you."

"Lexa I know that," she says, placing her hand over the brunette's arm. "Hey, what's wrong? You were fine just a minute ago and now-"

"I should go," the girl tries, avoiding looking at Clarke. "I really need to talk to Lincoln."

Clarke stands up with an indiscernible expression written across her face. "What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing."

"You're lying. Tell me what's going on. Is it because I asked you to b-bite me?"

"I can't do it anymore," Lexa sighs, shaking her head.

"Can't do what?? What are you talking about??"

" _This_. I can't do this anymore. I can't kiss you and things like that and-"

"What the fuck are you-- **No!** Absolutely fucking not! You don't get to just _decide_ that! Lexa what is going on??" Clarke begs, her hands flying up to meet the straining muscles of Lexa's jaw, tightening to keep from showing any emotion. "Talk to me. Tell me what I can do-"

"I can't," the brunette stops her, reeling as she catches another whiff of Bellamy on the girl's skin. "No, I _won't_ continue being your....your.....undercover lover, Clarke. I'm sorry. Whatever's going on with you and Blake-"

"Lex, you don't understand-"

"NO! Actually....I do," Lexa presses. "You love him. I heard you tell him the day I was here and he showed up. I get it, okay? What we've been doing is fun and....I can see why-why you might think you want me to bite you but....I can't do it. You can't be with him - you can't....work things out with him - and still keep doing this with me Clarke. You don't even know what it means for.....for me to bite you. You don't even realize the implications of it.."

"So tell me, Lex. Tell me what I'm missing-"

"I don't know either!! I just told you that!! All of this is new to me and I.....I feel so fucking lost!"

Lexa can't steady herself, can't catch her breath. She feels herself panting - feels the pounding of her heart. The smell of Bellamy's cologne (she's guessing, though it could just be his sweat) is nagging her and her brain can't stop creating moving pictures of how it got there - of Bellamy's arms around Clarke, of his hands running over her body, of his lips--

"Lex?? Baby, you're shaking..."

The familiar pain in the roof of her mouth hits, the same ache in her ribs as her hands start to burn. _No_ , she begs the spirits. _This can't happen here! The moon's not even--I have to go! I can't do this here!_

"I have to go!" she says, jumping up from the bed, grabbing the clothes she'd thrown off in her sleep.

"Wait, let me drive you..," Clarke offers but Lexa denies her request.

"No," she rushes through the house and out the door, still working to get the shirt over her head. "I....I just need to be alone. I need some time to think."

"Please be careful, Lex!" she faintly hears the blonde yell at her as she starts a bare-foot sprint across the wooded area of the Griffin's property.

_Just make it past the city limit, Lexa. Make it past the line and you can let go!_

<\---<< | >>\--->

Clarke slumps down in the passenger seat as Octavia drives them out to a part of the marshlands that she's not familiar with. Her mood had been killed the moment Lexa practically flew out her front door to get away from her. She didn't get it. One minute, Lexa had been practically putty in her hands and the next.......she was evasive and mildly hostile. Why did Lexa think that she was trying to work things out with Bellamy? And why had Lexa focused so hard on her telling Bel that she loved him?? She had, obviously, but she'd also told him in the same breath that she couldn't lie to him anymore and pretend that she was happy with him. She explained to him that she loved him but that it wasn't the kind of love he so desperately wanted it to be. It wasn't the same thing she felt for Lexa. It would never be. 

But Lexa apparently didn't know that. Could she really not have heard that part, too? Lexa seemed so blatantly unaware of Clarke's dive - so casually ignorant of the blonde's free-fall into a love that made her heart break to see the other girl like that. Why couldn't she see it? Clarke thought she was being pretty open about her feelings. Sure, she didn't overcrowd her while they were at school. They hadn't exactly talked about PDA and how Lexa felt about it, so Clarke had tried not to push, hoping the brunette would take the lead and show her what she wanted. But Clarke had initiated everything else, basically. Hell, she'd asked the girl to claim her for fuck's sake. Didn't that count for something??

"Are you sure you're ready for this??" O asked. "What if you don't like the answers you get?"

It wasn't about liking the answers. It was about needing the truth - needing to be prepared and needing to know how to handle this. How to handle Lexa....or the wolf. She wasn't sure if right now they weren't one and the same.

"I have to do this, O," she replies quietly. "I have to know what is happening to her.....and what I'm doing wrong.."

She'd called O the minute Lexa had left, holding back tears as she recounted the story. After Octavia scolded her for trying to get Lexa to bite her, she mentioned a friend of hers that might be able to help Clarke understand what it meant to be with an Alpha and help her decide if that was really what she wanted. Clarke had jumped at the opportunity, telling her friend to come get her and take her to see this girl immediately. She had to know before anything else happened. She needed to know what to expect.

"I don't think you're doing anything wrong, Clarke. She's just......on edge right now."

"I just want to understand things O. And I want her to understand. I just want her to know that I'm here.."

"I know you do. And she feels it," the girl assures her. "She does. But the wolf makes her moody. Irritable."

"How well do you know this girl, O? Are you sure she'll help me?"

"I met her when I was with Lincoln and some of his friends once during one of their runs. We kept in contact because she's pretty cool and she's been with her Alpha for like...8 years or something."

"And she's human?"

"Yep," her friend says, popping the P. "We're two of the only 3 human mates involved in the pack, so we stick together. The other mate is a guy and he's with a Beta. His name's Nate and his mate is Artigas - Arti for short. They're both really chill, actually."

"What's this girl's name, again?"

"Luna. Her alpha's name is Niylah," Octavia says. "Niylah probably won't be there right now but if she is, don't make eye contact. It's a show of aggression and it's also seen as an invitation.."

"An invitation??"

"It's not as pleasant as it sounds. Trust me. It's more of a challenge. Something two alphas do to see who's on top. _Literally._ Alphas will sometimes challenge other alphas to assert dominance. Part of that challenge, depending on how far they let it go, is for the stronger alpha to basically _force_ the weaker one to submit. And then.........they rape them. Fucked up, but, once you issue the challenge, there's nothing to stop the other alpha from doing whatever they want with you if they prove themselves stronger..."

"Holy fuck, that's brutal."

"It is, that's why it rarely happens in the pack setting. Outside of it, maybe, but in the pack....nobody wants to be made to look unfit. That's how they see it. If you let yourself get dominated like that, as an alpha, you're unfit to be one. It's dumb but...that's alpha mentality. So, they avoid it. It's different if you're friends, ya know? You can pretty much act however, but when you're just meeting someone.....avoid doing that."

"Noted," the blonde says, shaking off the mental image as Octavia pulls up in front of a small cabin.

"We're here," she says, putting the car in park and shutting off the engine. "Just a warning, not that I think you'll try to do this, but no hugs. Handshakes only. If Niylah smells your scent on her, it could cause problems. Worse if she smells any of Lexa's scent that may have rubbed off on you and then gets transferred onto Luna.."

"Shit, I didn't even think about that." Clarke hesitates. "Are you sure this is okay? What if....what if she doesn't want to talk to me?"

"Clarke I'm telling you....she's cool and she'll be happy to help in any way she can. This kinda stuff is just behavioral things I've learned being with Lincoln and hanging with all his friends. You'll get the hang of it, Clarke. I promise. You ready?"

"Okay.." she finally gives in. "Let's go.."

As it happens, Niylah is home and just walking into the house makes Clarke feel uncomfortable being there. The alpha stalks from room to room, aimlessly it seems, moving books from one place to another. At first one would think maybe the pair are rearranging their house, but it becomes very evident by the look on Luna's face that this is not the case. She seems worried, not sure what to say to explain her mate's current rampage. She offers a quick apology, stating that it had been a long night and that the pack was on alert this morning. Clarke wonders if it has anything to do with the attack on that little girl, or maybe Lexa, but she knows better than to mention it. Luna invites them to sit and they do, but Niylah emerges shortly after, snarling a quick 'bye' and exiting through the front door as her mate watches nervously.

"She's a little stressed right now," Luna offers. "Titus has everyone in a tizzy about something that happened last night..."

"Last night?" Octavia ventures. "What happened last night?"

"I don't know exactly but it's created quite a scramble within the ranks, I can tell you that. 3 separate groups have showed up here this morning and she got more and more agitated after each one."

"Was someone hurt?" Clarke hears her friend ask, and she couldn't have asked a better question herself.

"Details are still kinda sketchy but from what I gathered this is more a preemptive measure. They're just trying to be prepared, I guess. But one of the guys reported back to Niylah that he'd seen something last night during his run on the north side. Near the territory lines.."

"That close to town??" O seems shaken by the information. "What did he see? Another wolf or...?"

"That's what he said," she nods, biting her bottom lip between her teeth. "But something about the wolf wasn't right, I guess. Niylah didn't say much to me about it. Council business, I guess. She's on her way to a meeting right now, actually.."

"Oh......Umm....wow."

"Yeah, let's not worry about that right now. What brings you ladies here today?"

"Clarke's got some questions about being with an alpha. I told her that you might be able to shed some light on that.."

"You got yourself an alpha?" Luna asks her.

"I...I guess so," Clarke shrugs. "I don't know for sure but....I wanna be prepared I guess.."

"Oh," the girl nods understandingly. "So you've got yourself a pup, then. That's the term we use for newbies."

"Yeah I guess that's what you'd call her then," the blonde laughs lightly. "This is her first...moon or whatever."

"I remember when Niylah presented," Luna says with an chuckle. "We'd been together for 2 years already and she just springs this shit on me one day like.. _'oh hey....just thought I'd warn you, I'm a closet werewolf'_. Was Lincoln the same?"

"He'd already presented when he and I got involved this way," Octavia replies. "But we'd been friends for years. I knew something was different about him. I think I always kind of felt it."

"Sappy little shit," Luna teases.

"So what your mate's name?" she says looking at Clarke.

"Uhhmmm....well we're not exactly...."

"Lexa," O giggles, rubbing Clarke's shoulder. "Her pup's name is Lexa. Neck-check, Lun -- no bite.."

"Not for lack of trying," Clarke mumbles under her breath.

"Oh....Lincoln's cousin?" the other girl queries, receiving nods from the other two. "I remember him mentioning something about her a couple weeks ago. He mentioned that she'd just moved back and they were concerned about how to explain everything to her. How's she doing with all that?"

"She's.......learning," Clarke notices her best friend choosing her words carefully. "She's been a little irritable. Got a little fussy this morning with Clarkey here. Kinda stormed out..."

"Oh," Luna's eyes find Clarke's again. "What did you fight about? If you don't mind me asking..."

"She--She thinks I'm getting back with my ex.." the blonde states, leaving out the claim-bite part of the conversation. "She was fine one minute, letting me kiss her and hold her. And then....the next minute she was....angry and telling me she couldn't do it anymore, accusing me of things-"

"She probably smelled Bell on you," O muses, noting to Luna, "My dickhead brother, by the way. And Clarkey's ex.."

"Sounds like a typical Alpha," Luna affirms. "Jealousy. It's not exclusively an alpha trait but it might as well be."

"But I haven't given her any reason to feel that way," Clarke fights. "I don't understand how she just flipped the switch like that."

"Alphas don't need a reason," the other girl remarks. "If she thinks of you as hers, she doesn't need anything other than a tiny little inkling of a feeling, anything from a look…to the way you smile at someone. The wolf will constantly make her feel insecure."

"Why??"

"It's just the way their mentality is. Nature," Luna surmises. "Consider this Helpful Hint #1: Alphas crave affection even though they put on this hard and proud exterior. They live for praise and for an omega, that's easy, because they live to serve and dote on their Alpha. But for humans....we don't necessarily always think about it. We appreciate them and we tell them....but it's not the same sometimes. They need that extra little bit of loving."

"I’ve been doing that, though," she explains. "I was kissing her and rubbing her back - asking if she felt okay and if there was anything I-"

"Mm, Hint #2, never make your alpha feel like they're weak or can't handle something. If another Alpha were to try and make them feel that way, they'd respond with violence. A challenge. That's how they prove themselves. Like gladiators. But with their mates, with someone they care about, they can't do that. They can't just.....duke it out with you to prove their strength and prowess. Questioning them like that puts them in a place of having to choose: they either show you by force and risk hurting you, or they stay quiet and risk feeling inadequate. It knocks them off their footing and they start feeling like they're losing control. They hate to lose control. It makes them act out."

"They're basically children that wanna believe they're superheros and they don't like being reminded that they're not," O adds, making Luna laugh.

"So it’s my fault because I worry about her?"

"Not placing blame here, just giving you notes from my experience. You can worry," Luna says, "But you have to continue to support them and make them feel.....big and bad. You can smother them with love and cuddle them, but you have to make them feel like it's more for you than it is for them. You have to make them feel like YOU crave THEM, not the other way around. They won't ask for it. Way too proud for that. You gotta be really intuitive and sense when they need it. A lot of times, that jealous routine is just them not being able to handle the 'feels' ya know? If she starts going all 'huff and puff', just come up behind her, wrap your arms around, and tell her you need her. Works like a charm. Alphas need to feel needed."

"Oh. Okay I can do that. Is there anything else?"

"Sure. Consider this Hint # 3 - Talk to her. Kinda goes with what I just told you but...with a little more explaination. Alpha's aren't very verbal, especially about their feelings, but they need that from their mates," the girl instructs. "Tell her how strong and brave she is. Tell her how safe and protected she makes you feel, how much you miss her when she's not there."

"Okay. That makes sense. Seems easy enough, too.."

"I'm guessing you haven't been intimate yet?"

"No," Clarke confesses, her cheeks flushing red. "We've been close....like making out and her grinding against me. I like that. A lot. But it's never gone any further than that. I wasn't--I'm still not sure I'm ready for more..."

"That's perfectly fine," Luna encourages, "But you might wanna include some sexy talk, too. Like when you're kissing or she's touching you, tell her how much you're enjoying it. Tell her how wet you are and how it's only her than can get you like that. Alpha's love hearing that shit. They love hearing how big they feel or how hard they are against you."

"Oh my God," the blonde throws her hands over her face to hide her red cheeks. "The only time I talk like that is when I'm drunk! Especially in front of her..."

"You're gonna have to get over that. If the idea of talking about sex embarrasses you, you're not ready to be with an alpha. They are very sexual beings and they need someone who can keep up with them."

"Okay but....I just told you I'm not ready for that."

"I'm sorry, I guess I got the impression that you were saying you were not ready for 'sex' with her. And that's okay. It's actually really responsible, but you're gonna have to learn how to talk to her in a way that makes her feel sexy. You understand?? Like I said, all Alpha's have a praise kink. Even if it hasn't come up yet, with the moon going into full effect tonight, trust me when I say she's gonna be needy."

"This is all.......I mean.... _we're_ just getting to know each other this way," Clarke says, looking down. "I feel like I didn't even get a chance to talk to her about how she felt about me and now......now _this_."

"Okay sweetie, I'm going to tell you as bluntly as I can -- this isn't easy and there are going to be times when you're going to cry because you feel like you don't know what to do. We've all been there. But the main thing to remember is.....when you're feeling like that.....the best thing you can do is tell her. An Alpha has this need ingrained in them to make sure their mate is okay. She's gonna do whatever she can to make sure you're comfortable.."

"But everyone keeps telling me they're so aggressive.."

"Oh they are. I won't lie, they're very aggressive and they get uber handsy, especially when they're jealous. They can be very domineering, in private and in public. So be mindful of that. When you're with an alpha, you have to think about things like....who you're talking to, what messages your body language is sending, what kind of contact you have with them like....hugs or a kiss on the cheek. Anything like that rubs their scent onto you, even if their human. Your Alpha will smell that and that, to them, is like you cheating. Wearing someone else's scent is a slap in their face. Humans.....wolves....it doesn't matter to an Alpha. What's theirs is theirs, and they'd rather destroy it than have to share."

"I.............I don't think I understand."

"There's another alpha in the group that just got out of prison a year ago for killing his wife," Octavia tells her. "She was human and he caught her cheating. He lost it. Went crazy and killed her, on the spot. He's as nice as can be, when you meet him. He's never made me feel uncomfortable, never disrespected me or Lincoln. But to this day, if he sees a girl that looks like her, it makes him bare his teeth and growl. He's doesn't mean them any harm he just......it hurts still. That shit is....so strong, you know? Even now that she's gone, his wolf still can't let it rest."

"That's really scary," Clarke admits. "What if Lexa gets upset with me....could she---?"

"It could happen," the older girl says, "I'm not gonna sugarcoat it for you. But you know what you do to bypass that?"

"What?"

"Cry," Luna says. "It doesn't matter if they're in their fully human state or if they're wolf'd out with their eyes justa shining at you. If you're arguing and she gets too aggressive, cry. Even if you hate being needy or weak, you better make yourself cry. Because alpha's are programmed to respond to an omega's whine. Shuts that 'big, bad wolf' shit down so fucking quick.."

"God I hate that I'm having to compete with....an omega or like....the image of an omega.."

"You're not competing with an omega Clarke. You couldn't if you tried. Biologically they will ALWAYS respond to an omega. They can't control the way their wolf craves it. And that's something you just have to accept, as painful a truth as it may be. What you're doing is emulating their behavior when you're with your Alpha. Do what I've told you and you're golden, because that's what omegas do. They stroke their alphas pride and their cock at the same time."

"Okay...."

"Here's Hint #4 for you," Luna continues, "You'll never see an Alpha more vulnerable than right before an orgasm, just after one, and the 5 or 6 seconds right after they hear you say you love them. Even when they sleep they're on alert, but at those times, all their defenses are down and their wolf is content. The wolf, regardless of whether you can see it or not, has a ridiculous amount of control over their behavior. That being said, here's Hint #5 - the wolf's needs are basic. Food, rest, play, and praise. If you're asking how to secure a happy future with her, keep that in mind. Feed her, help her relax, fuck her, and make her feel loved. I'm not saying you need to rush things, especially not the sex, I'm just letting you know what you're getting into. It may seem like I'm telling you that you're whole world is gonna revolve around making them feel good, but trust me.....if you take care of your Alpha, your Alpha will take care of you ten fold."

"Can I ask you.....about.....sex?"

"If you want to..."

"Are they....rough?" Clarke tries not to sound stupid or immature about it.

"Alright, my turn to ask you a question," Luna stops her. "Have you ever had sex? With anyone - male or female. And when I say sex, I mean _penetrative_ sex.. "

"Ummm......no.."

"Oh boy," the girl sighs, "Okay well...I'd recommend using a small toy to begin with. When and if you do feel comfortable moving forward, that is. Her nature is gonna make her movements really frantic and if you get something too big, it could tear you if you're not careful. Get one of those harnesses that has like....3 different sized O-rings so you can kind of....work your way up in the toy department."

This statement gives Clarke pause. She doesn't exactly have the option to just pick a smaller size. Granted, she's never seen Lexa naked but....what she's felt was....definitely not small.

"Ummm....ok but," she starts to try and ask the question, her throat threatening to close on her. "What if.....like.....we don't use toys?"

"Well fingers shouldn't be too bad," Luna shrugs. “I'd watch out for her nails-“

"No I....what I mean is-"

"Lex came ' _all accessories included_ '," Octavia explains oh so colorfully, as only she can.

"Oh," Luna's eyes widen. "Well that changes things considerably. Okay soooooo....I don't have a ton of experience in that area but.....Niylah and I _do_ have a toy that is supposed to simulate an alpha's cock. It's knot-"

"Not what??" Clarke asks.

"No, not _NOT_ , I mean...K.N.O.T...not--Alright, listen to me very carefully and hear me when I say this: You're gonna want **lots** of lube..."

<\---<< | >>\--->

Lincoln listens as the council carries on their discussion with the newly arrived omega elder, Tamar. The scout that had reported back to the council couldn't possibly have had a front row seat for Lexa's shift. Lincoln would have seen them - even in the dark. Neither Lincoln nor his dad knew exactly what details had been taken back to the council or if the scout had witnessed everything in it's entirety. Had they seen everything Lincoln had? Double incisors on top and bottom where most wolves only have single. Her coat was thick and black and seemed to blend with the night sky. Most wolves he knew had deep gray or brown, possibly red or a creamy off-white with gray patches. But never black. Never PURE black.

Lincoln wondered if the scout had also mentioned the most obvious difference about her features (even taking into account the color of her coat) -- her eyes. Usually the color of your eyes signified your dynamic. Red for Alpha, Yellow for Beta, and Blue for Omega. He'd seen green eyes once, finding out later that the color belonged to Gamma's which actually weren't really a dynamic at all so much as a sexuality. Or lack there-of. Gammas were essentially Betas, the only difference being that while Betas would pair-bond and mate, Gammas were asexual and their pair-bonds were by bite only. Why their eyes were different from regular Betas, no one really knew, but it was helpful in a way that nature had come up with a way to distinguish them. That crazy, confetti-speckled white, though?? That was new. And for the pack, new meant dangerous.

"What you have here is either one of two things. A Delta," she says, "Is rare, especially so young. Delta's are one of the closest beasts in appearance to the original Wodapak natives. Their coats are a deep gray serving to help keep them hidden in the darkness."

"But where do they belong in the pack, sister?" one of the elders, Faron, interrupts her. "Are they before Betas or between them and omegas??"

"Neither," the woman corrects. "Deltas are not part of the pack. They are lone wolves and do not assimilate as other wolves do. They are often mistaken for Alphas by scent alone. If you did not personally know them or perhaps had not seen them shift, you would not see a difference. Their wolves are very attuned in ways that others are not. Increased sense of smell, of sight, hearing, taste, and touch - they need all of this to be able to survive without a pack. They are also very strong, stronger than some alphas, and more threatening, too."

"More threatening than an Alpha?" Giselle, the only omega council member questions. "How are we supposed to believe that? Alphas have always been on top-"

"Even alphas are affected by another alpha's pheromones," Tamar tells them. "If a stronger alpha pumps out enough pheromones, an alpha will submit. Bitterly, _but_ also naturally. It's the only way to make the assault stop. Delta's do not cower. Even to appease an overly aggressive alpha. A true delta would rather meet their fate standing than live a life on their knees."

"A true delta?? What is the difference?" Lincoln hears his father ask.

"There are wolves who force isolation on themselves," the woman defines. "They claim themselves to be deltas but the Trimani word for them is 'splita' - outsider. Most either die or eventually rejoin the pack after they see how hard it is without one. A true delta is naturally on their own. Survival is what comes naturally to them. They are more selfish than even an alpha because they don't feel a need to look after anyone other than themselves."

Lincoln nudges his father gently, whispering into his ear, "That's not Lexa, Dad."

Layton hushes him quickly, flashing a red glow to keep him in check - a glow that says, ' _Don't embarrass me here, boy._ '

"What dynamic would you suggest pairing her with, then? Which would suit a delta best?" Titus, the council's Lead Alpha inquires, causing the elderly omega to cackle in response.

"None," she corrected them. "If she is in fact a delta, they do not pair-bond. They do mate, in terms of filling a physical need, but they do not have 'a mate' are non-monogamous in any relations they do pursue. Things have changed from when I was a pup. 'Mates' have become sort of a social construct in a lot of ways - something that the pack has long been meddling in to ensure the possible continuation of our kind. We rarely allow for nature to take it's course anymore, and that may work out in most cases but...we have to know when to hold back. To try and push a delta to take a mate would end in disaster. Deltas, though they are comparable in many ways to alphas, do not have the same protective instinct or the same drive to fulfill their mate's needs. In the same way that they aren't affected by an alpha's phermones, they're not affected by an omega's either. They don't experience the same rut an omega's heat my trigger in an alpha. They will breed, as I said, and it's not uncommon for a delta to have offspring, but they don't form the same attachment that any other wolf might to their young. In fact, female deltas have been known to deliberately abort their pregnancies."

"So you're saying they would never claim another wolf....or a human for that matter?" Lincoln speaks without thinking, desperate to prove that Lexa is not the creature they're describing.

"That is a good question, actually," Tamar hums in satisfaction. "While deltas do not associate with wolf packs, they have been known to form.......'unconventional' attachments. To humans. Think of it like.....'man's best friend'. It's rare but....it has happened. We know very little about the bond and how deep it goes, but, they've been observed to be extremely loyal to their human counterpart, and protective beyond belief. The same way that an alpha would be jealous about another alpha moving in on their omega....I've seen a delta react to the same feeling for their human, only amplified. We're not sure what makes them form the bond with the human when they don't with another wolf, but....to answer your question....Yes, a delta could, in fact, stake a claim. It's not completely unheard of. "

"And you're sure that she's a delta??" he asks.

"No," the omega replies. "I am saying it is a possibility. As I mentioned before, she could be one of two beasts. A delta is very close in relation to an amin-alpha. Amin is the old Trigedasleng word for 'master' and it signifies the power of this alpha above all others. They are even more rare than deltas, and have been referred to as 'Heda' amongst our kind. I have only known of one other 'Heda' in my lifetime but have heard tell of 2 that died prior to my birth. Their affect on a pack would be.....significant. As I'm sure you're aware, each pack or clan has a council and 1 lead-alpha who sits atop that council and oversees. The 'Heda' would supersede them -- all of them."

"That is ridiculous," Titus grumbles. "I have never heard of such. The lead-alpha is always in charge. That is how it has always been, sister."

"How would you tell them apart?" Layton begs the question. "Are there physical characteristics that would determine a delta from....the 'Heda'??"

"Oh yes, the amin-alpha would most certainly set itself apart from every other wolf you've encountered thus far. 'Heda's' coat is jet black, creating a very jarring contrast with their eyes. Their eyes, unlike a deltas which glow an electric magenta, will appear white at first but when the moon light hits them, you'll see an array of colors raging inside them. Their pheromones would be strong - very strong. Enough to effect any other wolf within a 10 mile radius, and reportedly even humans. If she's only just presenting, she won't have control over it and it will be probably be overpowering to any wolf near her when she shifts. It may make them sluggish or disoriented, unable to think clearly, and possibly affect their motor functions making them uncoordinated and slower than usual. Pay close attention to her snarl and you may see another unique difference. A delta will have single incisors, as would a common alpha, beta, or omega. But 'Heda' will have double incisors to demonstrate dominance. 'Heda' is also the only wolf whose bite alone can trigger the curse in an otherwise dormant wolf or, perhaps, a human. But the latter is speculation only and has yet to be confirmed."

"They are still an alpha though, behaviorally, like any other," Titus' voice carries throughout the room. "Which means they pair-bond, correct? We already have an omega starting her heat who is ready and willing to be claimed. Is it your recommendation that we hold her back until the next moon or should we go on with the plan already in place?"

"Simply put, brother, while the one I knew personally as well as those I heard about did pair-bond, they were observed to be.....picky, when it comes to their mate. You can put your omega out into that swamp but I cannot guarantee this girl will take the bait. Amin-alphas are resistant to an omega's heat, focusing instead on other qualities that attract them. They will bed an omega in heat, just as any alpha would, but claiming them as their mate is another story entirely. This type of alpha is extremely virile, and if it had been a male, you would be almost guaranteed to end up with a pregnant omega. I suppose we should thank the spirits for small miracles, in case she does bed this omega without claiming her.."

"Would they claim a human, though?" Lincoln yells out before anyone else can speak up. "I mean....if she were 'Heda'...like you say.....could she try and claim a human or--?"

"There is no _try_ , young wolf," Tamar eyes him, "The only saving grace right now if she is such an alpha is that she probably has no idea and therefore doesn't realize the kind of strength she holds. However, once she puts it together - and she will - with the kind of power 'Heda' possesses, she could take whatever she desires from whomever she desires. And there is not a single thing you or I or anyone in this room could do to stop her."

  



	11. Ready Aim

"Damnit!" Clarke yells into the darkening sky around them.

"Don't worry," Octavia tries to ease her frustrations. "I'm calling Raven. She'll have us up and runnin' in no time."

"He should have just let her fix it in the first place," the blonde mutters. "But no, he had to be all 'machismo' and 'I got this, babe'.."

Her friend smirks and leans back onto the hood of the old Bronco, shaking her head and tilting her head back to let out a sigh.

"Well, you know Bel. He needs to feel useful.." she offers with a laugh as she waits for their friend to answer. "Should we call your parents?"

"No," Clarke shakes her head. "It won't do any good - they'll just worry and rush out here and by the time they get here, we'll be all done and headed home, anyways."

"You're right," O yields. "I sent a text to Linc but he said he's busy in a council meeting. I told him I'd call Rae but.....she's not answering-"

"It's getting darker, O," the blonde notes. "We gotta get outta here soon."

"If I could fix it myself I would, C, but you know 'mechanics' is Rae's thing. I mean....I can fight off anyone or anything that tries to come at us, but we'll still be stuck here.."

"Call Thalia," Clarke suggests. "Maybe Rae's just not by her-"

The girl's voice is cut-off by a loud howl into the night air - not a cry of anguish, but a challenge. An order to respond. All around them, the echos of softer howls fill the silence among the trees. Octavia listens to the ringing on the other end of her phone and prays for Raven's mom to answer quickly. She doesn't and the brunette is forced to leave a plea of desperation in the form of a voicemail begging Raven or whoever listened to the message to call back. As her friend tries in earnest to describe how far out they are, Clarke peaks out into the dense patch of oaks around them and notices a set of eyes gleaming back at her.

"O," she whispers, snapping her fingers to call for her friends attention. "O, I think something is watching us.."

"It's not something," the other girl answers, eyes following Clarke's line of vision and then around - panning to find tiny glowing orbs settling in around them. "It's someone. A whole lot of someones."

"What about......what about Lincoln? Don't they know you're with him?" Clarke asks, panicking.

"Yes," Octavia nods, ending the call and bringing her arm down to her side. "But you're not..."

"What do you mean?"

"When I say go, you get into the car," the brunette warns. "Don't hesitate. Just do it. Understand?"

"Octavia, what's-?"

"Clarke!" the girl quiets her. "You smell like Lexa. They're smelling her on you -- a wolf they don't know, and probably an alpha at that.  They're looking for her bite on you..."

"But I'm-She didn't-"

"I know," O nods, slowly. "But they don't, that's why they're looking.  The bite means everything, Clarke.  It's the only thing they really respect-"

"O, what are they going to do if....if they don't find one?" Clarke asks.

"For being on their land?  They'll kill you," her friend warns. "But we're not gonna let them figure it out so easy.  Keep your neck covered and get into the car.  I'll stand out here and try Rae again-"

"No, O I can't let you-" 

"Quit arguing and just get in the fucking Bronco, Clarke!" Octavia growls through gritted teeth. "GO! NOW!"

Within seconds Clarke is running to the driver's door, yanking it open as fast as she can and hopping inside. She watches as wolf after wolf descends upon the road, circling her vehicle as Octavia stands guard. They don't push her. Hell, they don't even come close enough to spit on her. Even Lincoln's omega scent marks her as one of them - another wolf's mate - and that makes her practically untouchable.

But their eyes pick apart the blonde staring out the windshield at them. She turns her head to look out the driver's side window and her baby-blues lock with the glowing red eyes of an Alpha. An Alpha whose paws hit the edge where the glass slips behind the metal of the door frame with such intensity that Clarke feels herself lose her breath at the force. The wolf studies her, tongue darting out once and then again as Clarke watches the color of the Alphas eyes change from bright fire-engine red to a deep crimson as the pupils widen.

 _Dilated pupils means interest_ , she recalls her mother's lessons. _Observed in animals that are hunting_... 

 

<\---<< | >>\--->

 

The moon is high and the deep orange tint has her restless, her body's natural reaction taking over as she howls. She remembers Marcus reading her a quote about a wolf and the moon - how the howling might just be the wolf expressing it's hurt and longing for a love it could never touch. She understands it now, the hurt and longing. Her empathy for the wolf and it's heartbreak - seeing the object of it's affection and having it seem _just_ out of reach - it's what keeps her running through the night, wading farther into the woods towards the marshes. As if she'll be able to reach it if she just pushes herself a little further. She can almost smell the moons pull, her wolf trembling with the ache to touch and taste it.

She jumps, clearing a large fallen tree and almost stumbling over a crumpled figure on the ground - a naked girl covered in dirt, curled up in a fetal position. The girl whimpers and Lexa feels her body lurch forward, her bones cracking and popping, skin stretching as her wolf form disappears and only the slick, sweat and muck covered human flesh remains. She approaches carefully, seeing the girl shaking violently - arms around her middle and breath coming out in pitiful little pants.

"Hey," Lexa calls to her as she comes closer. "Hey, are you okay??"

The girl trembles, a gentle sob escaping as she tries to speak.

"Don't come any closer," she cries. "It's bad enough I can smell you from where you're standing. Any further and I won't be able to control myself.."

"What--What do you mean?" the brunette asks taking tentative steps towards her. "You can smell me from there?"

"I could smell you a mile away," the girl whines, her hand moving away from her body to give Lexa the signal to stay back. "The closer you got to me, the worse it started to burn, like there's a fire inside me. It hurts so bad, Lexa.."

Lexa stops dead in her tracks, watching as the girl turns to face her - blonde hair and blues eyes that even the darkness can't disguise. "Costia...?"

"Guess I was right about you.  You really didn't know," she replies to the brunette, sitting up with her knees pulled to her chest. "All those times I tried to talk to you. At school, in town, at the parties when I caught you with Clarke's scent all over you. You had no idea about me.."

"I don't know what you're-"

"Liar! You're Wodapak," the blonde remarks, her voice quivering. "I've known since I first laid eyes on you. My wolf felt yours - knew yours, heard its whimpers - even before you did.  I'm Maungedapak, same tribe just didn't geographical region."

"I...Are you an alpha, too?" Lexa questions her.

"Spirits, No," Costia laughs, shaking her head as she answers. "Omega. You can't smell it?"

"I smell.....vanilla.  And maple," the brunette replies. "Like....pancakes...?  I followed it here thinking-"

"You're adorable," the blonde giggles, immediately doubling over in pain. "Fuck, I hate biology!!"

"What's wrong?? Can I--do you need help?"

"It's my heat," she tells her. "That smell you were following?? That's me. Doesn't seem to affect you like the other alphas though.."

"What do you mean??"

"For starters, you're not hard," Costia says, pointing to Lexa's naked body, causing her to throw her hands over herself.

"Usually an omega's heat-FUCK!" the girl pauses, taking deep breaths, "-What I mean is....it usually gets the alpha excited, like aroused.  Our people call it _manik_.  It has it's own smell, too.  Look, You don't have to cover up, Lex. In case you haven't noticed, I'm kinda naked here, too."

Oh, she'd noticed. Yes, Lexa was _very_ aware that Costia was naked, and also keenly aware that the closer she got to the Omega the better she smelled. Was this common for other wolves? Being completely nude around each other?

"It is," the blonde haired girl seems to answer her question, with a smirk. "I should probably tell you now that....I can read your thoughts. And you smell fucking amazing, too."

"You can hear what I'm thinking??" the brunette blushes.

"Yeah," she nods. "It's usually just the wolf I hear but....for some reason you're different. It's like.....you and the wolf are the same. Which is how I knew about Clarke."

"What about her?"

"You're in love with her," Costia smiles sadly.  "You've chosen her."

"She's not mine to choose...."

"Yes she is, you just haven't figured it out yet," the omega tells her. "His pheromones don't attract her the way yours do."

"What--His pheromones?"  Costia quirks an eyebrow at the question.

"It doesn't work the way they say it does.  Killing someone to trigger your curse.  That's just something they tell the young wolves around here to keep you in line.  My father told me about it when we first moved here, about 3 years ago.  The older wolves in your tribe like telling y'all that to make you feel like you own them something for protecting you.  For taking you in.  But it doesn't work that way.  You're born into it."

"But Lincoln said....." Lexa tries.

"Haven't you or Lincoln ever thought about why they do this?  Why they set up matches like this?  If being a wolf is truly contingent upon you killing someone, then all of this would mean nothing, right?   It doesn't matter how much breeding we do, unless we're intentionally giving birth to a generation of murderers.  They're lying to you, Lexa."

"Then.....why am I just now...showing it?" Lexa asks.  "Why didn't I know before?"

"Well, long story short, presenting is like puberty.  Some are late bloomers, some early.  That being said, it can also be triggered by trauma, or stress, or by grief, or...by being close to your true mate."

"True mate?"

"It's...complicated to explain," the blonde sighs, "But....it's like your body just knows what you need.  With true mates, you just have this pull to them.  The human may not know or understand, but the wolf is your spirit and the spirit knows."

Lexa backs away from the girl on the ground, eyes meeting the soggy dirt and leaves beneath her feet.  This is a lot.  All of this is so much that it's weighing her down.  _I didn't ask for this,_ she fusses in her thoughts.  Why was this happening to her?  And why would her Uncle Layton lie about it?  Why would he tell her it was because--

"I don't understand.  I thought.....because I...." the brunette stumbles over her words.  "Is Bellamy....?"

"You're not a monster, Lexa.   And he doesn't know it yet," Costia confirms. "Well, I mean, he may now.  I heard it years ago when I first moved here - his wolf.  I thought he knew, which led to some pretty awkward situations.  I didn't smell it on him until recently.  I think.....I think maybe you moving here triggered him and his sis-"

"Wait, wait, wait!  Hold on!--You mean....Octavia is a wolf, too..??"

 

<\---<< | >>\--->

 

The wolf clacks it's teeth at her, a warning of what might be to come if she was ever stupid enough to get back out.  Octavia warns them all, yelling for them to leave before Lincoln gets there.  One of the smaller wolves on the outskirts sounds an alarm, the rest returning the call, and then suddenly, somewhere in the darkness of the woods around them, comes a howl that silences all the others.  A large brown wolf with light gray patches steps forward, tilting his head up to meet eyes with the blonde in the driver's seat.  The rest of the them step back, giving this new wolf authority that Clarke things probably comes with its size and/or possibly it's age.  _No. Alpha_ , she thinks to herself.  _It's not about anything else really, is it?  This wolf is an Alpha.  Maybe the Alpha. They have to listen to him, don't they?  What if Lexa is out here somewhere, too?   _She looks around at the glowing eyes, all in primary colors.  _A class system,_ she muses.   _The colors have to mean something.  The wolf who made them all cower, his eyes are Red.  That might mean that all Alpha's have Red.._

A rustling in the woods draws the wolves attention.  Their noses rise to the air, searching for a scent, but a figure appears before any of them move.  Clarke recognizes him from the night before - the man carrying the young girl into her mother's make-shift operating room.

"It's late, Octavia," the man says kindly, but with a lower undertone in his voice.  "You know better than to be out here in the open after dark without your mate."

"I know, Gus.  We were trying to get home but the car broke down.  Can't get ahold of Rae to fix it."

"Let me take a look," he says, walking to the front of the vehicle and lifting the hood.  " _Gona_ , you see the smoke?  Your overheating her.  I don't see any coolant - there must be a leak somewhere in this--What shit-for-brains mechanic did you take this poor baby, too?"

"My ex boyfriend," Clarke yells through the cracked driver's side window in reply.

"Well, do us both a favor and don't ever let him touch her again," he says, poking his head around the side of the hood to face her.

"Jayce," the man yells out gruffly a second later, "Run to my place and bring me some water.  Go on, now."

Clarke watches in surprise as one of the wolves closest to her car, takes off into the night, disappearing into the woods west of the dirt road their on.  Octavia busies herself helping the burly man under the hood.  Within 10 minutes, a light auburn colored wolf cries out, and the blonde turns her head in the direction of the noise to see the naked human form of a boy only a few years older than her walking out from the woods with a canister filled with water.  It makes sense to her that outside of their wolf form, or when they first change back, they'd be nude.  Everybody's watched werewolf movies before - they know about the stashes of clothing the characters will leave for themselves in random places so they don't have to walk around like that after they're back in the human skin.  She wonders if that's how it really works for them; she wonders if Lexa has little folded piles of laundry laying at the base of a tree or two somewhere inside these woods.  

 _Lexa,_ she thinks, looking around at the eyes again, searching for white.  _If Alphas have red eyes, what are the yellow and blue for?  One must be omegas, right?  And why were Lexa's eyes white?_   

 

<\---<< | >>\--->

 

"Octavia's a Beta," Costia explains, wincing as a cramp hits and the subsides.  "They're loyal, and highly skilled fighters, without the ego trip of Alphas."

"So......" Lexa begins pacing, drawing a chuckle from the omega, "Is Raven.....?"

"No.  Raven's your average, run of the mill human," the smaller girl scoffs. "Don't get me wrong, she's gorgeous, and a number of the single AlphaBets have shown an interest in her, but she's off limits.  Indra would kill them."

"AlphaBets?--Hold up, Indra's a-"

"A guardian," Costia interrupts her. "It's what we call the ones who were born in into the tribe, raised in pack culture, but weren't born with the wolf gene."

The brunette comes to an abrupt stop and faces her friend.

"But that would mean--How were Bellamy and Octavia born with it?"

"You really don't know any of this, do you?" the blonde remarks, shaking her head. "Sit down, Lexa.  You're making me antsy watching you.."

"Please," Lexa begs quietly, settling down beside her. "Tell me everything you know. Nobody else tells me anything besides Lincoln and..."

"Lincoln tells you what his dad tells him," the omega finishes. "I get it.  Here, just....can you just hold me?"

"Why?" the taller girl leans back in surprise.

"Because, I'm in pain!" Costa says with a hiss. "And only being close to an Alpha can help that so.....cuddle me or you can get the fuck outta here so I can make this aching stop!"

Lexa mulls over the idea, looking out at the trees.  She doesn't want the girl to be in pain, but she doesn't want to blur the lines.

"Cuddle me, Pup," the blonde demands playfully. "I'm not expecting a mating bite, here.  Just a little comfort.  Okay?"

She nods and scoots closer so Costia can lay her head in the crook of her neck.

"I don't get it," Lexa starts. "Bellamy is so against the Glades and everyone here.  How the hell..??"

"Right, Okay," the omega hums, taking a deep breath and then exhaling."So Bel and O, their dad is....what our kind call a _splita_.  It's the word for a wolf that denies their pack."

"No.....Mr. Blake???  Are you shittin' me??"

"Not even slightly," Costia shakes her head lightly.  "He left his people behind and he started a new life outside the swamplands -- had his perfect little family in the burbs with his rich wife.  But Mr. Blake was part of the pack.  My dad is one of the higher ranking Alphas in the pack now, next to Titus, and he told me that when we moved here, the first meeting he went to with the pack here, Titus informed him that Blake was a _splita_ , who left the tribe because he got a townie pregnant.  Said he has another kid here, too, but he's never been allowed to see them."

"Another kid?" Lexa stops her, grabbing her by the arm. "He has another kid?  Here in the Glades??"

"Whoa! Hey, calm down!" the omega nudges her side. "Be careful with those pheromones!  Bad things can happen."

"Sorry, I....I didn't know.."

"It's cool just...try to stay as calm as possible," the girl placates, rubbing her body into the older girl's side. "Okay so, big bad Daddy Blake, right?  Well, my dad said he was involved with this younger omega in the tribe, a lot younger than him but her parents were old-school and they believed in the way of things.  A lot of alphas court younger omegas, show them they can protect them, and then they force the bite on them.  Make them theirs...caveman shit, really."

"That's.....disgusting.."

"Well, yeah, but it's the way things were.  And still are sometimes," Costia states dismissively. "Anyways, he left her because the townie girl he was seeing outside the Glades got pregnant.  My dad said Titus and the omega's brother met with Blake right after she gave birth and told him about the baby, a girl I think he said, and told him he was forbidden from having any contact with her.  My dad works at the post right as you come into the Glades - he checks ID's of everyone who enters.  Titus told him Blake is not allowed to cross the border, under any circumstances."

"Does that count for Bellamy and O or just...their dad?"

"It does for Bellamy at least.  But, that's why the tribe watches Octavia so closely.  Her relationship with Lincoln is solid, but it presents a lot of concerns because it could invite her brother or even her father to try and cross onto Trimani land again...contact his other daughter.  The pack is safe when they change and run in their wolf skins because....they're doing it on tribal land.  To do that in town or across the border??  It would be a death sentence with as many hunters as call that place home.  The tribe basically condemned Blake and any offspring of his to die.  Except it didn't work in O's case."

"I guess she has Linc to thank for that," the brunette wonders aloud.

"She does," the other girl's head nods against her body. "Bel's too much like his dad, I think.  He does what he's told when people are watching.  But when he's alone, he does whatever he wants.  Takes what he wants.  He's gonna be a selfish Alpha asshole, I can already tell.  Maybe it's a good thing Daddy Blake doesn't have any influence in his other kids life..." 

"Okay yeah maybe, but....why would they tell him to stay away from her?" Lexa's voice shakes. "The other daughter.  Why don't they want Mr. Blake to be around her?"

"My dad said Blake was next in line to be Lead Alpha when he left," the omega discloses. "His father was Lead Alpha of the Wodapak South of Manoir de Mangroves and had set up the arrangement facilitating a union between him and the youngest omega daughter of the Lead Alpha of the Wodapak North of the Manor.   Both North and South were part of the same Wodapak clan, but they couldn't agree on the same things, namely who was supposed to lead them.   Caused a lot of fighting between the two sects, and too many people ending up dying."

"So they were hoping to stop that.."

"He was hoping for an alliance, at least until the much older Lead Alpha of the North died.  But by then, their offspring would have been mated and his son would have been able to assert his authority over the omega, thereby forcing his leadership on the North as well.  He just didn't know about Daddy Blake's little escapades with the townie girl, like I said.  When Blake left, he changed his last name from 'Blackblood' to the much shorter and non-tribe affiliated 'Blake' and then married his townie and gave their litter that last name.  But before the twins born, his other daughter was born.   And then, his father died, leaving the position to be filled by Blake's younger half brother,  none other than the tyrant Titus Blackblood."

"Titus is related to the Blakes??  And nobody knows this??"

"Yes, and Yes.  The leaders have tried to keep the tribe from hearing or knowing anything about Blake, his new identity, and his family.  They want it like he never existed, which makes sense because technically, if Blake's oldest kid is an Alpha, she could push Titus out."

"Wait what?"

"You heard me.  This chick could potentially become the leader of a much more united Wodapak clan, she could bring her people together for the first time in over 200 years, if they only knew she existed.  My dad said Titus hopes nobody else figures out who she is or what she is, but I mean....they've all heard rumors or know something about the secret Blackblood Baby.  That's what they call her.  An old Gamma man once told me at a Bonfire that the baby was blind, which doesn't seem like much of a threat to anyone's leadership.  And yet, Titus and his council make sure their spots are secured, by any means necessary."

"Wow," Lexa croaks out, a shock running through as she tries to speak. "That girl....the baby, she's um..."

"I know," Costia nods, moving closer into the brunette's body and looking up at the stars through a clearing in the tree tops above. "It's a rush, isn't it?  Believing in it?   Too many wolves have died in the name of that corrupt coward, Titus.  It feels like hope is within reach now, though."

Lexa nearly chokes at the comment, feeling her throat seize up at the prospect.

"Don't laugh," the blonde offers as her fingernails scratch at Lexa's abs, "but, somewhere out there is a girl that could potentially change everything.  And I'm secretly rooting for her."


	12. Come to Me

"You should have called us, Clarke."

True.  She should have called them.  And somewhere in the back of her brain, she held on to that rational thought while listening to her father go on about the rules.  This isn't his usual part.  He's more the lover than the fighter and so most of her screaming matches and scoldings were typically handled by her mother.  She'd end up exiled to her room and he'd make his way up there and promise her it wouldn't be as bad as she thought.  He always gave the same speech about following rules before bad things like that had to happen.  This was different.  She should have called.  She was _supposed_ to call, and that thought played on loop inside her head as she drove back from the swamp. 

But we don't always do what we're supposed to.

"I know Dad," she tells him sheepishly. "And I am sorry that you guys were worried-"

"Worried??" her mother starts in. "Clarke, are you hearing yourself?  We thought you'd been taken or something!"

Another truth.  The Glades definitely weren't known for the most family-friendly activities.  The girls were given the same warning every time they ventured out there: either be back before curfew or call from Indra's landline to let us know you're safe.  It was the one sacred rule.  And they hadn't intended on breaking it, it just happened that way. 

Octavia seizes the opportunity to jump up onto the kitchen counter top.  She oozes confidence, even in the face of Abigail Griffin and that is a feat Clarke will never not stand in awe of.

"No worries, Mama G," the brunette pipes up, "I got Little Griffin's back.  And I'm worse than Liam Neeson; they wouldn't want me hunting them down."

"While I appreciate your enthusiasm when it comes to violence and the use thereof, Octavia, my daughter knew the rules," Abby says sternly. "I get it, it's  _Saturday_ , but that is no comfort to me when you go into that territory and I don't see or hear from you until 2 hours passed curfew.  That's where this Mama has a problem!"

"The laws are in place for a reason, sweetie," she continues, turning her attention to the blonde. "They're meant to keep you safe.  Arkadia PD has no jurisdiction in the Glades after sundown.  You  _know_  that.  Think of the things that could happen to you--"

"Christ Mom, I'm fine," Clarke sasses.

"You're fine  _now_ ," comes the reply, "But what if Gus wouldn't have shown up when he did?  You told me yourself you were surrounded by wolves!"

"She's not wrong," Octavia admits, biting into an apple she finds in the basket on the counter.  "It _was_ a bit of a hairy situation, C."

"Seriously, O?"

"What?" her friend smirks. "I thought it was funny."

Clarke had to admit, it was scary.  She'd gotten way too comfortable going and staying at Indra's and even at Lincoln's on the few occasions that they did.  She hadn't really been exposed to the 'night life' of the glades, and now that she knew that the stories of water-wolves were true, it made it that much more frightening being out there without someone who could vouch for her. As scary as it was, in her mind, it was even more of a reason to get Lexa to bite her.  If the bite meant as much as Octavia said it did, Clarke was adamant that she was going to have it no matter what it took.  She couldn't exactly say that to her mom and dad, of course.  There are things that a girl should be able to talk with her mother about - boys or girls, and sex.   _This_  was a little beyond Abby's scope of knowledge or expertise.  She was thankful that Octavia had suggested talking to someone in her shoes.  And she respected the hell out of Luna's honesty, having learned a lot from their talk, but there were still so many questions she had.  Right now, her mind was focused on finding out if Lexa was okay, and making sure she hadn't already 'sealed the deal' with anyone else.

There's a loud howling outside, a lone wolf calling out to the moon, and then a quick series of knocks at the door which makes her jump in her skin.  She looks at Octavia, mouthing 'Lincoln?' as her dad goes to answer it.  Unfortunately for them, the person at the door is not Lincoln, or Lexa for that matter.  Standing at the door as Clarke, her mother, and O walk around the corner into the living room is Indra, with a worried look on her face.  Jake turns to Abby and Clarke's heart stops.

"Indra," the blonde hears her mother say. "Is everything okay?  What's going on?"

"We're being threatened," the woman rushes with her words. "Thalia and I had taken the baby into town for the day and we ended up staying a little later than planned but....when we got back just now these were nailed all along the front of the house."

She hands what appears to be pieces of deer skin over to Abby.  It's fresh, from what Clarke can tell, and there's a symbol branded into the smooth, pinkish inner part of each piece.  Clarke and Octavia exchange looks of confusion, each mouthing their own version of WTF?

"Is this.....a symbol you recognize?" Jake asks.

"The symbol itself means 'Gyon op'," Indra answers.

"Get up?" Octavia asks, puzzled.

"Yes," the older woman nods affirmatively.

"Why the brand, though?" Abby points out. "What I'm meaning to say is, why is there a branding iron that exists with that symbol on it?"

"There are many brands, with many different symbols, but this one," Indra explains to them, trying to catch her breath, "This brand is what the Trimani call  _danuwa-de_  or the slang term  _gonplei_.  The name means 'war'.  It's not the actual meaning of the symbol that matters.  It's what the brand is  _used for_.  If one of these is posted on your front door, it means you're being challenged."

"And 12 of them?" Jake seems cautious with his question, like he doesn't really want the answer.

Indra hesitates to answer.  Her eyes find Octavia's in a silent plea, her head motioning for the door.

"She already knows," the brunette informs her, regarding Clarke and her knowledge about the wolves. "Say whatever you have to say."

"It means we have a target painted on our backs," the woman finally says, focusing her gaze on Abby's.  "Each one of those brands represents a single challenge.  Abby......Lexa is in danger.  And I don't know how to stop it from happening."

 

<\---<< | >>\--->

 

Lexa isn't sure how long she's been out here, cuddled up naked with a girl she barely knows, but Costia makes it very easy to get lost in time.  That is something she is absolutely positive of.  Every question she asks, Costia answers without pause.  She doesn't seem to have to take time to script her words, running them through a series of filters before they spill over and become rivers of things she can't ever take back.  She seems so candid and genuine, and for Lexa it's an welcomed break from everything else she's been dealing with.  Lately it seems everyone wants something or expects something from her; at least Costia's wishes were, according to rational Lexa, for little more than body heat. 

But if what Costia had said was true, then that meant that her father could possibly be Bellamy and Octavia's father, which meant that they would be her half siblings.  And if that were true, then that would mean that she was this baby that everyone had heard rumors of, and that she was supposed to be the successor instead of Titus.  Even so, what would she possibly know about leading a pack of wolves?  Nothing.  And how would she even explain that she was the one they were looking for, anyway?  Would she even want to?

"How do you know all of this?" Lexa askes, quietly. "I mean....I thought Lincoln said that you had to wait until you present to know if you're like....Alpha or Omega or-"

"That's true," Costia concedes, nodding her head gently so it doesn't hit the brunette's chin. "But wolves like me....the ones with certain gifts....sometimes we can tell before that.  It's usually a smell, or the way their dormant wolf thinks and processes things.."

"Huh...." the girl pauses, "And what was it about me that you just....knew?  I mean...you said I'm an Alpha, right?  You're sure about that?"

"I'm positive," the blonde giggles, sounding almost like a purr, "You're special, in a thousand exquisite ways, but your wolf exudes 'Alpha'.  It wasn't any of that stuff for you, honestly."

"Well what was it?"

"Do you remember the first day of school, you walked past me in the hall by my Chem class, and we bumped into each other?  You reached up and grabbed my arm to steady me?"

"I remember that.."

"I knew then," Costia recounts with a hum. "When you touched me, there was this......flash that went off in my head.  A bite, and then....this thick white liquid with so many different colors swirling around in it.  It was so quick and then it was gone but....then there was such an overwhelming feeling.  It was just like.....power.  Raw power.  I felt like I was going to pass out, like my heart was just going to stop.  It was so scary but at the same time....it felt so good."

"Good how?" the Alpha's voice rumbles from her chest, against the omega's back. "What does it feel like?"

"It felt like death," the girl says, catching Lexa by surprise. "Not like you're thinking.  It felt like I had no control over my own body, like I couldn't breathe or think or feel anything else around me.  And that's what scared the shit out of me because....my gifts constantly have me so hyper-fucking-aware of everything.  When everything was gone....for just that moment....I felt so empty.  I felt like I'd been removed from the confines of my own skin and left to float somewhere between the spirits and us.  And I  _liked_  it.  It was a release, like....total submission."

"You felt all that just from my hand touching you?"

"Oh yes. That's why I've been..maybe more than a little obsessed with you," Costia admits reluctantly with an awkward laugh. "I wanted to feel it again.  I would find whatever reasons I could -- any reason under the sun -- to be close to you, hoping that your hand would brush against mine and I'd feel it.  Laying here with you right now.....Mmmm.  This is what I imagine  _Syella_ to feel like.."

Lexa recognized the word.   _Syella_  was the word she'd heard used to refer to the spirit world amongst the people of the Glades, a place that would be everyone else's equivalent to 'Heaven'.

"When the omega that sits on the council approached me at the beginning of the school year about a future pairing, I denied it," the blonde continued.

"She asked if I would be open to the protection that having a mate would provide but I told her I wasn't interested.  I felt like...' _Hey, I'm still young'_ , ya know?  And I hated the idea of committing to something like that so soon.  And then, like magic, there you were.  And I was hoping it was a sign, or that I could build something with you before having to resort to arranged-bonding."

Costia leans further into her, nestling herself as deeply as she can into Lexa's body.

"She approached me again a week ago, and then yesterday she told me that they had confirmed there was a new presentation.  She urged me to proceed with the arrangement; told me that my father wouldn't always be around and that at some point, I was going to  _need_  a mate.  She told me that it was better to make the decision to pair for myself instead of having Titus order me to do it."

"They can do that?" Lexa asked, shifting a bit under her. "I mean....Titus can make you......?"

"He's lead-alpha.  He can do whatever he wants."

"So you agreed to do it.."

She could understand the pressure.  She hated that it seemed to come down to that within the pack.  That everything, apparently, involved the elders and the council, even things that shouldn't -- like love.

"I hoped it was you," Costia says, turning in Lexa's arms to face, her knees coming up and tucking themselves under her bottom until she's kneeling between the brunette's legs.

"Costia, I'm not....I'm sorry, but I'm not going to.....'bond' with you."

"I know," the girl nods, her eyes falling down between them making Lexa cover herself. "And I'm not asking you to.  But, I still think we can help each other."

"Help each other, how?"

"I'll teach you everything you need to know, about the tribe and about being a wolf, everything about being the Alpha you're meant to be."

"And you?" Lexa asks her. "How do I help you?"

"Fuck, I really hate being needy like this," the blonde hides her face with her hands, her finger nails dragging upwards, through her hair before she meets the alphas eyes again.

"Lexa, I need you to fuck me."

 

<\---<< | >>\--->

 

"You wanna talk about it?"

Clarke sits on her bed, waiting for Octavia to get out of the shower, when she hears her mother and looks up to see her standing in the doorway.

"Talk about what?" the blonde asks.

"About any of it.  The tribe, the wolves, Lexa...."

"I can't even think straight to process anything you're gonna tell me right now," Clarke admits. "There's just so much going on in my head and....I can't even make it slow down enough so I can deal with one thing a time.."

"Well, if you wanna talk, I'm here," her mother assures her. "I know it seems like I get onto you a lot but....it's because I love you and I worry about you."

"I know Mom," the blonde nods, her eyes scanning over the sketch she's been working on. "Actually I....I do have a question..."

"Okay, shoot.."

"How come you never told me?  About Lexa, I mean..."

"What about her?" 

"About her....anatomy.."

"Well, sweetheart," her mom starts, "I honestly never thought about it.  When you and Lexa were kids, we bathed you together, like I told you before.  Your father and I saw no issue at all with it because, frankly, you were practically babies and the bubbles covered everything up anyway.  Lex couldn't see you and you.....well you were too busy dragging her hands through the bubbles and putting them on top of her head to even care about anything else.  I always took you out first and wrapped you up while your dad would get Lexa and dry her off.  It's not like you ever really saw each other, I guess.  And you were young you know, so we hadn't had 'the talk' with you yet about.....boys and girls and the difference between private parts.  Parenting is a challenge and knowing the right time for things can be.....UGH, exhausting.  Anyways, that talk didn't come until after we caught you and Bellamy in your room playing doctor."

"Doing what??" the blonde gasps. "Me and Bel?"

"Mhmmm," Abby chuckles. "You had that boy stripped to his skivvies and laying on the floor while you went around hitting his knees and shins and elbows with that little hammer from your playschool tool-set."

"Where was O?"

"She was the one that came and told on you, of course.  The Blakes were  _very_  against nudity," her mother shrugs. "Different parenting styles, ya know, but......she taddled and we all came running in there and found you.  By the time we got there, he had the front of his under-roos pulled down and was wiggling his hips and making his little ' _thing_ ' shake.  Oh my gosh, thinking about it now---You were so red-faced and angry because he wasn't being a cooperative patient like the ones on TV.  Your father and I couldn't breathe we were laughing so hard, but Auri looked like she was ready to shit a brick.  Pardon my French..."

"I can't believe that," Clarke giggles. "Was this before or after Lexa left??"

"After...." Abby says with a sigh. "You didn't care much for Bellamy before, but after Lexa left.......I guess you saw his head full of Tarzan curls and figured he was the closest you could get to having her back so.....you made do.  You played well together, even though Octavia hated that he was a part of the group.  She hated having to share everything with him - it was like, she needed a space to go to where...he didn't exist.  You and Lex were hers, ya know?  And then.....Lexa was gone and.....there he was.  She got over it, eventually, but....it wasn't the same."

"Yeah....I guess I know what you mean.."

"May I ask how you figured it out?" her mother says carefully. 

"We didn't have sex, mom, if that's what you're thinking," she assures her. "But.......I did kiss her.  I mean...we have kissed.  A lot, actually-"

"That's fine right there, honey," the older woman nods and puts her hand out in front of her. "I just...I guess I'm just wondering....does it bother you?  You just seem....a little off.  I mean...did the kissing come first or did she tell you first..?"

"The kissing came first," Clarke says feeling herself blush as she adds, "I mean...the first kiss, er kisses.  But then she told me."

"And....?"

"And it doesn't bother me," she says starting out the window, into the darkness outside. "I like her.  I mean.....I love her..."

"Well I know that sweetie.  I've known that since you were kids.  But are you meaning that...as in ....romantically, when you say it now?"

"Yes...."

"Okay.  And what about Bellamy?" Abby questions. "I thought you two had been together for a pretty good while.  Have you told him about this kiss between you and Lexa?"

"I didn't tell him, per se, but he knows there's something between me and her.  I ended things with him, actually.  It's not like he wasn't about to end it, anyway, but I did it for different reasons, not because I kissed Lexa or because I had feelings for her.  I meant to tell you, and Dad too, but.....I guess I just...let it slip my mind."

"Seems like you've got this all sorted out for yourself, though," her mom acknowledges.

"That's it??  You're not going to lecture me?"

"What do you think I'd say if I did?"

"I don't know," Clarke blinks, waiting for the elder Griffin woman to interrupt her and really let her have it. "Maybe something like...' _You know better_ ' or ' _Bellamy is great_ ' or ' _I don't think you should rush-'_  "

"Well you do know better, and Bellamy is great, and I don't think you should just dive head-first into anything with Lexa, especially with things the way they are now,  _but_ ," Abby pauses, "With all that being said, your love-life is your love-life.  And your father and I have done well enough only being involved to a certain extent.  So......whatever you choose, I'm happy as long as you're happy.  If we ever feel like we need to step in, we will, but....we won't be there to make decisions for you in your adult life so....it's best you get some practice handling things yourself, I suppose.  You can always ask us for help if you need it, but we trust your judgment.  You're going to make mistakes baby, as parents we know that.  But you need to develop your own sense of intuition when it comes to what is right for you and what isn't."

"Do you think that Lexa and I could actually work, Mom?  As a couple.  Like, with her being....one of them and me....not?"

"Clarke, honey," her mother says, hand brushing over the top of Clarke's head, "You are a strong girl.  And someday you will be a very strong woman, I have no doubt.  But I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that this will be easy for you, or Lexa, to handle.  On top of your grades and normal high school drama, she has tribal business to handle, and as far as the Trimani are concerned that comes first.  They let their kids go to public school here in town but after graduation, they don't typically have many options.  Some will go off to college.  Usually for something that they can use to better the tribe and it's members.  But most, end up working in family run 'businesses' or trades.  Depending on if she stays or if she goes, you can go see her....but, you know they're not kind when it comes to outsiders, and it will make things very difficult for you and her to have a relationship, at least more than what you already do."

"Is what Indra said true, though?  Is Lex in danger?"

"I don't know sweetheart, but we're going to figure it out.  One way or another, we'll handle it.  Nothing's going to happen to her, not if Indra, your father, and I can help it."

Feeling like their heart-to-heart was nearing it's end, they hear a loud crashing noise from Clarke's bathroom and a scream that could break any crystal in the entire house.  They rush to the bathroom, banging on the door, calling for Octavia to answer and open up.  But the girl on the other side only offers a whimper, a second scream and then a howl coming form her mouth just in time for Jake to arrive and bust the door down.  On the tile floor, positioned on all fours, is her best friend whose body now looks as if she's broken almost every bone in it as her jaw opens and shuts with each cry of pain.

"MOM!" Clarke yells, "Do something!! Help her!!"

"How--?" Jake asks Abby.  "How is she...?"

"I have......no idea," she answers in shock.  "But if she is.......it is not because of her mate.  We need to expect that Bellamy-"

"If he shows up here-"

They hear another howl outside, the same deep cry they'd heard when Indra first came knocking, and it's Abby who puts two and two together.  The red eyes from the night before, the way those eyes watched her daughter and then disappeared into the night.  The alpha that attacked that girl in her shed didn't follow Gus there.  This alpha already knew who lived there, knew what it wanted the moment it stepped foot on their property.  And they were right when they said it would come back.

"Jake," Abby says, grabbing his hand and trying to stay calm, "I think he already has.  And I think he's here for Clarke."

  

<\---<< | >>\--->

 

"You--What??"

She can feel the omegas body temperature spike as the girl shifts closer to her, running her hands along the length of the alpha's body until they come to a halt just above her pelvic bone.  An inch lower would put her hand right on top of the very thing Lexa had tried to keep a secret from most everybody here, and even worse, there's a part of Lexa that feels....'needy' too, almost wishing that the blonde's hand would go just a little lower. 

"It's not as crazy as it sounds, I swear," Costia explains, mid-whine. "The thing is.....when omegas like me go into heat, it helps to have an alpha, or beta but...alphas typically fill the need better--excuse the phrasing.  What I mean is....we need companionship.  In the form of sex.  I'm not saying you have to bite me or pair-bond with me, just....just fuck me.  It's really simple actually." 

It feels wrong, because in the back of her head Clarke's face remains a constant imprint, but at the same time her body feels a physical need like she's never felt before.  'Turned-on,' as Marcus had referred to it once, is not even the words for this.  This is not something that can be equated to the reaction of anything as simple as a light switch.   _This_  is a blazing inferno, steadily stoking inside of her every time this omega's trembling hands make contact with her skin.  This is a volcano preparing to erupt in a most spectacular fashion.

"Cos, I can't-"

"Lexa, I get it, you and Clarke are a thing," the omega has to bite back her tone, "And you'll still be a thing in the morning.  But tonight you are _here_.  And I am _here_.  And the hunter's moon is affecting us both the same way, I know you feel it.."

She's right.  _Of course she is_ , the brunette tells herself, _she read my mind_.  And Lexa hates that.  Not because it's not a cool trick, it is and she wishes she had it, too.  But because she's not sure why her brain can't control this impulse - why she can't just get her body to cooperate with her and shut down this 'want'.  What's worse is that every time she looks up, the face she sees isn't Costia's.  The eyes that have her brain hazey aren't the same eyes focused on hers right now.  She hopes that Costia can't read that, too.  On the other hand, she can't really bring herself to care if she did.  Because these visions, this mirage, it's intoxicating.  She knows it's not real, she knows that Clarke is not here, but her body feels drunk and keeps reacting in response to these hallucinations and it's becoming harder and harder to resist the inclinations of the wolf that calls her skin home.

"I can smell it on you,  _ain hayon kom homplei_.  You need this.   _Den teik em in kom nau_."

Neither of them notice the cracking twigs and the rustling leaves under the approaching footsteps.  It's already too late to try and arm themselves with what might be laying around when Lexa hears the voice call out to her from a small clearing in the trees.  If she wasn't so concerned about who it was and what they wanted, she might have thought to thank them for stopping whatever was about to happen.

"You there," the grizzly voice attracts her attention. "You need to come with me."

"Me??" she asks, feeling Costia latch on to her waist tightly, emitting a whimper as she does. "I'm not going anywhere with you.  I don't even know you-"

"I am Nyko.  Queen Tamar has ordered me to retrieve you," the man said.  "You are to travel back with us, north, to our land."

"I'm not leaving," Lexa growls, getting louder when she sees the man come closer.  "My home is here!  My brother-"

"Your brother is safe with your guardian," he says, stopping right in front of her. 

Only then does she notice that he's wearing a mask over his nose and mouth, leaving only his eyes visible.  He has long hair, uncombed and braided in some places, and tattoos on his face, or the parts of it she can see.

"Do not worry.  He will be taken care of," the man assures her, stretching out his hand for her to take.  "But you must come with me, now, _natblida_.  If you stay, you put everyone that you care for in danger."

"No!" she insists through a snarl, "I will not just leave my-"

"Apologies," another giant approaches her from the dark, wearing the same kind of mask as the first. "But we do not have time for this."

Lexa feels herself being lifted off the ground and feels Costia's body being forcibly removed from hers.  The girl's nails scrape and scratch at the skin around her torso as she tries and fails to hang on.  The next thing she hears is the same voice, the voice of the man who picked her up, telling the other one 'Do it.'  She watches Nyko fumble with bag, bringing out a syringe with his right hand.  He walks forward and Lexa panics, kicking wildly, trying to deter him from coming any closer.  But the one holding her is impatient, telling his accomplice ' _You're taking too long_ ,' and the next thing Lexa feels is something hard hitting her head and her world starts to fade.

"I am sorry, Heda," she hears him saying to her as everything goes black, "But I have to protect you."

 

<\---<< | >>\--->

 

She starts to hear things, a voice she doesn't recognize - female, older by the slight shake of it - and then the same voice of the man that took her.  She cracks her eye lids open barely enough to see that she's laying on a hard wood floor, her direct line of sight only allow her the view of shoes, two pairs of old boots and then a part of leather sandals it looks like.  She's not sure how long she's been out but she knows her head hurts and, though she's able to see, her eyesight is blurry, mostly likely from that bump on the head which she's still a little bitter about.

"She is young," the woman says. "You are sure this is her?"

"Sha, Haiplana," Nyko's voice can be heard closer to her than the others. "The mask dampened her pheromones but she is strong.  And she has a fight within her."

"Em ste mou pakstoka moun em ste gada," the other man says.

"No," that shakey voice tells him quickly. "She is a girl, Gustus, but her spirit is wild.  And her wolf is unlike any other we know.  She must be taught to control it."

"Moba, Haiplana.  I spoke out of turn."

"Don teik en in," she tells him. "She was alone?"

"There was an omega with her," Nyko informs the woman. "Had to pry the girl off her before we could leave."

"Had they mated?"

"Osir ai nou ledon op," Gustus returns.

"Good.  She will need a clear heart and mind for the road ahead.  Pack your things, we leave at first light."

As they exit the room, Lexa opens her eyes again, taking note of her condition and the room around her.  There are no restraints, her wrists nor her ankles are bound.  They must have been counting on her being out all night.  Her eyes catch sight of the warm, pale orange moonlight coming through a window to her left, maybe two to three feet from her head.  She looks for another exit, a door that might lead outside but the only doorway she sees is the one she assumes her captors left through, leading into a hallway.  She's anxious, feeling like if she doesn't move now, she might not get another chance, but she remembers Costia's words and how she'd warned her to stay calm -- to keep watch over her 'pheromones'.  They talked about it like it was something they could smell or sense, like the pancake smell she'd followed before. If being anxious or angry or upset made them more prominent she would need to keep herself in a relaxed state to avoid drawing their attention.  She thinks of Marcus and their music, the jazz they used to play and the way it soothed her.  She remembers the first time he put the sheet music for "Nature Boy" in front of her, and the first time he picked the notes out on the piano for her, showing her the melody and asking her to mimic it.  She remembers how it felt the first time she played it all the way through, by herself with no accompaniment and no mistakes, in the staircase of an abandoned building he'd taken her to show her how much acoustics in a room could change her sound, for better or for worse.  She lets the music take over her mind, eyeing the window one last time before she goes for broke.

 

<\---<< | >>\--->

 

Clarke sits in her bedroom with the lights off.  Her computer chair is pulled up to her window so she can see outside; she wants to watch as he paces.  Octavia is long gone, a fact she's still trying to process as well.  _How did she not know?  How is it possible?  She isn't from the Glades.  Was it Lincoln's bite that triggered it?  But then why would Bellamy--??  It has to be genetic.  It has to be one of their parents_ , she thinks.

He moves throughout the trees, stopping every one and a while to lift his head and howl.  _Is it really Bellamy?_ she wonders, _Or is mom just being paranoid?_ The last time she'd checked, her father was sitting by the door holding a rifle loaded with tranquilizer darts, a tool her mother had to use on occasion with larger, more unfriendly animals that needed her help.  She's not sure why he feels the need, it's not like the wolves can stand up and turn a door knob.  But she doesn't question his reasoning.  Instead, she chooses to sit and watch the red-eyed wolf move closer to the house and then further away, closer and then further away, like he's testing his limits.  She thought to turn the lights off, hoping it would keep him from being able to see her in the window looking out.  That last thing she wants is to excite him. 

She turns her head to the hallway, thinking she'd heard one of her parents coming down the hall, but when she turns back to face the window the wolf is gone.   Her eyes dart back and forth as her body moves closer to the glass to try and get a better view.  All she can see now is the light the moon casts atop the trees and the lake beside her house.  And then his head appears, glowing eyes a mere 4 feet from her window.  He watches her, his eyes fixed on hers, until a pair of lights come pulling up into her parents driveway, a dark green truck - old and beat-up.  It's Thelonius Jaha, she'd know the truck anywhere.  The wolf slinks into the darkness watching the man exit the truck and Clarke watches in surprise as her parents, both of them, make their way out into her mother's shed followed by their friend.  _I have to know what they're talking about_ , she argues with her better senses.  _I have to know why they won't talk to me about it, why they seem so worried or caught off-guard by this.  Why did they call Jaha??_

It's dangerous, and her parents were ground her for the rest of her life is they knew, but she walks through the house, out through the door, and tip toes to the shed window.  

"How is this possible, Thelonius?" her mother asks. "She is with Lincoln but that could not have caused this.  A mark has never triggered a change.  And now we know it is affecting her brother, too."

"When you called me, I did some digging, spoke with an old gamma who lives close by and has seen much in his time," Jaha explains. "He said there are stories among the elders, stories that most believe to be rumors, but the elders......they know the truth, yet they keep quiet.  He told me that Blake is a _splita_.  He is one of them, but he left his people.  He holds the gene, though.  And we can see that he has passed those genes to his children."

"How did we not know this before?" Jake raises his voice in question. "This boy is outside our house right now, hunting our daughter, Jaha!  And I don't know if I'm going to feel bad for shooting him if he tries anything or if I'm going to feel worse because I put her in the situation to begin with.  I told her he was a 'nice guy' and he would be respectful of her boundaries, a gentleman.  That's all blown to hell and back now!"

 _If you only knew how 'nice' he was_ , Clarke thinks to herself sarcastically.

"What are we going to do about the challenge?" Abby pushes. "We cannot sit back and do nothing, Thelonius.  She's just a girl."

"She is not just a girl," he shakes his head in denial. "She is special, beyond what I can explain to you right now.  The challenges.....they are a complication.  As is Bellamy's presentation and his.....intent to claim your daughter as his mate.  Keep her inside tonight and she will be fine.  And as for Lexa, she is safe.  Titus and several of the other alphas fear losing their place, but I assure you, Abby, it has been taken care of."

"Taken care of??  How?"

"Tamar spoke with me after the council meeting.  She is taking Lexa back to her lands where she will receive training and be taught to control the wolf rather than let it control her.  Once she is ready, she can return to her people if she so chooses."

"And what about Clarke?" the blonde hears her father protest. "That's her best friend.  She's already lost her once, I can't stand to see that happen to her again."

"Your daughter will be safer with the girl gone, Jake.  The wolf inside her is too strong, too volatile.  We can not take a chance of her hurting anyone.  Tamar and her men have subdued her for the duration of the Blood Moon's hold on the night."

"That girl would never hurt anyone, let alone Clarke!" her mother offers in defense. "All I've ever seen from either of them is the need to protect each other.  Wolf or not, she's still Lexa-"

She's listening to their conversation so intently that the growl beside her startles her, enough that she steps back and trips over a rake laying on the ground between the tree and the side of the shed.  She lets out a yelp, but it's too late.  She sees his red eyes coming closer, way too close, as his wet nose touches the bottoms of her feet working its way up the rest of her legs.  Her parents and Jaha round the corner just in time to see the alpha bare its teeth and move to sink them into the blonde's neck. Jaha lets out a growl, a warning to the new Alpha about the way of things, but the Alpha doesn't budge.

From behind them they hear another growl, an impossibly deep rumble that makes Jaha's throat close up and causes the young alpha's ears to go back and his tale to tuck between his legs.  In the pitch black amongst the trees they see eyes as bright white as the stars in the sky.  The less distance between them, the more the color changes and Abby and Jake can't believe what they're seeing when Jaha immediately bows his head to the wolf stalking towards them.  The young alpha stays his ground, on top of the blonde girl, pinning her to the dirt.  He snaps his jaws, threatening the newcomer, but the deep black wolf lets out a huff, raising its lips just enough to show a dangerously sharp pair of double incisors.  It stops less than a foot away from Clarke's shoulder, it's head held high as the red-eyed wolf holds eye contact but crouches down, it's body supported by the human below it.  Again the alpha bares its teeth, it's jaws stretching forward, striving for the blonde's neck.  It doesn't make it.

The white-eyed wolf attacks in the split second before the young alpha's jaws can even open, the double points of its incisors sinking into the milky white flesh above Clarke's pulse point.  Abby yells and tries to reach for her daughter, but her husband grabs her arms, keeping her from stepping in the middle of this.  This wolf is not like the ones they've dealt with before.

Jaha lifts his focus from the ground, seeing the red-eyed wolf retreat, his wolf form shifting as he reaches the tree line.  Abby turns her head away as Bellamy uses his hands to push himself up, looking back at the wolf whose jaw releases only to let it's tongue lick at the wound it leaves behind.  The only thing she can do is watch Clarke lay there.  Strangely enough, she doesn't seem scared anymore.  Anxious maybe, but there's not a hint of fear in her eyes.  Instead she turns her head to the side, allowing the wolf to lick her neck, letting its nose nudge at her chin and jaw.  The final straw comes when she sees the blonde's hand reach up as if to pet the animal's face, her palm resting on its jaw and her fingers tucked just behind the ear.  Thelonius sets his gaze to meet Jake's, nodding his head towards the black beast in front of them.

"Tell me _now_ how you feel about your daughter and her best friend."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "ain hayon kom homplei" - my goddess of the hunt
> 
> "den teik em in kom nau" - so take it already
> 
> "Sha, Haiplana" - Yes, Queen
> 
> "Em ste mou pakstoka moun em ste gada" - She is more wolf than she is girl
> 
> "Moba, Haiplana" - Apologies, Queen
> 
> "Don teik en in" - Accepted (as in apology accepted)
> 
> "Osir ai nou ledon op" - We saw no wound (meaning they saw no bite-mark/mating-mark)


End file.
